I learned a while back that if I don't text 911, people will not return my calls. Uhhm, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
“Frame Toby” · Season 5, Episode 9
In this episode: Michael Scott (4), Toby Flenderson (2), Dwight Schrute (1), Jim Halpert (1)
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier, it's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business; she's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada – I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard: I have a son, and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadéro. She's been waiting for me all these years, she's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
Toby works here again.
Oh, can you imagine?
Oh no. You don't know.
I don't know. What?
You should probably just meander back there; take a look. See if he's... See if he's back.
Dare I? [chuckles] You know what, I'm going to, for old time's sake.
[Michael walks to the annex and stands in Toby's cubicle, wondering that Toby isn't there.]
Great practical joke, Jim. Got me to go to the annex.
[He turns around and sees Toby standing at his desk.]
Hey, Michael--
[visibly horrified] NOOOO, GOD! No, God, please, no! No! NO! [a short pause] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail.
[Toby discovers that Michael and Dwight planted caprese salad in his drawer in an attempt to have him arrested for drug possession]
You must feel pretty good about yourself right now.
I didn't put caprese salad in my drawer, Michael. Did you?
Since when is it illegal to put caprese salad anywhere?
You know but the police could have been out there you know, catching real criminals instead of here searching my stuff.
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, that's who you're worried about? You're... you're worried about the cop's time? You think I framed you, and you're worried about the taxpayer? Dah, GOD! [scoffs] Welcome back, jerky jerk-face.
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