Josh Lyman quotes from The West Wing

Josh

Eve Harrington in penny loafers here just corrected me in front of the President.

Donna

Were you wrong?

Josh

That's not the point.

Donna

What is the point?

Josh

I'm going into my office now.

Josh

Taylor Reid was talking about your spin on the decline in manufacturing jobs and he said...

Toby

'The tall lady's back to telling tall tales.'

CJ

The tall lady.... Carol, call 'The Taylor Reid Show' and book me on the next open slot. I'm going to reach down and rip off his puny, little face.

Josh

Congressman Wendt, who single-handedly blocked our tax credit to expand child care to working families, is attempting to bind the feet of your entire gender with his paleo-chauvinist stay-at-home mom tax cut.

CJ

I'm going to read the bill and supporting materials.

Josh

What if you just kick up a cloud of dust about the revenue impact and mention that he's the Darth Vader of child care?

You still smarting I had to carry your ass through Con Law?

Josh

You did not have to carry--

You thought strict scrutiny was a pickup technique.

Josh

Hey, it worked on Pam Sussman. I mean, not that well. How is your lovely wife?

Josh

Lang? Isn't she a lefty?

Leo

Yes. We want the left flank sufficiently mollified and the right flank sufficiently panicked so as to inspire a little conciliation on all flanks.

Toby

If... If we were gonna try this. What would be the plan?

Josh

We give the President and Leo the name. We bring Christopher Mulready in. We bring Lang back in. Hopefully the two of them woo the pants off the President, and he agrees to the deal without noticing he's standing in the gaze of history, pantless.

Toby

Where's the Senator?

Josh

He's with CJ. He got me a little drunk.

Toby

Is he leaving?

Josh

I think he's getting CJ a little drunk.

Josh

Sir, have you read the talking points?

Bartlet

I'm an economist. Some would say half-decent. I don't need a primer on this.

Charlie

Due respect,sir, your answers on economics can be a bit---

Bartlet

Polysyllabic?

CJ

Academic.

Leo

I was going to go with incomprehensible.

Ryan

Where you going?

Josh

To meet Congressman McKenna.

Ryan

That's funny, actually.

Josh

No, it isn't funny. He's a two-bit jerk of a House member. He holds us hostage every time we have a budget or a trade deal, or enough discretionary authority to buy an ice cream cone. I've got the Speaker of the House in ten minutes. I'm gonna smile, bob my head, and stick him in the outbox.

Josh

Beat it. I've got a meeting.

Ryan

So do I's the thing.

Josh

It's just me and McKenna.

Ryan

I'm his new Legislative Director. Hi. He figured it'd be leverage enough that he's on two authorizing committees and can stall half your budget priorities. Is this the part where you smile and bob your head?

Ryan

Today's my last day at the White House.

Josh

Thank you.

Ryan

I was hoping you'd give a toast at my going-away party.

Josh

How about a plaque, for best impersonation of a blue blazer?

Ryan

So, you're coming to the party?

Josh

I'm having my own celebration with five cloves of garlic and the cast of The Exorcist.

Josh Lyman

We made a promise.

Bartlet

There was a man named Canute, one of the great Viking kings of the 11th Century. Wanted his people to be aware of his limitations, so he led them down to the sea and he commanded that the tide roll out. It didn't. Who gave us the notion that Presidents can move the economy like a play-toy? That we can do more than talk it up or smooth over the rough spots? It's a lie. What we really owe that union is the truth.

Josh

We run around saying free trade creates high-paying jobs.

Bartlet

And it will. But I've been trying to tell you it's not that simple.

Leo

I'll set up a call with Bill Parsons.

Bartlet

It'd be nice to roll back that tide, wouldn't it?

Josh

Yes, Mr. President, it sure would.

Toby

Listen, we need to make a call on Camden Yards.

Josh

Huh?

Toby

It's Memorial Day. He's gonna toss out the first pitch at Camden Yards.

Josh

Cancel it. Eh, can't cancel it; sends the wrong message. Ask for a moment of silence. And Toby, he's gotta, you need to take him out with gloves and a ball.

Toby

It's a six foot toss from the stands. It's Little League.

Josh

FDR threw from the stands; beaned one of his photographers in '37, extended the Depression by four years.

Bartlet

Any ideas on how to break the logjam?

Josh

Too bad Congress isn't here. They'd just cook the books and hold a press conference.

Bartlet

I'd like to know why my Treasury Secretary's on national television denouncing a tax cut I never saw because of an estimate I never asked for.

Josh

We did offer to brief you on the details.

Bartlet

Brief me now.

Josh

We're not quite ready to brief you on the details.

Bartlet

Because you made a complete hash of it; the Leadership's sole request before taking up peacekeeping.

Toby

We're close to 60 Democratic votes.

Josh

It's just that you might face a decision about the fall legislative agenda.

Bartlet

What is that?

Toby

Would you prefer a bill to appoint an American monarch...

Josh

...or a ban on the institution of marriage, except in casinos and department stores.

Bartlet

You tell the Speaker and the Majority Leader that with my newfound royal authority, with all my free time now that my marriage has been banned, and with the support of every NATO member in my pocket I'm sending those peacekeepers to the Middle East. If Congress wants to feed them, pay them, or ever bring them back, that's entirely up to them.

Toby

I assume we're free to play with the language on that.

Bartlet

We're done here.

Josh

My testosterone is flying.

Donna

Try not to get it on anyone.