[voiceover] As my universe was crumbling, my mom saw a world where she finally got a photo in the paper with her kids.
Yo, yo, yo, volunteers. Who's ready to get this homeless party started?
Mom, what are you doing here?
You're looking at the new regional captain for Hands Across America.
What happened to Coach Mellor?
He cracked under the pressure. But don't worry, Mama's here. I know how important this is for you.
Yeah, I'm out.
Me, too. Shut it down, people.
[They all groan]
Whoa, hold up. Now that I'm involved, you're just gonna bail?
Nothing personal. You just make fun things suck.
Well, that... That is a shame because this lady right here just got Scott Baio to ditch Philly and come to J-town.
Dude, we got Fonzie's cousin.
[They all cheer]
No, everyone stop. Mom, did you really get Scott Baio?
I literally just got off the phone with Scotty B. He told me to call him "Scotty B." And he agreed to come here and hold hands with me.
I call the one available hand.
No way! The hand is mine!
Okay, this is my future husband. Why do you care?
'Cause he's my future best bro. And once Scott meets me, he'll ditch Willie Aames and fly me to Hollywood so I never have to talk to you people again.
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