Jim Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

[in slight awe] I'm a good judge of people; that is a fine young man with a remarkable character.

Jim

Oh, no doubt about it. Lance is perfect. It's his only flaw.

Well, what do you think of him, son?

Jim

Oh, Lance? Well I, I guess you could say when they were passing out raincoats, he got a beauty.

Well I uh, I suppose it does seem a bit unfair to you. After all, you were the one who risked your life to save Veronica. Lance ends up with the girl and, I suppose, everything else... . And I think it's only fitting that uh, you should profit in some additional way beyond the bonus. After all, you're the real hero.

Jim

Well, that really isn't necessary, sir...

[Cuts Jim off] Fine, fine, just thought I'd offer. Nice seeing you.

Peggy Becker

[announcing Dennis' promotion] Has everyone got a glass? Now we are going to have a toast. Okay, are you ready? To my husband Lieutenant Becker.

Dennis Becker

That's right, and Deputy Town called me and said that's it!

Jim

Great! That's really great! Lieutenant! I told you Rocky, I told everybody he was going to do it. A Lieutenant, that's great!

Dennis

There's only one problem: Lieutenant Chapman, from here on out, I gotta call him Doug.

As you know, the Falcone legend has been told many different ways... this last time it was by his former partner Walt Wexler, and unfortunately the toys and the man are closely identified.

There's a complete line of police toys under his name.

Jim

Oh, and I'm supposed to keep the name and the legend clean?

Yes! If you could low profile Falcone just until we get the toy line launched, nothing more...

Just your being with him will have a calming effect! Just like a... a steer with a fighting bull.

That could be the worst analogy I've ever heard...

Jim knows what I mean, don't you Jim?

Rocky

[Rocky's on the couch in Jim's trailer as Falcone is starting] Come on, come on, come on!

Jim

I'll be right there!

[Aiming his gun at the unseen villain] Freeze, turkey!

Rocky

[Rocky smiles, and yells] There! [claps his hands with glee] There!

Jim

[sitting down] Oh, oh, I'm sorry...

Rocky

Anyway, that's the part that I really like. Ain't that something - the way he says 'Freeze, turkey', all, real loud, like that? 'Freeze, turkey!'

What are your first impressions of the place? I mean, are the juices right? Because before we go inside and... and waste everybody's time on details, I think we should all know if we're in the ballpark.

Jim

[undercover as a representative of a famous real estate client] Well, the inside of the house is not a detail? Well, let me see, I think I'd say we're in the ballpark. It's large enough to allow for a security staff, and the two children want California, especially Caroline...

[grabs Jim by the arm] Mr. Lamont, let's speak frankly. Are we talking about here about Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis?

Jim

Now I didn't say that, and you'd do well not to repeat anything you've heard here today.

[barely able to hide his glee] Oh, absolutely!

Jim

It's like you said... you've dealt with the very, very famous. It's no big deal.

Absolutely! I don't think I'd be speaking out of school if I said to you that those names I mentioned before [Charo, Cher, Ringo, Barbra] are just... chicken liver! [laughs] What is show business fame? Get it! I mean, I know that you, I mean she, could trust me implicitly and absolutely!

Jim

Oh, absolutely...!

About Miriam... you know... it was pure physical depletion that caused that problem she was talking about. That's never happened to me before... probably'll never happen again! Truth is, I've been battling this insidious case of mononucleosis these past weeks. I should see my doctor.

Jim

Yeah, well, when illness interferes with your work you should. I've seen that notebook you have. How many broads with money do you have on the hook exactly?

You make it sound mechanical. I have some basic human needs. Caring. Affection. Oh, I do feel sick...

Jim

Would you like a second opinion? Fear is what causes that lack of steam. It's hard to get excited about old Miriam when you keep picturing yourself hanging upside down while some Arab's picking your teeth.

Emotions never affect my performance.

Jim

[grins] Real trooper, huh?

Angel

What I am tryin' to demonstrate to you is what true influence is worth. I'm not talkin' small time, I'm talkin' the big bag job in the sky!

Angel

Anytime Chapman starts to bother you or any of your friends, you call Angel Martin. I'll have him crated and shipped to the apple orchard indefinitely, for which I'll pick up a little money or favor from...

Jim

Well, that could be dangerous, Angel. That's what's called influence peddling!

Angel

Peddling? I ain't a peddler. A peddler is a guy who stands on a corner and eats exhaust fumes!

