DRDenholm Reynholm
Standard nerds!
All S1
Characters
Roy TrennemanChris O'Dowd · 47 quotes
Maurice MossRichard Ayoade · 44 quotes
Jen BarberKatherine Parkinson · 41 quotes
Douglas ReynholmMatt Berry · 19 quotes
Most scenes together: Roy Trenneman & Maurice Moss (23), Roy Trenneman & Jen Barber (23), Maurice Moss & Jen Barber (16)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[picking up the phone] Hello, IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Uh... okay, well, the button on the side, is it glowing? Yeah, you need to turn it on... uh, the button turns it on... yeah, you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes.
[picking up the phone] Hello, IT...Yaha... Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?
No, no there you go, no there you go. I just heard it come on... no, no, that's the music you heard when it come on... no, that's the music you hear when... I'm sorry, are you from the past?
See the driver hooks a function by patching the system call table, so it's not safe to unload it unless another thread's about to jump in there and do its stuff, and you don't want to end up in the middle of invalid memory! [chuckle] Hello?
Oh really? Then why don't you come down and make me then. Huh, what you think I'm afraid of you? I'm not afraid of you. You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you! [slams down phone] I told her!
You had a job?
[coyly] Girl on 5th.
Did you hit it off?
Define 'hit it off'.
Did she continue talking to you after you'd fixed her computer?
No. And while I was working, she rested a cup on my back.
No!
Yep! (shows a cup mark on his back) I mean, they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them!
Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them.
It's like they're pally-wally with us when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed—
They just toss us away like yesterday's jam.
Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them! Actually, that doesn't work as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages. Hello IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Did you notice how she didn't even get excited when she saw this original ZX81?
Yeah, that was weird. It's almost as if she doesn't know anything about computers.
What?! (Drops mug)
What're you doing?!
Oh, don't worry. That's why I always make two cups of tea. (Picks up another mug) Anyway, what were we talking about?
Her not knowing anything about computers.
WHAT?! (drops mug)
Chairman Wow! You just defused that entire situation!
What situation? (Sees Roy on the floor) Oh, yeah that. Wow, does that happen often?
They're fairly regular, the beatings, yes. I'd say we're on a bi-weekly beating.
Oh, it's not that bad.
Come on, it's pretty bad.
TATV Advert Narrator
[Voicing an Emergency Services advert] Has this ever happened to you? [The old woman on the advert twists her ankle and falls down stairs, gets up and falls down second flight of stairs before picking up her phone and trying to dial 999] From today, dialing 999 won't get you the Emergency Services, and that's not the only thing that's changing! [upbeat music starts, followed by close-ups and shots of new emergency vehicles and team] Nicer ambulances, faster response times and better-looking drivers mean they're not just the Emergency Services, they're your Emergency Services. So, remember the new number! :[upbeat voice singing to jingle] 0118 999 881 999 119 725! [short pause] 3! That's [number is repeated in similar style whilst the old woman dials the number and waits]
OWOld Woman
Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble.
[watching the ad] Well that's easy to remember. [singing in a similar style to the advert] 0118 999 881 999 119 725! [short pause] 3.
[listening to Moss, speaking with his mouth full] I don't see how they couldn't just keep it as it was. How hard is it to remember 911?
You mean 999—
Yes, yes, I mean 999! Yeah, I know.
That's the American one, you berk!
[holding a fire extingusher that is on fire] I'll put this over here, with the rest, of the fire.
[dialing] 0115... no... 0118... no... 0118 999 [hums the rest of the numbers] 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello? [pauses for thought] I know... [sits down in front of the computer] Subject: Fire. "Dear SirMadam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of..." No, that's too formal. [repeatedly presses backspace] "Dear SirMadam. Fire! Exclamation mark. Fire! Exclamation mark. Help me! Exclamation mark. 123 Clarendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. All the best, Maurice Moss."
How do you know about this site?
Oh, I'm a member.
Really? You do the whole Lonely Hearts thing?
I'm a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing!
Shut up, do what I tell you, I'm not interested; these are just some of the things you'll be hearing if you answer this ad. I'm an idiot and I don't care about anyone but myself. P.S. No dogs!
That's good.
What's yours?
Mine doesn't look any good now.
Go on.
I'm going to murder you... You bloody woman!
Might want to play a bit hard to get.
[singing] We don't need no education.
Yes you do. You've just used a double negative.
You've got to help Roy! [Sees Richmond and points at him] Richmond's out of his room, he's not in his room, he's supposed to be in his room, why is he out of his room?
Well, he's going to come out and play with us for a while.
But, the rainforest, and...
What's wrong with you, Moss?
Roy's stuck underneath a lady's desk.
[laughs] What, still?
Look, I know that normally this would be very funny, but he's been under there too long for a reasonable explanation! If that woman looks down, she's going to assume he's a desk-rabbit!
What's a desk-rabbit?
I just made that up! But that's probably what they're gonna start to call people like Roy. But Roy's not a desk-rabbit, he's my best friend, and unless you do something, it's just going to be you, me, and Tim Burton over there! [he points at Richmond, who looks offended.]
If anyone was ever rude to me, I used to carry their food around in my trousers.
Oh my God! Before you brought it to their table?
[sarcastically] No, after! Of course, before! Why would I do it after?
While he was eating, did you hear anyone laughing? Like... in the kitchen area?
Yes! Yes I did, actually, yes I did.
That'd be trouser food!
[phone rings]
[picking up] Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?...have you tried sticking it up your arse? [hangs up] Ohh...yeah, yeah. I just realized that was my mother.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The IT Crowd pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.