The Golden Girls · Season 4, Episode 15
“Valentine's Day” · Season 4, Episode 15
In this episode: Dorothy Zbornak (4), Rose Nylund (4), Blanche Devereaux (3)
[on the phone with Steve] I'm almost ready to... What do you mean? I spent all day getting ready! ... Oh, I could just scratch your eyes out! I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU DROP DEAD!!! [slams down phone; to girls] Well, I'm off, don't wait up...
Blanche, Steve called and canceled your date, didn't he?
[voice quavering] Yes!
How did you know that, Dorothy?
I'm clairvoyant, Rose.
You're so lucky. I get into a pool and I sink like a stone.
[to Dorothy, Blanche and Rose, who have entered the dining room at the nudist hotel naked, and are shocked to discover that everyone else in the restaurant is clothed] Excuse me, ladies, we always dress for dinner here. And in your case, we'd appreciate it if you'd do that for all three meals.
[in a flashback scene, chewing out Rose for booking them into a "clothing optional" resort for their Valentine's weekend getaway] Thanks a lot, Rose. Oh, this is a great Valentine's weekend, stuck in a hotel at a nudist camp for ten hours!
I'm sorry, Dorothy, it's all my fault. I misunderstood the brochure.
[reading from brochure] "Fun in the buff at a mountain retreat! Hike, swim and play volleyball while the sun beats down on your fanny!" Call David Horowitz; I mean, how can they get away with this misrepresentation!
[Dorothy, Rose and Blanche are in line at a pharmacy - flashback scene]
In this day in age it might be a good idea to take along some... protection.
What kind of protection?
Two armed Pinkerton guards. No, Blanche is talking about... [indicates a nearby counter]
A Nestle's Crunch?
One over.
An enema bag?
To the right.
Dentu-Grip?!
CONDOMS, ROSE! CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS!
Calm down, lady! You just get out of prison?
There's no reason to be embarrassed! Now these are discreet professionals. This is a private matter. Whatever we buy is nobody's business but our own! [picks up a package of condoms off the counter and hands it to the cashier] I'd like a package of these, please.
[grabs another package of condoms and hands it to the cashier] And I'll take these.
[looks around nervously, then tentatively grabs a random package of condoms off the counter and hands it to the cashier] ...and I'll take these.
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
[speaking into his microphone] JOE, I NEED A PRICE CHECK ON SOME CONDOMS! THESE THREE LADIES HERE WANT A COUPLE OF BOXES OF THE KING GEORGE PROPHYLACTICS.
THE LAMBSKINS OR THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE?
TWO OF THEM HAVE THE LAMBSKINS, AND THE BLONDE HAS THE ULTRA-SENSITIVE...IN BLACK.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
