That sales clerk was SO rude!
I know! You ask to try on 20 pairs of shoes and right away they get an attitude.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Coming up with an excuse to get Maggie out of gym class]
How about severe depression brought on by feelings of inadequacy and fear of death?
Gracie, where do you come up with these things?
Usually during hopscotch.
CSCoach Stone
You call that a double handspring layout?! SHAPE UP!!! I've seen better routines in Gymboree! You MARY LOU ROTTEN!!!!
It's like my mother always says—
"You can freeze anything"?
No.
"Why buy Sweet'N Low when restaurants are giving it away"?
No.
"Seven cans of tuna fish count as one in the express line"?
No. My mother always said: "Blood is thicker than water. And you can wash them both off of plastic slip covers".
Mr. Sheffield, can I talk to you for just one minute?
I doubt it.
So would you like me to be there when you tell the children?
Oh Do we have to tell the children?
I think they'll notice you're missing.
Can't you just tell them I'm taking a bath?
Ms. Fine, you'll be gone forever.
Tell them I'm putting on my makeup.
Hey, kids, you know when I'm down in the dumps, what cheers me up?
A fifth of scotch and a fresh pack of batteries?
Hi. I'm Fran and this is Gracie.
BBobbi
[One of the contestants] I'm Bobbi Jo and this is my daughter Betty Jo.
How are things in Petticoat Junction? [They share polite laughter]
BBobbi
So is this your first beauty pageant?
Hardly. Yours?
BBobbi
Oh, 'fraid not. Ms. Sun Svelte 1982.
'83 Ms. Manny, Moe & Jack.
BBobbi
'84 Ms. Leon County.
'85 Ms. Union Turnpike.
BBobbi
'87 finalist, Ms. Universe.
Oh. Nothing in '86, huh?
I don't know how C.C. can be so insensitive.
Oh, sir, the woman would invite the Clintons to go whitewater rafting.
First day of school already, huh? Summer just flew by.
Spoken by a man who did not see The Lion King 257 times.
SGThe security guard at night cub
( asking Maxwell a question) are they with you?
SMr. Sheffeild
(Talking about Fran and Val) No, don't know them, Never saw them, Perfect strangers
Mr. Sheffeild
Oh and I might be gay (winks and gives thumbs up to security guard)
Honey, you're talking to a woman whose underpants fell off in Bloomingdales.
What did you do?
I kicked 'em down to the Lancome counter and kept on walking.
To bad she was going to fix me up with her boss. English, Handsome, Rich all right he's got a couple of kids but i could live with that.
Well maybe next time huh.
Careful old man. [talking about Niles dropping a pan]
Oh yes sir you see, i should have used my ovenmitt, instead of this somewat inferior substitution, but i didn't realize i wanted my ovenmitt until i saw them together, then i realised that of course my ovenmitt was exactly what i wanted and goodness gracious it was under my nose the entire time. [looks at Mr Sheffield to see if he got it]
Good, glad you found it.
Did you know that if you squeeze coal really hard it turns into a diamond?
Not true. One summer, me and Val went through a whole bag of Kingsford briquettes trying for earrings.
No luck, huh?
No way, but to this day, I got a handshake like Lou Ferrigno.
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