(Phil and Emma are home in their flat -- discussing Ollie.)
Why the fuck do you have to keep inviting him round here?
Oh, are you a bit jealous?
Of the man from the Mr Muscle adverts? No, I just think it's just unreasonable that I have to watch what I'm gonna say in my own flat; I mean, you could at least give me warning if he's coming round or something.
I tell you what, I'll put a sex grid on the fridge.
Oh, yeah.
So that you can have dates and stuff: I'll put an A4 piece of paper for me up, and maybe you could have half a post-it note? You could share it with Affers, maybe.
Yeah. Have to write really small, though, I've slept with three women in –
(returning from the toilet) Your life?
Yes.
(Ollie laughs)
(Ollie, Emma, and Phil are watching Ben Swain's Newsnight interview together. Malcolm, who is also watching from his office, is on the phone to Jamie, who is watching Ben from inside the studio.)
What's he doing with his eyes?
Oh my God. He's got a nervous blink.
That's a mega blink! It's not just a blink.
He looks like what happens when you punch a cow. (impersonates a cow mooing in pain)
Oh my God, this is like watching a lion rape a sheep, but in a bad way.
The cameramen are laughing.
"J-j-j-j-just"!
Stop him, stop him!
He spelled "just" with four Js!
He's like a chicken, he's like an enormous chicken!
It's just one word he's been saying, which is basically (gibberish).
Well, what about the coalface?
Pull it, puncture his lifebelt. Pull it, give him the signal. If he shits, I'll give you 500 quid.
(After Ben Swain's interview)
Well he certainly looked like a Nutter.
He looked like that little guy on the green that shouts 'You're an Arab' at everyone.
It's a tough day tomorrow, picking bits of Ben out of Malcolm's car.
He didn't mention the coalface idea.
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