Michael, Pam and others in “Stress Relief”

Michael

I just had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people.

Pam

What?

Michael

Well, I wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget. [clears throat] Jim, you’re 6’11”, and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you’re a kiss ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted. Meredith, you’ve slept with so many guys you’re starting to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, your teeth called. Your breath stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela, where’s Angela? Well, there you are. I didn’t see you behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted.

Michael

Oscar, you are…[starts giggling] Oscar [chuckles], you’re gay.

Oscar

Wow.

Michael

Andy, Cornell called. They think you suck. And you’re gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted.