Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Damon

You know, did you know that your uncle's been kickin' it with the Founder's Council?

Elena

What?

Damon

Yep.

Elena

Perfect. We'll just add it to the growing list of how everything's falling apart.

Damon

It is what it is, Elena. The Stefan you know is 'good behavior' Stefan; 'rein it in' Stefan; 'fight against his nature to an annoyingly obsessive level' Stefan. But if you think there's not another part to this, then you have not been paying attention. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Elena

He is not you. Not even close.

Damon

Well, he's doesn't wanna be me. But that doesn't mean, deep down, that he's not.

Stefan

Oh God. I shouldn't be here.

Damon

Come on, don't be a downer. It's a party for the founding families - that would be us. It would be rude to skip it.

Stefan

You know, I really liked you a whole lot better when you hated everybody.

Damon

Oh, I still do. I just love that they love me.

Elena

Have you noticed what your brother's been up to?

Damon

Nope. I've been too preoccupied with yours. Jeremy's been asking questions about Vicki Donovan's death.

Elena

He knows that her death was ruled an overdose.

Damon

Really? (imitating Jeremy's voice) Oh, but Sheriff, someone buried her! Who would do that? (points to himself) I know! I know! Me. (pauses) I mean, I could compel him, but he's wearing vervain...

Elena

No - I don't want you to compel him.

Damon

If he keeps asking questions...

Elena

Damon, no! I'm serious! I'm not gonna do that to him again. I'll handle it.

Damon

(sighs) Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

John

So what do you think, Damon? You know this vampire problem is real, right? It's a potential bloodbath.

Damon

Oh, I wouldn't overreact, John.

John

You see, it seems that there was a tomb under the church, where vampires were hidden away - waiting for someone to come along and set them free. But then you already knew that, didn't you? Being that you're the one that did it.

Damon

And you're telling me this...why?

John

I just thought we'd get the introductions out of the way...

Damon

Look, well, you know I could rip your throat out before anyone would notice.

John

(nods) Right.

Damon

Yeah, okay. But you probably ingest vervain, so...

John

Why don't you take a bite, find out?

Damon

It's not worth my time.

John

(scoffs)

Damon

(chuckles) Hm. (pauses, then snaps his neck)

Damon

Do you wanna hear the bad news, or the really bad news?

Stefan

Actually, I don't want any news, Damon.

Damon

Alright, well, let me rephrase: do wanna hear how the council's back in 'vampire mode', or... how I just killed uncle John Gilbert?

Stefan

...What?

Damon

Great party, by the way, huh?

Damon

Look at his right hand.

Alaric

Whose?

Damon

Town's favorite son. Look at his ring.

Alaric

Wow. It looks like mine.

Damon

Yeah... And that'd be a big coincidence if he didn't just come back from the dead five minutes ago. Where the hell did you get that ring?

Alaric

Isobel, my wife.

Damon

Who gave birth to Elena, under the medical care of the esteemed Dr. Grayson Gilbert - John's brother!

Alaric

You think John knew Isobel?

Damon

I think John knows a lot of things.

Damon

Going somewhere?

John

Never liked to be the last one to leave a party. It's too desperate. You gonna kill me again, or you gonna let Mr. Saltzman do your dirty work?

Alaric

Okay. You obviously know who I am.

John

I do. Alaric Saltzman, the high school history teacher with a secret.

Damon

You sure know a lot for someone who just got to town.

John

More than you can imagine, Damon. My knowledge of this town goes beyond anything that you, or you, or the council, knows. So, if you were planning on some clever, high speed, snatch-ring vamp kill-move, know that if I die, everything I know goes to the council - including the fascinating little tale of the original Salvatore brothers and their present-day return to Mystic Falls.

Alaric

How did you get that ring?

John

I inherited one. My brother, Gray, the other. This was his, although I wouldn't have given mine to Isobel had I known she'd hand it over to another guy.

Damon

So you did know her?

John

Who do you think sent her your way when she wanted to become a vampire?

Damon

You sent her?

John

Guilty. Why? Did you think someone else sent her? Maybe Katherine Pierce?

Damon

How do you know about Katherine?

John

How do I know anything, Damon?

Damon

What do you want?

John

So many questions...

John

Meaning the vampire who stole the blood used mind control to hide the theft.

Damon

I know what she means.

John

I think we'll make a good team. Don't you, Damon?

Damon

John, whatever I can do to help keep this town safe. Even if it means spending time with you.

Damon

You were playing house with half of a tomb of really pissed-off vampires. What did you think was going to happen?

Anna

My mom is devastated. They tried to overthrow her.

Damon

Why isn't she here, telling me this?

Anna

She doesn't really do apologies.

Damon

Well, that's a coincidence, 'cause I don't do forgiveness.

Stefan

You're making small talk. Why?

Damon

You seem awfully chipper, lately. Less doom and gloom - a little more pep in your step...

Damon

Stefan, let's be serious for a second. You spent the last century and a half being a poster child for Prozac, and now you expect me to believe that this "new you" has nothing to do with human blood? Nothing?

Stefan

I'm clean.

Damon

You're lying!

Stefan

Believe what you want.

Damon

Well, well...he's a liar and a thief. So, when were you gonna share?

Stefan

Go ahead. Help yourself.

Damon

No, no, I'm talking about the fact that you're a closet blood junkie.