Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Stefan

What is wrong with you?!

Damon

What is wrong with you? You kill Andie one day, you save my life the next. What are you, good? Bad? Pick one!

Stefan

Klaus almost saw Elena today. You have to get her out of Chicago.

Damon

She's not going anywhere until she's got you checked into vampire rehab and on the mend. Trust me, I've tried.

Stefan

She is the key to everything. Klaus can't know she's alive.

Damon

What are you talking about?

Stefan

She was supposed to die in the sacrifice, and she didn't - now Klaus can't create any new hybrids. And his witch is seconds away from figuring that out. Tell Elena to go home and forget about me.

Damon

Tell her yourself.

Klaus

I see they've opened the doors to the riffraff now.

Damon

Oh, honey, I've been called worse.

Damon

Show up, there's going to be nine other people that brought chili.

Elena

It's an old family recipe, okay?

Damon

Yeah - I know! I knew your old family. They made sucky chili.

Elena

Where have you been?

Damon

Managing Bill Forbes. Apparently, he's impervious to compulsion.

Alaric

How?

Damon

I have no idea. But he threatened to out me. Don't get me started on the irony of that...

Elena

Maybe it's not a bad idea. I mean, it'll help you keep yourself in control, now that Stefan's not here to...

Damon

To what? To keep me in check? Make me behave? I should have killed him this morning.

Elena

He's Caroline's dad, Damon.

Damon

Yeah, and when I kill him, she'll have one more parent than we do. (starts to leave)

Alaric

(blocks him) Oh, come on, Damon!

Damon

You're repeatedly killing my buzz today, Ric. Step aside.

Alaric

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

Damon

(sighs) Your temporary funeral. (breaks his neck)

Elena

Damon, no! What is wrong with you?!

Elena

You can't do this anymore, Damon. Not in this town. Not around me!

Damon

Why not? Nothing I haven't done before. Why is it suddenly so important for everybody to keep me in check?

Elena

Because I don't want you to be what other people think that you are.

Damon

What? A monster? Sorry to disappoint you Elena, but last time I checked I was still a vampire!

Elena

I just wish that you didn't have to act like one!

Damon

I am NOT Stefan, Elena. How about you stop trying to turn me into him.

Alaric

You killed me!

Damon

Ric, no hard feelings, alright? I was on a bit of a tear, and everyone was trying to tell me how to behave-

Alaric

Or maybe they finally realized you’re just a dick.

Katherine

What if I told you there is a way to kill Klaus? And not dagger dead. Dead dead.

Damon

I'd say you're either desperate or lying. Or drunk. Or a desperate, lying, drunk.

Katherine

You're going to get yourself killed. The Damon I remember wouldn't have been that stupid.

Damon

(pauses) I wouldn't have done it for you.

Klaus

Well, look who finally decided to show up to the party.

Damon

Where is she?

Klaus

Elena? Ah, she's making a donation to a greater cause. (blocks him) I'm afraid I can't let you interfere, mate.

Damon

You'll have to kill me.

Klaus

Oh, I would love to kill you. But I made a pledge to your brother and, unlike him, I keep my word. Although, you know what? Thinking about it now, he probably doesn't care that much anymore. (grabs Damon by the throat and pins him against the hood of a car)

Damon

(talking fast) You don't wanna know about your friend Mikael?

Klaus

What do you know about Mikael?

Damon

Just that he knows you're here...

Klaus

Bluffing.

Damon

Katherine and I found him. Consider it our leverage.

Elena

...Damon...?

Damon

(quietly) Hey.

Damon

Hey, have some bourbon. (passes her the glass) It'll help you forget.

Elena

(takes a sip and grimaces) Mm.

Damon

Yeah, it's– strong. You know, I can help you forget, too. At least the memories you don't want to keep.

Elena

No. No compulsion. I need to remember. All of it.

Damon

(holds up her vervain necklace) I stole it back for you.

Elena

He's really gone this time. I watched it happen. After everything we went through to get– to help him, now he's just– gone. (crying) Where were you, Damon?

Damon

I shouldn't have left. (pauses) I promise you – I will never leave you again.

Damon

What? What do you mean "what"? I've been calling you for two days.

Katherine

Odd. That's exactly how long I've been ignoring you.

Damon

What? Are you going to bench-press a vampire?

Elena

Do you actually know what's happening right now? Stefan called me a "human blood bag".... He's a completely different person... (grunts as she lifts the weights)

Damon

(pushes down on the barbell with one hand)

Elena

What are you doing?

Damon

Helping you out.

Elena

Damon!

Damon

Come on, Buffy!

Elena

Like one obnoxious Salvatore isn't bad enough.

Damon

You called - I'm here.