Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Damon

Wait, what? No. She almost killed you!

Elena

We don't have time for a detour, Damon - Stefan's hurt. Find him.

Damon

Wait, no! Stop. Just...wait. Any sign of trouble, you let her go - do you understand me? I don't care how bad Silas wants Katherine, she's not worth a hair on your head. You got me? Okay. Kiss me.

Damon

What are you doing to my brother?

I'm frying Silas' brain. No one said it would be pretty.

Elena

Tell me what Qetsiyah said back at the cabin.

Damon

She told me that...we don't stand a chance.

Elena

And what does she know about us?

Damon

Well, she told me a very interesting little story about the history of Doppelgangers; how they're fated to fall in love with eachother. Basically, the universe programmed you to fall in love with Stefan, not me. Which means...we're a lost cause no matter what we do. (pauses) I'm paraphrasing.

Elena

..."The universe"?

Damon

Her words, not mine.

Elena

So...she's crazy.

Damon

Maybe. Maybe she's not...

Elena

Look. I know I spent the last couple days focusing on trying to find Stefan, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, and I'm not gonna let Silas' 2,000-year-old ex-girlfriend screw things up between us.

Damon

You think I am? I mean, no one tells me how I live my life, no one tells me who I love. Especially not some vindictive, prehistoric witch and definitely not the universe. And I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you, or being with you, or building a future with you, because...you are my life.

Damon

Welcome back, Brother.

Elena

Stefan... We missed you.

Stefan

Uh, I'm sorry. I--I have no idea who you people are.

Damon

Nada?

Stefan

I know "nada" means nothing. I know what day it is, I know what year it is, I know this car has a V-8 engine, and yet I am two journals deep, and I have absolutely no memory of who the hell I am.

Damon

Brutal.

Stefan

(holds up blood bag) Is this supposed to fill me up?

Damon

Well, yes and no. Technically yes, because you're a vampire.

Stefan

Weird.

Damon

Realistically no, because you're, you know, you.

Stefan

Ahh, yes. The insatiable and blood-lusting vampire ripper of Monterrey.

Damon

And we're only in the 1920s, baby.

Stefan

Well, sorry, but this is a lot to process. (starts to toss the empty blood bag out the window)

Damon

(grabs it from him) You're a vampire - not a cave man.

Stefan

So let me get this straight. I helped you steal this car, I found out I was a vampire who killed his own father, and yet I don't litter?

Damon

You're a man of principle, Stefan, who had his memories erased by a 2,000-year-old witch.

Stefan

Yeah, well I bet that 2,000-year-old witch probably drives a little faster than you.

Stefan

Let me guess - (points to himself) "fun brother", (points to Damon) "safe brother."

Damon

(hits the gas)

Stefan

What are you doing?

Damon

Do you trust me?

Stefan

Do I really have a choice?

Damon

Nope. (sends car into a tailspin; crashes it)

Stefan

This town always so upbeat about dead people?

Damon

Well, in the theme of morbid town tradition, you go back to the 1820s when everyone was so paranoid about the cholera thing that they would occasionally bury a body a wee bit before its time.

Stefan

So we have a holiday dedicated to burying people alive?

Damon

Well, they were so paranoid that they would actually request to be buried with a string attached to a bell above the ground, and then the whole family would hang around the grave for 24 hours in hopes of hearing the bell and that their loved one would come back, but now it's just really-- it's a really kick-ass excuse to get hammered.

Stefan

What kind of name is Honoria Fell?

Damon

Shh. You're kind of the one that killed her.

Stefan

Oh.

Damon

Busted.

Elena

Hey.

Damon

Hey, Miss avoiding me for three days.

Elena

Avoiding you? What? We've been talking.

Damon

Texting one time. "Want to be my plus one at a costume party?" Winky face.

Damon

Lady Ann Boleyn. Now, who in their right mind would cut off a head so gorgeous?

Elena

Uh, you, my King, my not-so-loving husband.

Damon

Well, maybe I can dance my way out of this doghouse.

Tessa

Where I come from, open bar meant ceramic jugs of Phoenician wine.

Stefan

Ok.

Tessa

You have no idea who I am, do you?

Stefan

No offense, but actually, I have no idea who a lot of people are.

Tessa

Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah.

Stefan

The girl who wiped my memories.

Tessa

Nothing personal, little ex-boyfriend drama. Let me make it up to you, buy you an "I'm sorry" drink.

Damon

More like an "I'm sorry" keg. Pardon us.

Damon

So you want to explain to me why I just killed my brother?

Silas

Well, Tessa's spell mentally linked us. I lost my psychic abilities. Stefan lost his memories.

Damon

And this severed the link?

Silas

Yes, Damon. I can read your mind again. No. I'm not lying, and maybe you enjoyed breaking your brother's neck just a little bit too much.

Elena

Quiet, still, peaceful. I like our life when it's like this.

Damon

But this is our life, which probably means that somebody's gonna walk through that door and shatter it.

Elena

Oh, don't say that.

Damon

In 10...9...(kisses her head)

Elena

Just let me enjoy the moment.

Damon

6...5...(kisses her head again)

Elena

Damon, today is the day that we're gonna bring Bonnie back. It's a good day.

Damon

3...2...(kisses her again)

Elena

Damon, it's a good day.(kisses him)

Silas

Greetings.

Damon

One.

Silas

Good morning, frenemies.

Silas

Knock, knock. (No answer) Knock, knock. Who's there? The Mayor. The Mayor who?

Damon

Well, who?

Silas

No one. That's the joke. No ones there because I killed the Mayor.

Jeremy

You're a dick.