Mr. Dalton Humphrey, you have 30 seconds to get Uncle Red to say this word- [giggles nervously, too embarrassed to say the word himself, but does point to it on the card] and go!
[coughs and clears throat]
Sex?
Possum Lodge Word Game
The building you were in when you were married.
BSBob Steuyvesant
Motel 6.
MHMike Hammer
And today's winner will receive a new house... roof... shingle. [holds it up]
Younger than 20; older than 12.
Shoplifter?
This is a family member, Mike; the man who slept with your mother.
MMike
Could you be a little more specific?
If your wife had kids, you would be...?
MMike
Long gone.
Aha! Just like your...?
MMike
Father.
This is something you play at parties...
EEdgar
Spin the grenade!
This is an animated character. Very wacky. Donald...
Trump?
Why do you have such a negative attitude towards the festive season, Dalton?
Gee, you should come by my house Christmas morning. Then yule see.
Monologues
I want to talk to old guys about telling stories that nobody wants to hear.
You know in Hollywood they actually have a system for telling stories.
Say for instance you have a movie idea, I got lots okay, but you know anyway.
A professional with a concise premise of one or two sentences, something like:
"A meteorologist and his ex-wife chase tornadoes around the Midwest; and a bunch of special effects happens."[He wiggles his fingers trying to help visualize the story, and then he giggles.]
Yeah, if people like that, and only if they like that, you can go on to tell the treatment.
And it's just like a little longer version with more details.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Red Green Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.