- Ah, that's not clever. Anyone can drop their pants. ("Pants dropping" sound)
- (Looks down on boxers) I didn't know you were Lithuanian.
- Uh-oh. Better get out your old army uniform.

- Boooo!
- That was the worst thing I ever heard!
- It was terrible!
- Horrendous!
- Well, it wasn't that bad.
- Oh yeah?
- There were parts of it I liked.
- Yeah, I liked a lot of it.
- Yeah, it was good, actually.
- It was great!
- It's wonderful!
- Ah, bravo!
- More!
- More!
- More!
- More!
- Brilliant!

- (Looks at his watch) That was about, uh, a minute-and-a-half.
- The question is, what is a Mah Nà Mah Nà?

- Did you like it?
- No.
- Then it wasn't different.
- You know, the older I get, the more I appreciate good music.

- An act of mercy!
- That's talent. An opera singer who tap-dances and sings cowboy songs. I wonder if there's anything she isn't good at.

- Every time I leave this theater.
- (Statler laughs until he faints down to the ground with a death-like "ohhh")
- Gonzo: It's just a simple question of mind over matter...

- Bravo!
- I loved that!
- Ah, that was great!
- Well, it was pretty good.
- Well, it wasn't bad...
- Uh, there were parts of it that weren't very good though.
- It could have been a lot better.
- I didn't really like it.
- It was pretty terrible.
- It was bad.
- It was awful!
- It was terrible!
- Take 'em away!
- Bah, boo!
- Boo!
- More! More!

- Are you sure you didn't just forget to put them on?
- This show brought a tear to my eye...

- At least they blew up the right half.
- (in unison) Theirs!
- I now realize television has one major advantage over a live stage show.

- Frankly, I'd call it "Quits".
- (in unison) Quits! Quits!
(talking to characters from Sesame Street)

- Fozzie: I can't help that, they were all written by the same writer.
- He's got a point there.
- Yeah, on his head!
- The legend of Robin Hood will never die.

- Double or nothing for next week's show?
- You're on.
- (Statler is scratching his body)

- (in unison) ...but different!
- I liked that last number.

Dr Bob: This is D for Doc B for Bob saying turn off the Joy Juice [laughs then puts gas mask to his left ear] Hmm? [speaks into it] Ten-Roger, Ok where were we? Pulse?
Nurse Piggy: [checks pulse] (gasps) No pulse Dr Bob
Dr Bob: Hmmm, Heartbeat?
Nurse Janice: [checks heartbeat] No heartbeat Dr Bob
Dr Bob: No pulse, no heartbeat, no use. He's gone!
Nurse Janice: And Dr Bob your record was so good, you saved nine out of ten
Dr Bob: My record is still good, this week he was ten
Announcer: And so Dr Bob's record is still good, it is top on the medical fame, with a bullet, tune in next when we will hear nurse Piggy say...
Nurse Piggy: I hope nobody hears about this Dr Bob
Dr Bob: At least he wont say anything, hahaha!
Nurse Piggy: I get it! haha! I get it! (laughs with him)

- And that was nothing like it.
- These seats are awful.