Josh Lyman quotes from The West Wing

Josh

You look great.

Amy

Thanks, so do you.

Josh

Everyone looks great in a tux; chimps look great.

Amy

With none actually present I'll have to settle for you.

Josh

So listen, umm, Ryan of all people asked me straight out about our relationship, and I couldn't have avoided the subject more if I had faked a stroke.

Amy

Cheeky little brat.

Josh

That's not the point, even if I'd wanted to answer him, I wouldn't have known what to say. It's like what C.J. said today about the economy; by refusing to put language to it we're trying to pretend it doesn't exist, but it's something... even if we don't know what to call it. I just think it's time to start thinking about a language plan for whatever it is we're doing too.

Josh

You're leaving the party because of me?

I'm not leaving the party because of you - but you made it a whole lot easier.

Josh

It's a missile defense system that can't hit missiles.... when were you promised–?

Seven years ago.

Josh

Under the last President?

Right.

Josh

Okay, a bunch of things have fallen by the wayside since then, like Communism....

Josh

When I write my political memoir, this will be the character building funny part.

Donna

I thought I was the character building funny part.

Josh

I'm just trying to see around the corner so I don't get bit in the ass.

Donna

Are you going around the corner ass-first?

Josh

Vast and violent vacuum cleaner, uprooting everything in its path.

Toby

It's a funnel cloud.

Josh

Vast and violent vacuum cleaner.

CJ

It's a vacuum cleaner and a funnel cloud. See, men? Peace on earth.

Josh

You thought I was cooked.

Donna

I did not.

Josh

You thought I was gone, and so were you. You were already cleaning out your desk. Mentally kicking dirt on my grave.

Donna

No, now I'm doing that.

Josh

Confirm my dinner with Wilcox tomorrow. Make sure I have my usual table.

Donna

That's good. You're getting out. A man about town.

Josh

Set up a meeting with Ted Davis at the Democratic Strategy Group and one with the Security Policy Working Group.

Donna

Crack some heads, Let 'em know you're riding herd. I'm not helping.

Josh

It's a blip, Donna. When I write my political memoir, this will be the character-building funny part.

Donna

I thought I was the character-building funny part.

Josh

No, Leo, how is this acceptable? Haffley's not the prime minister, you take this to the president, you'll know what he'll say?

Leo

He'll say yes.

Josh

How can you say that?

Leo

To keep the lights on! To make sure a couple of million government employees keep getting paid. It's two more months...

Josh

This isn't governing, it's duck and cover.

Leo

He'll say that too.

Donna

What happens if we don't get a budget deal?

Josh

Get another continuing resolution.

Donna

See, here's what I don't get. Every year we take these continuing resolutions like the dog ate our homework...

Josh

The Republican majority, but you're close.

Donna

How come people aren't outraged? The rest of the country can't take endless amounts of time to finish their work.

Josh

Well, you're forgetting the beauty of the federal budget process.

Donna

What's that?

Josh

No one understands it.

Donna

There's no agreement.

Josh

How far apart are we?

Donna

They're leaving the building.

Donna

What's happening?

Josh

You remember when we went to Atlantic City?

Donna

We never went to Atlantic City.

Josh

Remember when I went to Atlantic City and I came back complaining that all the pro poker players suck all the fun out of the game, no cigars, no pizza, no beer.

Donna

You played one hand.

Josh

Those guys, they bet the bank when they have a good hand. And you either fold, or you go in all the way with them. I think the President's gonna stay in.

Donna

And how good is Haffley?

Josh

He's better than anyone we've seen on the other side of the table in a long time.

Donna

There are pages turned down with Post-its to tell you which of your relatives the gifts are for. If you're happy with the choices you should initial at the X. If you're not happy with the choices, you should remember how this goes when you try to do this yourself.

Josh

I like the polar fleece stuff.

Donna

Who's in charge of shopping?

Josh

You are.

CJ

If we're not running offense, we're running defense, and if we're playing defense, then there's some clever sports analogy that explains what happens then....

Josh

We're screwed.

CJ

That'll do...

Leo

Closest we've been to a deal in 20 years and it breaks down over who we approached first.

Josh

If you approach the Republicans, he's a right-wing sell out, if you approach the Democrats, he's a fire-breathing partisan.

Leo

Hard enough caving on principle without looking like you're caving on principle.

Josh

And, we have a little problem called the Wall Street Journal.

Bartlet

We don't take credit.

Leo

What?

Bartlet

We don't take credit at all.

Toby

It's the only way.

Bartlet

They approached each other. Bi-partisan down the line. No one can say I'm setting anyone up.

Leo

Mr. President, a victory like this comes along once in a generation.

Josh

We'll have practically saved the New Deal and no one will even know we were in the room.

Toby

We'll know. And if we don't do this... if this system collapses, which is what'll happen, if we go back to breadlines, if growing old in America means growing poor again ... we'll know that, too.

Josh

There is no such thing as an invisible legacy, sir.

Leo

You have to know you'd be giving it away.

Bartlet

All day we've been talking about my legacy, my portrait, what's going to be carved on my tombstone. Maybe we pay a little more attention to what's being rendered. And the rendering takes care of itself.

Leo

My generation never got the future it was promised... Thirty-five years later, cars, air travel is exactly the same. We don't even have the Concorde anymore. Technology stopped.

Josh

The personal computer...

Leo

A more efficient delivery system for gossip and pornography? Where's my jet pack, my colonies on the Moon?