Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Matt

So what? We just storm the place with zero weapons?

Damon

Nah, we don't need weapons. Just bait. (lunges for Matt's throat). Yoo-hoo, anybody home? Big bad vampire out here.

Elena

I remember everything. One of the highlights of my transition; remembering everything that you compelled me to forget. Like you and I met first. You're a stranger and told me you wanted me to get everything I wanted from life. Damon, why didn't you tell me?

Damon

Would it have made a difference? (pause) Didn't think so.

Elena

You asked me to make a choice, Damon. And so I did. If you're going to be mad, then take it out on me. Not Stefan, or Matt, or anyone else. Me.

Damon

Are we done here?

Elena

If it had been you at the bridge last night and not Stefan, and I begged you...

Damon

I would have saved you. In a heartbeat. No question.

Elena

What I thought. And then Matt would be dead, because you couldn't let go. Matt would be dead.

Damon

But you wouldn't be. And you would have gotten to grow up. Live the life you wanted, the life you deserve. And I know that I didn't use to get that. But I do now. And I wanted that for you, Elena. And I would have gladly given it to you and let Matt die. Because I am that selfish. But you knew that already. First night we met's not the only thing you remember.

Damon

You're making a big mistake.

Stefan

No, I'm not. If I can get Elena use to animal blood right out of the gate..

Damon

You're reaching.

Stefan

Maybe she'd be able to bypass all the things we went through.

Damon

Delusional.

Stefan

Maybe she actually has a shot at this.

Damon

Wrong. You're just wrong, Stefan.

Elena

Did you do it?

Damon

That seat's taken.

Elena

But there's no one here.

Damon

Well, I'm just gonna pretend someone's there because the alternative is just too damn depressing.

Elena

(after walking around the the other empty seat) Did you set off the explosion that killed the town counsel?

Damon

Am I wearing my "I blew up the counsel" t-shirt? Why does everyone keep asking me that?

Damon

She can't even keep my blood down.

Stefan

She drank from you?

Damon

Oops. Did I just say that out loud?

Damon

They're floating lanterns in the sky. Can you believe that? Japanese lanterns as a symbol of letting go of the past. Well, here's a newsflash: we're not Japanese! You know what they are? Children. Like lighting a candle's going to make everything ok. Or even singing a prayer, or pretending Elena's not going to end up like the rest of us murderous vampires. Stupid, delusional, exasperating little children. And I know what you're going to say: "Makes them feel better Damon". So what? For how long? A minute? A day? What difference does it make? Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not gonna make up for the fact, the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be. And a rock. With a birthday carved into it that I'm pretty sure is wrong. So, thanks, friend. You would leave me here to babysit. 'Cause I should be long gone by now. I didn't get the girl. Remember? I'm just stuck here fighting with my brother and taking care of the kids. You owe me big.

Alaric

(as a ghost) I miss you too, buddy.

Meredith

Tell me that is not a bomb.

Damon

Ok. It's a kitten. It's an adorable, exploding kitten.

Meredith

Why didn't you call your brother?

Damon

Because I'm proud and stubborn and, oh, look. You're already here. Come on, you're not going to get hurt. All I need you to do is be doctorly, and cut out the arrow. I'd do it myself but if I move (tugs on one of the strings, then mimics an explosion).

Meredith

You are a good brother.

Damon

I'm the bad brother.

Meredith

You're strung up to a bomb while Stefan plays vampire with the girl who broke your heart. But you are doing a very good job of acting like it doesn't suck.

Elena

You know he was in my school today?

Damon

Yep. Jeremy told me.

Elena

Why were you talking to Jeremy?

Damon

Don't worry about it.

Elena

Damon, don't bring him into this.

Damon

Cherish the thought he might actually be useful, Elena. (starts to unzip his jeans) You staying for the show, or... (unbuttons jeans)

Elena

(leaving) I'm finding that stake.

Connor

Is the hospital really the best place for a germaphobe?

Damon

Did I say that I was a germaphobe? Pfft. Sorry. I meant vampire.

Damon

Keep it up, buddy. We'll be scraping you off the ceiling.

Connor

You two are going to kill me anyway.

Klaus

Well, let's not be too hasty. I feel like we're just getting to know each other.

Damon

Start with the basics. Where are you from? What do you know? Maybe even cue me in on this greater evil, because I fought this guy (jerks thumb in Klaus's direction) and there's nothing more evil than that.

Klaus

Yeah, truth be told, I'm as evil as it gets.

Connor

I'm not telling you anything. You think that if you kill me it will be over? There's another waiting to take my place.

Damon

See, this is what I like to hear. Vague threats, ominous prophecies, disappearing tattoos--

Klaus

(Loses his smirk) What do you mean tattoos?

Damon

Don't bother, you can't see the damn thing.

Klaus

There's more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? (Connor attempts to stake Klaus) Nice try. But I'm faster than your average vampire. (Takes the stake from Connor and looks at the carving on it) You're one of The Five.

Damon

The what?

Connor

And I'm faster than your average hunter. (pulls the string attached to a bomb)

Elena

Why am I thinking about you?

Damon

Because you're a vampire now. And part of you knows you're a lot more like me, than you are like him.

Damon

Come one, buy me a farewell drink. Talk about that the hell Klaus meant by "The Five".

Meredith

You know you're not going anywhere, Damon. And I'm not you're new partner in vampire crime. Fix things with Stefan and Elena. Don't let your pride leave you all alone.

Elena

(after taking a little too much from Matt) What have I done?

Damon

Nothing you should be ashamed of. You are a vampire now. You just have to learn the right way to be one. And I'm going to teach you.

Damon

I'm searching for a supernatural handbook.

Stefan

You know for a fact that he was supernatural?

Damon

Definitely wasn't natural. Guy magically appears just as someone blows up the entire Founders' Council, covered in tattoos that only Jeremy Gilbert, of all people in the world, seems to be able to see. Klaus mentioned something about him being one of The Five. And he kamakazis himself with explosives. Sound natural to you?

Stefan

What's The Five?

Damon

That's what I'm hoping is in the first chapter of the handbook. (phone rings) Liz Forbes, my favorite sheriff. (pause, as Liz is saying something) What? (pause again) That's concerning. (another pause) Keep me posted.