Red Green quotes from The Red Green Show

Red Green

(repeated line) ...the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape.

Red

(opening line of each Repair Shop segment) If it ain't broke, you're not trying.

Red

(closing line of each Handyman Corner segment) If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

Red

(closing line of each show) Keep your stick on the ice.

Red

(closing line of each Mid-Life Musings segment) Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

Red

[Being dangerous is] what gets the juices flowing -- the adrenaline, the testosterone, the hydrogen peroxide...

Red

(as he duct tapes a spare tire to the flat tire) This is only temporary, unless it works.

Red

Things don't improve with age. Look at your truck. Look at your roof. Look in the mirror!

Red

Men who need glasses sometimes make passes at women who are already their wives.

Red

If your wife's having a good time and you're not, you're still having a better time than if you're having a good time and she's not.

Red

If you can't stay young, you can at least stay immature.

Red

Oh, the mountain is high and the valley is low / It's the laws of nature that make it so / If the valley is high and the mountain is low / You're either upside-down or drunk, or both.

Red

A horse with a horn is called a unicorn / A horse with stripes is called a zebra / A horse with wings is called Pegasus / And a horse with a broken leg is called glue.

Red

Oh, your hands are connected to your arms / Your arms are connected to your shoulders / Your shoulders are connected to your body / Your body is connected to your head / Oh, your head is connected to... nothing... / Which explains a lot.

Red

Oh, hats off to my science teachers / They were absolutely right after all / 'Cause I just threw a fridge off my roof / And cold air definitely falls.