Jim

What's Chapman doing working the door?

Angel

Chapman and a couple of other off-duty cops are here acting as security cuz there's a lot of important people. We've got four police commissioners, we've got a deputy mayor, we've got two deputy police chiefs. Thing is bigger than Cher's birthday.

Jim

O.K., what's the problem? It's a simple phone call, I'd do it myself, but he'd recognize my voice.

Angel

What's the real deal here? Who are the big fish about to be fried?

Jim

What are you babbling about?

Angel

I just got here. But you know ole Angel, I can always smell the grand green. You can start by telling little Margaritte she can drop the blind act. I ain't gonna snitch on her.

Jim

[Incredulously] What is the matter with you? She IS blind! She had an accident 10 years ago! Now you get...

Angel

[laughing] Jimmy, Jimmy. I know the moves. I know how it's done, son. I did two months as Blind Lemon Martin on Market St. up in 'Frisco. Dobro guitar and harmonica rack, sad-like and miserable, you know how bad I play. But I did 1500 bucks worth of quarters in a month. [whispers intently] The sympathy factor!

Jim

If we could see a pictorial representation of your mind it would look like a fire drill in a state asylum.

Angel

Yea, well anyway I know she's a classy lady, got a body by Pininfarina and all that. Now I know it ain't no low-grade scam like mine. So what is it? Is she fronting for some charity? She goes around to all the big corporations and you come along as the packager of the telethon? I love it. LOVVVVE IT! Let me in on it, Jimmy. I can be the research doctor, take a painless 2%.

Jim

You'll get in for what I give you. [He shoves him through door] Get in there!

Jim, listen. I know you didn't get the best deal out of this. Well, I tell you what, if money's your problem I think I may have a solution. First, I want to thank you for saving my life, and I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a way to express my gratitude, and I finally did.

Jim

[smiles] You don't really have to do anything, I mean...

Oh, yes, I do. As you may know, I'm always on the lookout for a good man.

Jim

I've heard it said...

And now that I'm going to be devoting full attention to the fight business, the dealer management job's wide open; I'd bet you'd look terrific in a red blazer...

Jim

Not a chance.

Baby, come on! Think of it! You know, you could do the Spanish speaking commercial. You'd become a celebrity!

Jim

I'm sorry, but I don't tap dance.

At least have dinner with me, huh? We could go to my place...

Jim

I'm sorry, Ruth, but I'm a little old-fashioned, you know. I, uh, I like to open the doors and light the cigarettes and make the passes.

[she takes her hand away] A-a-a-h, you're right! I'm sorry! There I go, again! I'm sorry, really...

Jim

[smiles again] Ah, it's okay...

[puts her arm around his shoulders] We'll go to your place.

[examining Rockford's business card] Private detective - now there's a really creepy occupation.

Jim

Well, we can't all be fortunate enough to sell old French paratrooper pants to fashion-conscious Middle America.

Don't knock what sells, buddy.

Jim

Is there a chance that Berucci's in trouble with loan sharks?

Loan sharks? - don't be ridiculous.

Jim

Well, I know they're very active in the garment center - there are a lot of high-risk businesses. You know, they have very direct ways of protecting investments.

We're talking about haute couture, not some sleazy ready-to-wear manufacturer.

Jim

Well, there's an expression - no matter how you cut it, it's still the rag business.

Jim

[as Alta sets soup and crackers before him] What's that?

Dinner - I'll get mine.

Jim

Oh, well, that'll be a real energy boost - I'll just wolf this right down and go out and stop a freight train.

That, my dear sir, is a fashion model's feast. Go easy on the Wheat Thins.

Jim

That's gastronomically impossible.

Well, a real fashion model would have had saltless crackers - but what the hell - let's splurge.

Jim

[at Rocky's house sifting through shoe boxes full of Jim's receipts] Look Angel, I've got problems of my own. I've got a tax mess here that's so bad I'm gonna have to spend three days up at Adriana's place at Arrow Head just trying to sort it out... how are you doing for April and May, Dad?

Jim I hope you don't mind my saying, but I think this is symptomatic of the whole problem! Why are these receipts stored here in the first place?

Jim

Well, do you wanna try living in a house trailer and running a business out of it too?

Which you can't claim, by the way.

Rocky

Alice Faye... I'm thinking of all them pictures and records I collected back in the 40s. That's it! Alice Faye! [runs off]

Jim

Alice Faye...? April and May...?