What's happening? What's wrong?
I am wrong. I can't stop glitching. I don't know why. And it's getting worse. I fear this neighborhood is in danger of total collapse. So that's the main thing. How are you?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
They keep their Janets in a neutral pocket dimension beneath the shapeless time void. It's right next to Accounting.
Wait a second, Janet. What are you telling me? Are you saying that because you're glitching out the neighborhood is in danger of total collapse?
Fun fact: mathematically, it's equally likely to either im- or explode.
Okay, okay. So I suppose the next question should be; What's causing the problem?
Unclear. The glitches started out small, and then began to escalate, and then I came here looking for help, and then I started talking, and then you looked at me annoyed, like that, and now here we are.
That glitch appears to be limited to this building. So Vicky won't know.
That's the good news. The bad news is, I seem to be losing my ability to sustain object permanence. So it's sort of a glass half full, glass stops existing in time and space kind of deal.
Janets can't lie.
You lied to Vicky earlier.
Interesting. I guess I did. I suppose after 802 reboots, I must have gained the ability to lie. That's fun! I want to try to lie again... I love your outfit.
[reading manual] "In the event of continued malfunction, hold down Janet's nose, and insert paperclip into small hole behind left ear. Janet will rapidly collapse in on herself. When Janet is roughly the size of a marble, she can be launched into space through an inter-dimensional suction tube or eaten as a midday snack."
I'm very high in potassium. Like a banana!
Janet, uh, what's a food that people think they enjoy but that's also kind of a bummer?
Frozen yogurt.
Oh, yes! [laughs] Frozen yogurt. Oh, Janet, you're a genius.
Correct.
Eleanor told me that instead of being sad, I should go get it, girl. So I'm going to go get it, girl.
Get what?
Unclear. I'll get everything, just to be safe.
We are so in sync, we're finishing each other's...
Derek!
So, Chidi, just wanted to double check. How do ethical philosophers feel about murder?
It's frowned upon.
Okay. What if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That's okay, right?
Say "goodbye," Derek.
Ah, good-bob. I hope we same place again very now.
His brain is wrong.
It combines both classic aspects of British sport: whimsy and restraint. Oh, so restrained. I believe it was Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain who called croquet "barely a game."
I went to Lynyrd Skynyrd High School in Northeast Jacksonville, which was really just a bunch of tugboats tied together.
Didn't you get seasick?
No, sorry they were tied together in a junk yard. It wasn't a very good school. For most of my classes, we just sold dirty magazines door-to-door.
You know, Jason, every single detail about your life is deeply disturbing. And yet, I envy you. I was never allowed to goof off.
There is something called the Doctrine of Double Effect. In order to remain ethical, you can't just go into this with the intention of killing Derek. Your only goal has to be to spare Jason and Tahani from future pain by filling them in on Jason's past.
No, I got you, I got you. So, it's like ethically we should tell Jason that he used to be married to Janet, and it sure would be terrible if that ultimately led to Derek's death, wink.
No, the winking is bad. You should not be winking or saying the word "wink.
Jason I'd never guess we would be where we are today, me, a prominent British philanthropist with award-winning legs set to marry you, a swamp dweller who once asked me if the Presidents on Mount Rushmore have butts on the other side. We don't make any sense together, and yet, when I'm with you, I can really let my hair down, metaphorically speaking of course, because I'd never have it up in the first place. I'm not a factory worker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Good Place pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.