Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Something tells me college isn't in my future anymore.

Damon

Oh, stop with the pity party. If I can go to college, you can go to college.

You went to college?

Damon

Sure. Plenty of times. I always had a thing for sorority girls.

You're disgusting.

Damon

(whispering) I know.

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I think I found one.

Damon

Roofie guy?

Mmhm.

Damon

Nice choice. Go get him.

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(after Damon walks into her bedroom) Oh. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Damon

Where's Stefan?

Okay. Ah, good morning to you too.

Damon

He's not answering his phone and he's not here. Which, you know, big deal, we've only got a killer vampire hunter on the loose.

I haven't talked to him yet today.

Damon

Hmm. Give me your phone. Maybe he's dodging me.

Why would he be dodging you?

Damon

Oh, I don't know. Maybe the hot sweaty dance party business? Figured you spilled your guilty little guts to him when I left last night. (Elena looks away) Oh, you didn't tell him, did you?

No, Damon. I didn't tell him I got high on blood like some crackhead then dirty danced with you. It was a mistake, okay? I wasn't...myself. And besides he's already got enough to deal with, trying to get me through this vampire stuff.

Damon

Oh, I see. Classic shame spiral.

I'm not in a shame spiral.

Damon

Oh you so are. Newbie vampire remorse? Whoof, it's worse than a hangover.

I'm not in a shame spiral, Damon.

(Stefan's voicemail picks up)

Damon

So either he's dodging both of us...

Or something's wrong.

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Damon

Where have you been?

Coming up with a plan.

Damon

Yeah, we have a plan. Plan is I'm going to rip Connor's heart out and feed it to him.

That's not a plan. We need to be careful. Connor has Jeremy and who knows how many other hostages.

Damon

Hence the open heart surgery.

Damon's right. Connor's strong but he's not going to be able to take all of us.

Tyler

I called in the hybrids to help, too.

Caroline

My mom put squad cars blocking the streets. They're saying it's a faulty gas main. We're good to go.

Damon

Good. Great. No cops, no witnesses, no reason to wait around.

Alright, hold on. We're not all going.

Tyler

He shot me like nine times. If we're going to kill him, I want in.

He's got Jeremy, I'm going.

Listen, nobody is going anywhere until I figure out what we're walking into.

Damon

Until you figure it out? Is that where you've been all morning? Buying bossypants?

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Damon

Bang, you're dead. Now what?

(vamp speeds, grabs the gun, pins him on the bed, aims gun at his heart) Head shot's no good. It has to be the heart. So now you're dead.

Damon

(laughs) Huh. For someone who doesn't want to be like me, you sure are good at it.

My brother is the only thing that's holding me together right now, Damon. If anything happens to him...

Damon

We'll get him out. I promise.

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Damon

(about Connor) This guy's dangerous.

SO AM I, DAMON!

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Is that my journal?

Damon

Had to go through six locks to get it. Needed something to back up your insanity. Did you figure out how to tell Klaus you lost a hunter and a hybrid?

He's on a plane. Which means I get to live for another six hours.

Damon

Well, I got your back, when he comes to murder you.

(sarcastically) Thanks. (seriously) Thanks for not saying anything to Elena.

Damon

About what? The cure that we don't have, can't find and probably doesn't exist? You're welcome.

She doesn't need to know that she killed her chance at being human again.

Damon

Alleged chance.

I believe him, Damon. You didn't hear Klaus' story. I believe every word he said.

Damon

Well, I'll remain skeptic for now. So what's your next move?

He said there was a Brotherhood of the Five. Which means there are others hunters out there. Just going to keep looking until I find one.

Damon

Sure, Stefan, since you asked, I'd be happy to go one a suicide mission with you for a potentially non-existant cure. No problem.

Yet a couple hours ago you were ready to rip my heart out.

Damon

Because you were being a pain in the ass. I just need one thing- Why do you want to cure her?

What kind of question is that?

Damon

Legitimate one. You want a cure because she's a vampire and not cut out to be one or you can't love her if she is one?

I'll always love her. But she's not supposed to be this person. I don't want her to be.

Damon

Well, if I'm gonna ride this fairytale to its conclusion, I'm gonna be clear about one thing.

What's that?

Damon

I'm fine with her either way, Brother. So, I do this, I'm doing it for you.

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What am I going to say to him?

Damon

Thanks for not ditching the family ring after it drove Ric crazy.

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Jeremy

What happened?

Damon

Long story. Buy the e-book.

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You lost her?

Damon

Well, "lost" is a very strong word, we just technically don't know where she is.

I'm more worried about what Klaus said about this Hunter's Curse.

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SShane

Why, you got a dead Hunter in the trunk of your car or something?

Damon

Metaphorically speaking.

SShane

Legend says that if a Hunter is killed by that which it hunts, then that person will be cursed to walk the earth and torment them till...

Until...

SShane

Until a new Hunter's awakened and their legacy's passed on. They're called "Potentials".

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Damon

Elena.

Damon?Have did you find me?

Damon

It dindn't take a genius to figure that out.Third time to charmed.

You were right , Damon.Vampires kill people.Stefan was right too.I can't live with myself.

Damon

Let's just talk about this before you do something stupid.Okay?Where is your ring?Where is your ring , Elena?

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Yeah, but if it wasn't for you... (grabs Damon's hand)

Damon

(sighs) I'm about to take a very... high and annoying road and tell you something. Because I know that you think Stefan's been lying to you. Which, yeah. He has. But this... rough patch that you two have been going through, it's not what you think. Everything that he's been doing, he's been doing for you. To help you. And after he kills me for telling you this, I want you to throw my ashes off of Wickery Bridge, ok? (Elena chuckles) There may be a way out of this for you, Elena. There may be a cure.

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Matt

I know you don't like me.

Damon

Heh.

Matt

But I dug up some stuff about the explosion at the Young Farm that I kind of need to tell someone about. So April mentioned that her dad knew that Professor Shane guy, which wouldn't be creepy, except he had all that info about the Hunter's Curse. And we live in a town where anybody who knows stuff is creepy until proven otherwise.

Damon

You're on the verge of impressing me. Drive it home.

Matt

I got the Sheriff to dig up the Pastor's phone records. Turns out, he made like a call a day to the same number the last month he was alive. And on the day that the council got blown up at the farm, he called it ten times. The office of Atticus Shane.

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Damon

Ok. I see shady Stefan's back. Please don't tell me that you're still working with Klaus.

You obviously haven't heard. Elena and I broke up.

Damon

Oh. Got it. Uh, well, I'll be quick, then. So apparently if we want to find the cure, we have to find a vampire hunter who can kill enough vampires to reveal the map on the Hunter's Mark. Now, unless we want Jeremy to go all Connor 2.0, I suggest we find a different hunter.

Ok. And?

Damon

And I was gonna ask Professor Shane, but it turns out he's shadier than you are. Matt Donovan connected him and the pastor through phone records. Apparently the two were very chatty the day that the pastor blew up the Council.

Ah. So you're gonna confront Shane, threaten him, possibly kill him-- that sort of thing?

Damon

Yeah, unless he tells me what he's up to. What do you say? We tag team?

Nah. I'd say you're on your own.

Damon

Or we could just blow it off, then-- go get drunk, brother-bond over some TriDelts. If you... you know, want some quality time.

Let's not pretend like this isn't the best day of your life.