It's lovely to meet you, doc. You're a horse's ass, but you mean well.
S2 E2The Scarlet Letter
[Points to Dr. Steiner with a stick] And I can see what you're thinking right now.
SDr. Steiner
Uh, I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.
Ah, but right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to go to sometimes.
SDr. Steiner
I...I do not.
Shall I recap the case, sleepyhead?
Kristin Marley, Lady Senator's aide, rumored romance with the senator's husband.
Very good.
Oh, I trained myself to hear and take in information while asleep.
The others told you?
Yes, they did.
[Lying on the couch] Wow. There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like a basset hound.
[Dry] Someone call the media, it's a miracle.
You are taking over the McAdoo interview.
I'm totally ready for that. I can get him to confess to this.
Yeah. Maybe. Main thing is you keep him there long enough for us to search his car. Be friendly. He thinks he is a player. He'll live it up.
What do you mean, "be friendly"?
Need a map?
How did the Batson interview go?
Oh, that was very exciting.
[To Lisbon] What did he do?
Nothing that can't be repaired.
You have any plans for tonight?
Home. TV.
Well...have fun.
You too. [Leaves the room]
[to Rigsby] You're gonna die alone.
You abused a corpse to get a confession.
Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".
S2 E3Red Badge
I didn't see it. Of course.
What?
He's in love with you.
Don't be silly.
I know, hard to fathom, but... uh, there's no accounting for taste, is there?
[throws a bags of donuts at Jane] Hush.
Your finger print is on the magazine of the murder weapon. Tell me why I souldn't be throwing up in the bathroom right now?
It's a lab error. It must be. They're overworked and underfunded. This happened last year with the L.A.P.D. Just have them retest it. Come on! You don't think I did this?
What I think is, I'm up to my asterisk in political quicksand.
You know, for a cop, you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud.
Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess, I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once.
Look, I'm glad you got cleared.
I'm sorry that we couldn't let you in on the plan.
You could have, but you didn't.
[Lisbon is in therapy]
I didn't even pull the trigger on Tanner, Jane did. You signed off on him after one session.
He has good mental health.
Now I want to see your license to practice.
Why can't I remember?
It's interesting isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.
Hmm.
[Voice starting to break] Well, you know, th- thanks for trying. You probably have, uh, somewhere you need to go, right?
Well, I'm not gonna give up that easily.
[Crying] I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team?
Oh, Lisbon, hey.
Jane, I just need you to leave, okay? Could you please go.
All right. It's...it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, all right? I promise.
I've got six open cases. I'm testifying in two more. I don't have time...
CDr.Carmen
[interrupting] It's not as if you have anything to talk about. (Starts reading her file) Mom dead when you were 12. Three younger brothers. Abusive, alcoholic dad. Now dead also.
It doesn't say abusive.
CDr.Carmen
[looks at her for a few seconds] But he was. Yes.
This coffee tastes like crap. Seriously.
What if something bad happened and you're blocking it out?
I didn't kill McTeer.
Well, let me hypnotize you so we can be sure.
No.
Why not?
Because I don't want you inside my head.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Mentalist pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.