SShauna
[to Jeremy] No offense, but that excuse stinks. I told them you were helping a little black kid.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
GGwen
I did not set them up! They met at our "Doors of Greenwich, Connecticut Tour", which if memory serves, you referred to as "Honkey-Palooza."
That is... hilarious. But I don't think that I said that.
GGwen
Your date with Dennis did not go well, you said so yourself.
Gwen, I am my own worst credit, you know that. Remember that time I went to karaoke and everyone was like "Mindy, you are like a really good singer, you should do this professionally" and I was like "No, I'm a doctor!"?
I'm having lunch with him at one.
SSophia
Fine, I'll be there.
You have class.
SSophia
Yeah, "The History of Dubstep."
AAlex
Mindy, you need to move to Europe. Let me put it this way: Do you like good food?
Mm-hmm.
AAlex
Do you like art?
Yep.
AAlex
Do you like uncircumcised penises?
Hey.
GGwen
Hey! Excuse me. Hello. We're in a restaurant.
AAlex
I mean, they're everywhere.
Here's the thing I'm worried about: I get there, no one speaks English, my hair dryer doesn't work, someone tries to pin a drug thing on me.
Shouldn't you be back in school? Oh my god, did my tuition check bounce? Sometimes they don't take those Hunger Games checks seriously, but I get such good Mockingjay points.
[To Betsy and Shauna, about her brother Rishi] Guys, I may have the curves, but he ruins the curves... Did you guys understand... what I meant by that?
George has always been so nice to us. Remember when his wife died? He gave me all her old bras.
The key, Mindy, is to find a man who you are attracted to but don't respect and can't see a future with.
Draco Malfoy.
Someone not fictitious.
How many best friends from college do you have?
Best friend isn't a person Danny, it's a tier.
One time to get a girl back, I drove a motorcycle through a flaming hoop.
Who wouldn't marry a guy who has his own flaming hoop?
[as if she's dumb] No, I borrowed the hoop, from my friend.
What about the ads in the diner placemats?
They shut that place down for human trafficking.
Ugh.
I know, so sad. I loved their pork chops.
Now I'll have two famous signatures for my autograph book. You and... [proudly] mayor David Dinkins.
We hooked up once... And then a couple more times. But then only once.
Ok, you guys are sneaking around behind my back! You with an enemy of the practice! What do you do? Do you make fun of my piano playing?
Why would that come up?
It comes up!
I like your piano playing.
Oh come on Mindy, please! My piano playing sucks!
Why are you going to Hell?
I love gossip and I don't really care about the environment.
[to Morgan] You're fired.
What?!
No. I did something unthinkable.
He did.
Gotta pay the ultimate price. One week suspension with pay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Mindy Project pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.