Stefan Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

I'll let you pick. Nothing cheesy.

Stefan

Oh, that leaves out about half the decade.

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Is anyone else a little creeped out?

So, then leave. Out of everyone, your presence is the least necessary.

Stefan

Please don't start.

I'm merely stating the facts. Jeremy has the spell on his body. Bonnie's the witch that unseals the cure. Shane is the human compass. You and I have the tombstone, which does God knows what. And Elena has no point.

What about me?

You have a nice behind.

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Stefan

You mean what you said? About a cease-fire?

Why do you all assume that I hate Elena so much?

Stefan

Well, I mean, you did run her off a bridge.

You all seem to forget that Elena's death was the only way to save my family. I did the same thing that every one of you would've done to protect the people that you love. And before you cast me as the bad guy, maybe you should remember that Elena's helped to kill not one but two of my brothers. Maybe we're not as different as everyone's making us out to be.

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[On the island.]

[Over Elena's phone] [To Elena] Tell me you're not serious.

[On her phone] I wish I weren't.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[Over Caroline's phone] When we got back from looking for Jeremy, Shane and Bonnie were gone, too.

[On the island.]

[On her phone] Shane needs Bonnie to cast a spell on Jeremy's tattoo in order to find the cure, and he managed to sneak them both out from under our noses.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] Well, where's Damon in all this?

[Over Caroline's phone] We had an argument.

[On the island.]

I thought he was just taking a walk, but then when we went to the beach–

[In the Gilbert house.]

[Over Caroline's phone] –we saw signs of a struggle.

[On her phone] Meaning what?

[On the island.]

[On her phone] Meaning somebody probably jumped him and then grabbed him.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] Do you think Shane took him?

[On the island.]

[On her phone] No, I mean, he's not strong enough to take Damon on, even with the element of surprise. He must have someone, or at least a few someones helping him.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] I'm so sorry. I wish I was there to help.

[Over Caroline's phone] Well, maybe there's something you can do from home.

[On her phone] Anything. Tell me.

[On the island.]

[On her phone] So Shane's looking for the cure. We think we can find him. We have pictures of Jeremy's tattoo, but we just can't translate the map.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] Unless you get the Hunter's Sword from Klaus.

[Over Caroline's phone] Exactly.

[On the island.]

[To Stefan] He'll never give up the sword.

Stefan

Yeah, but if anyone's gonna get him to give it up, it's Caroline.

He will never give up the sword, not even for Caroline. He's terrified we'll use the cure against him to make him mortal, and even if he wasn't, he wouldn't want any of us to derive a moment's worth of happiness from being human.

Stefan

Well, maybe he doesn't have to give it up. I mean, Klaus is stuck in Elena's house by Bonnie's spell. He can't go anywhere. There's only so many places you can hide a three-foot piece of metal.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] [To Elena] I'll find it, don't worry. Just e-mail me photos of Jeremy's tattoo. I'll find the sword, and I'll call you back.

[On the island.]

[On her phone] Thank you, Caroline.

[In the Gilbert house.]

[On her phone] Bye. [Hangs up and picks up her jacket]

[To Caroline] Need my help with anything, love?

Nope.

[Caroline leaves the house, with Klaus watching on.]

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Stefan

Wait. What do you mean you took her to New York?

And that tone is the reason I didn't pick up the phone the first 20 times you called.

Stefan

Where is she now?

Out exploring. Maybe she's eating a hot dog or vendor.

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Stefan

Look. Silas wants to die and be reunited with his one true love, but he's supernatural, so if he takes the cure and dies, he gets stuck on the other side.

How Shakespearian.

Stefan

But if he destroys the other side altogether, he can take the cure, die, and pass on. But in destroying it, every dead supernatural being will return to our side.

That means every werewolf, every witch, every vampire. I wonder how many of those you personally killed. Care yet?

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Stefan

How's the cure search going?

Ah. Not great. I mean, it's no massacre in the making, but Rebekah trailed us here. Then in addition to my buddy being a brilliant identity thief, he's also a hoarder.

