(after witnessing his garden’s daffodils being destroyed by the other boys) What are you going to do next? Tag up my bedroom?! Piss through my letterbox?!
Can we?
No! Right! We’re going out again! Come on!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Okay, I’d assumed it was a given, but I’ll make this clear just in case: No one is to shit in my back garden!!!
(kicks the door into Mrs. Springett’s face) Fucking Mrs. Springett!
(to his parents) Brilliant(!) You’ve effectively ended my life. Why not go the whole hog and just shoot me? Or better still, why don’t you take me to the vets and have me secretly put down, just like you did with Patch?!
What is Swansea, is it an animal?
GGilbert
Teachers don’t start each day by swearing allegiance to the Education Fairies under a portrait of The Queen. It’s not so much a calling as a graveyard for the unlucky and the unambitious. Between you and me, the only reason anyone teaches these days is that they’ve taken a more relaxed stance on police checks in recent years.
They say the art of teaching is aiding discovery. And Mr. Gilbert had helped me discover that he was a wanker.
(about the dinner lady) That stupid ugly bitch just ruined it for me with Carli!!
Why, has she been controlling your personality for the last eighteen years?
I knocked out a cow in the countryside once, one punch to the face.
Hmmm, course you did.
But then its mate saw what was going on and I had to scarper from a whole group of them. Managed to get off the gate, but then they stood up on their hind legs and started firing milk at me from their tits!
Udders.
Yeah, there were loads of them!
What’s an itinerary?
It’s Will’s way of taking the fun out of everything.
(after discovering Jay has brought some condoms) We’re camping by a lake near a river. What are you hoping to pull, a fish or an owl?
Look, all those country birds love a bit of big city cock.
You're not from the big city!
Anywhere with a train station and a Morrison’s counts as a city to them!
(voiceover) So Simon’s shitty yellow Fiat was gone forever. On the bright side, at least Jay beat me at Monopoly.
(after reading his text from 'Saucy ASDA Karen') I got an STD! Yes, an STD! Whoo!
How was the trench?
I had to wipe my arse with leaves. And I think there were some ants in there, so I now literally have ants in my pants. And soil, and some earwigs. (boys laugh)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Inbetweeners pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.