Danny Castellano quotes from The Mindy Project

Danny

I was thinking of doing some traveling.

Mindy

You hate everywhere.

Mindy

You haven't let off Graham since the edamame arrived.

Danny

They're cold soybeans. They're from Iowa.

Mindy

Back off, grandpa.

Danny

That's not an insult, ok? Grandfathers are the backbone of this country.

Mindy

I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my wrist that says "breathe."

Danny

Breathe? That's something you forget to do? Why won't you put "walk" on your feet. You should think about getting "idiot" on your forehead.

Mindy

I should just spend the night at your place.

Danny

No, no, no. Call one of your friends!

Mindy

The only number I have memorized is my Thai place, they're not gonna let me spend the night. Which is so unfair because I know they have mattresses back there.

Danny

No guys?

Mindy

Nope.

Danny

Girls?

Mindy

I wish! Oh my God, how hot would me and Keira Knightley be? All snuggled up in a log cabin.

Danny

You think you could pull Keira Knightley?

Mindy

I could! It would be like Bend It Like Beckham. And I can take a bra off like that [snaps her fingers].

Danny

I haven't seen you smile this much since you found out that you're younger than Katie Holmes.

Mindy

That old hag.

Mindy

How about we go to the bedroom and you show me if there’s any room in your closet for me.

Danny

No. No, there’s no space for you in there because that’s where all my pressed jeans go, okay? There’s no room for you. You got this now, okay?

Mindy

Maybe we should just go and, uh, check anyway.

Danny

I don’t need to check. I’m telling you right now, there’s no room for you in there.

Mindy

Have sex with me in your closet, you dumb-dumb.

Mindy

[in the bathtub] Danny, my beloved sex partner, get in here. Welcome to your erotic bath.

Danny

I don't know. Baths? Isn't that like marinating in your own filth?

Mindy

Danny, come on. Cosmo says that taking a bath together is the #9 way to have a horny autumn. Don't you wanna have a horny autumn?

Danny

You gotta stop sending me all those nudies.

Mindy

Oh, I will never stop sending nudies. That's my First Amendment right!

Danny

What's this? Are all the men from your church still at the office?

No, this is an all-female living nativity.

Danny

Everybody?

Yeah!

Danny

The shepherds? The little drummer boy?....Are those the three wise women?

Yes.

Danny

OK, I gotta get outta here. This is basically witchcraft.

Mindy

Hey girls! I'm back! Did you miss me?

You were gone?

Beverly

Well of course she was gone! She was picking up her Nobel Peace Prize. Your head healed real nice.

Danny

She thinks you're Malala.