Stefan

What are you trying to find?

Will had a repeat customer, 5'7" brunette. Said she was a runner.

Stefan

Katherine.

Turns out I was helping her run from me. Ironic. Problem is I'm pretty sure that this filing system goes by birthdate, but I can't for the life of me remember Katherine's.

Stefan

June 5, 1473.

And that, brother, is why you are the better boyfriend.

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Stefan

Damon, what did you do?

Lets just say it involves a 5'7" brunette and her blonde accomplice.

Stefan

Please don't tell me this is going where I think it is.

Wrong fantasy, brother. Unless you're into betrayal and snapped necks.

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(as they search Shane's office) What are we even looking for?

Stefan

Well, if Shane really was working with Silas, chances are he was helping him plan his next move.

Where, on his evil villain to-do list? 'Steal blood, perform 3 massacres, pick up dry cleaning'?

Actually, not to nit-pick, but we evil villains usually use minions to pick up our dry cleaning, that sort of thing.

(to Stefan about Klaus) Why is he necessary again?

Stefan

Well, we don't know what Silas can do, so if we do have to go head to head with him, an Original hybrid who can't die might come in handy.

Besides, Stefan and I work well together, or at least we did in the twenties.

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Ooh, silver lining. If Rebekah takes the cure, then she's mortal. And then we can just kill her right then and there.

Stefan

Ooh, dark cloud. Elena stays a vampire forever.

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Stefan

So what happened to the guy who thought Elena should embrace being a vampire, let the chips fall where they may?

That guy got his neck snapped in New York and this guy is royally pissed off.

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Let go of me or I will bite you.

Stefan

Oh, come on. I'm the one who hates to dance, remember?

Yeah, and now I finally see why.

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Stefan

So you're just here to help Rebekah get the cure, right, on what happens to be the most sentimental night in high school.

You think this is my cry for help? I'd be happy to show you what a real cry for help sounds like.

Stefan

Hmm. So this... Us... You feel nothing?

I feel nothing.

Stefan

I don't believe you.

I don't care.

Stefan

So you don't remember what it use to feel like when we would dance? When my hand would touch your waist?

Nope.

Stefan

How about this... When our fingers would touch?

Nothing.

Stefan

And this? (Dips Elena) Does your heart really refuse to remember?

(whispers) What heart?

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I know you said to kill her with kindness, but can't I just kill her?

Stefan

I see you found a dress.

It's from Klaus.

Stefan

Hmm.

Don't ask.

Stefan

You know you have him wrapped around your little finger, right?

If I had Klaus wrapped around my finger, then I would be here with Tyler right now. Are you making any progress with the dress thief?

Stefan

I don't know. I think it's affecting me a whole lot more than its affecting her.

What do you mean?

Stefan

Every time I tell myself that I'm moving on, there's this part of me that just can't seem to shake her.

That's normal, Stefan. You guys were in love. That doesn't go away just because you declare that you're moving on.

Stefan

Then how does anyone ever seem to move on?

I don't know. I think that someday, you'll meet someone new and you'll fall madly in love. And you'll have moved on without even realizing it.

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Stefan

You looking for Silas or you waxing nostalgic about misspent youth?

What happened to you being over it?

Stefan

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, for a guy who's ready to move on, you seemed pretty convincing as a boyfriend out on the dance floor.

Stefan

I mean, isn't that what we're doing, reminding Elena of what she's lost?

Like her feelings for you?

Stefan

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

Hmm.

Stefan

I mean... I don't mean to be a dick, Damon, but Elena and I have a history. Memories, laughs, ups and downs. It was a real relationship. I mean, what you have is just a one-night stand that was probably the result of the sire-bond. (Damon moves toward Stefan and gets staked) Your mind is a very dark and riveting place, Damon.

Uh, Silas. Where's my brother, you psychic freak?

Silas

He's in the woods, where I convinced him I was you. He's probably in a bit of pain now, too. The witch is mine. Stay away from her.