Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Elena

I lure Stefan away from the bonfire. Then, when he's distracted--

Alaric

I'll shoot him.

Damon

Can't Bonnie just ju-ju him, or something?

Damon

Are you ever not gonna hate me, Ric?

Alaric

Doubtful.

Caroline

How do I fix him?

Damon

Get a new boyfriend.

Elena

Give it to me, I can do it.

Damon

No, let me.

Elena

Damon, come on!

Damon

Elena. You almost got barbecued. The least I can do is apply first-aid.

Elena

You played your part of the plan really well tonight. You had Rebekah drooling all over you...and your marshmallows....

Damon

Yeah - before she skewered me. I thought you were too drunk to notice.

Elena

I was faking most of it.

Damon

So was I.

Damon

But remember back when you liked me, and we conspired to kill Uncle Werewolf Mason Lockwood?

Alaric

Yeah. And?

Damon

I think he’s still a little pissed.

Damon

You’re right. I didn’t have to kill you. I do a lot of things I don’t have to do.

Mason

(laughs) Good enough.

Damon

Which way?

Mason

I don’t know. Flip a coin.

Damon

Aren't you supposed to be all-knowing?

Mason

I'm a ghost. Not God.

Alaric

You’re going to recycle that same crap-ass apology you gave to Mason Lockwood?

Damon

Yeah, well. I didn’t mean it with him.

Elena

How does he look?

Damon

Pasty and pouty.

Elena

He'll have to get over it.

Stefan

It’s precision born out of tragic boredom.

Damon

All that effort wasted trying to tell you how boring you were and you finally agree with me?

Stefan

Okay, time to fess up. What's the point of the jailbreak?

Damon

I thought you needed a hug, Stefan.

Elena

(sighs) Damon, seriously?

Damon

We got Mikael.

Elena

What? How?

Damon

No idea. I guess Katherine came through. The plan's in motion.

Elena

(looks surprised)

Damon

See? I told you I had it. Go ahead - kick, yell, scream. I'm sure you've been planning your rant all day.

Elena

I'm not gonna yell at you.

Damon

Why not? I went behind your back, freed Stefan. And you know what? It backfired. He’s an even bigger dick than ever. It’s just, now, he’s a dick that’s on our side.

Elena

I'm not mad. I'm tired. I just-- I want to go to bed.

Damon

You know, I think Mikael's weapon is a stake, because he mentioned something about it...

Elena

Well, then they must have carved it from the white oak tree before they burned it down.

Damon

So I was right. After all that, the wall led us to Mikael.

Elena

It led us to more than just that. I think I got Rebekah on our side, too.

Damon

Really? What'd you learn from here?

Elena

I learned that she's just a girl. That she lost her mom too young, and she loves blindly and recklessly - even if it consumes her. You know, when all is said and done...there's nothing more important than the bond of family.

Damon

(scoffs) You should tell that to my brother.

Elena

I'm not mad at you for letting him out, Damon. I think that you're gonna be the one to save him from himself. It won't be because he loves me. It'll be because he loves you.

Damon

I am forming a secret contingency plan.

Elena

Really? What is it?

Damon

Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.

Damon

It's very...Katherine of you.

Elena

Not the way to make me feel better about myself, Damon.

Damon

It was a compliment. Sort of.