The Gentlemen quotes

We can’t just disobey orders from the patriarchy, Eddie.

That’s exactly what we’re gonna do. Besides, I don’t feel like sitting in prison saunas and talking about jungle drums anymore. It’s like working with bloody Mad King George.

Don’t knock the reign of George III. He built Buckingham Palace and figured out the rules to cricket.

Only because his advisors stepped in and made the decisions for him. When he was in charge, we lost America.

We can take it back if you like. Now, how would we locate the product?

Well, by asserting ourselves with precision.

When you say “asserting ourselves with precision”?

Yes, I happen to have a colleague I think might be perfect for the occasion.

Do you ever get nostalgic for your former life as a soldier?

Hm. There’s certainly something very seductive about a chain of command. But once you start taking responsibility for your own actions, it’s, uh, very hard to go back.

Do I detect a double meaning lurking beneath the surface there?

Well, there could be something lurking there if you want.

[approaches and Eddie lights cigar] Thank you for agreeing to meet. I know you’re serious people, and I am eager to resolve this situation to your satisfaction.

Before we can have any kind of conversation, you’re gonna need to give us our weed back.

It seems you have a labor problem. I took the opportunity to deal with this problem for you. Clearly, you’re struggling to find good people. I would like to offer you my services to provide you with a more efficient team of workers who I could guarantee would never have the temerity to steal from you.

Well, there is no deal to be had here, Victor. We’re done.

You seem to overestimate the strength of your position. Bobby Glass is a big man, but he’s been away a long time. I have some Albanian associates who are inside with him, and they say he’s a little crazy these days. Not crazy like a mad dog. The word for that in Albanian is tërbuar, which means... furious, dangerous, deranged. The word they use for him, çmendur, which means mad like a madman. A lunatic. Nobody fears a man who’s çmendur. They give him coins from their pockets. Crust of bread, maybe. You need us.

Well, sadly, we disagree. [drops cigar on ground and Andy wipes out Victor's men] Uh, uh, uh. The next round is trained on you. And he will not hesitate to blow a hole in your fucking brain if I give him the signal.

You seem to have mistaken the man for the symbol. Bobby Glass, the man, is flesh and blood, susceptible to the whims of human nature. But behind him, there’s an army. Many of those soldiers have never met him and probably never will, but their loyalty to him, to what he represents, is absolute. So you’re going to return our weed unless you wanna end up like your friends, in the dirt.

[shakes hands] Good work, Andy.

Impressive proficiency you’ve got with that thing.

Thanks. I’ll be in touch. You know where I live.

Mm.

Do all former Queen’s Dragoon Guards carry themselves with the same poise?

Well, sign of a good drill sergeant, Susan.

Expensive?

I happen to have a 17th century manor house I’ve recently acquired that needs a custodian. Andy needed new digs and a little direction, so it turned into a win-win.

Useful man to have around.

You never know when you might need him.

Apologies for the tardiness. I was waylaid at the farm.

Mm. Are the workers all happy and capitulated?

Happy enough now that the scourge of socialist agitation’s been eradicated.

Hm. What about our product? Managed to recover it?

Blanket picked up the barrels this morning. They are now buried under six feet of soil, where it can’t turn any more minds into oblivion.

Now, seeing as you’ve already gone against your father once already, would I be correct in assuming you’re gonna join me on the bill?

What makes you think I wasn’t simply moved by the desire to save the loss of innocent lives?

Well, I wouldn’t dream of suggesting otherwise.

Ah.

I think I know you pretty well now. I have a feeling you’ve already made up your mind.

Am I that easy to read?

You’re many things, Susan. Easy to read isn’t one of them. Same can’t be said of your father, unfortunately.

I know people think my father’s mad, but he’s not. A little eccentric, maybe, set in his ways, and maybe I haven’t always realized that sometimes he’s wrong, but he’s not mad. Saying that, he will be if he finds out.

Mm. The first thing he’ll know is when the bill goes through, by which time, it’ll be too late to stop it. Then you and I are gonna sit down with him and have a little chat, tell him how much fucking money he’s gonna make.

All right, then, Captain. If we’re gonna hijack democracy in the name of making a healthy profit, we should start rounding up some peers.

Yes, we should.

The House of Lords is one of the oldest institutions in the world. Some say it's an affront to modern democracy. Others that this group of steady-handed experts, unaffected by the vagaries of public opinion, are the only thing stopping the country from tipping over into the abyss.

Bobby Glass

I don't need a fսcking history lesson, Dickie. Cut to the chase.

Right, yes. The point of the matter is the bill to decriminalize mɑrіjսɑnɑ will be decided on Friday. If the Contents get it, the bill is passed, and you'll be able to buy an eighth of premium-grade wacky-tobaccy from any number of a thousand certified high-street outlets by the end of the year. If the Not-contents get it, the bill will be thrown back to the House of Commons, where it will slowly wither up and die, like a gamey old courtesan with the clap.

Once you take party loyalty into account, the House is split down the middle, which means whoever controls the non-affiliated hereditary peers effectively controls what happens to the bill.

And thanks to the delicate and nuanced work of the boys over the last couple of weeks, I'd say we're quietly confident.

Bobby Glass

Well, that's it, then, isn't it? Job done. This time next week, it'll be as dead as disco.

[at eating establishment] We need you to let the bill go through.

We've just told your father we'd block it.

Don't worry about him. You need to focus on how you're gonna persuade your compadres to pull a 180.

What are you talking about?

We know it's a big ask, but given the unique nature of our reciprocal relationship, we thought on this occasion you might be able to pull out all the stops.

Please don't think I'm not grateful for everything you've done for me.

Say no more. And rest assured, we haven't breathed a word of your little incident to anyone.

Not a word.

I'm not saying I won't do it, but... Oh dear. Let me explain. [positions condiment bottles on table] Um... You have your red sauce, brown sauce, salt and pepper, your mustard. Now, the Conservatives, they'll never support it. But Labour will. The Liberals are pretty much divided down the middle. And the lion's share of the hereditary peers will follow the money, but that still leaves possibly 20 votes short.

Well, who's the mustard in this analogy, Dickie?

In addition to the peers who make up the membership of the House of Lords, there are 26 Lords Spiritual. Now, together, they would form a block that could push us over the line. But there is a significant wrinkle that would need to be ironed out in the shape of the Bishop of Sussex.

What's the ish with the bish?

She's a staunch campaigner against the evil menace of nɑrcоtіcs. But there might be a route into her vestry, so to speak. There is a wayward son in the picture.

Mm. Well, you leave the bishop to us.

Do you know what Jesus said to the vendors when he cast them out of the temple? He said to them, "It is written." "My house shall be called a house of prayer..."

"And you shall make it a den of thieves." I couldn't agree more. You shouldn't hijack people's beliefs in the Almighty for one's own profit.

You're new.

Yes. I was voted in a couple of weeks ago.

Hereditary. Quite rare these days. Not as rare as bishops.

[chuckles] I wanted to talk to you about the upcoming bill.

I gather you're tight with Lord Hawthorne. I must say, you're very ambitious to champion a piece of legislation so early on in your career.

Well, I happen to believe that there are various social and economic benefits to legalizing mɑrіjսɑnɑ.

It's a gateway drսg, Your Grace. Have you been to the rehabilitation centers and met the people whose lives have been ruined?

Yes, I have. My brother happens to be in one right now.

Is that your motivation? The personal angle? Or is it just a narrative flourish you use to sweet-talk the support?

[chuckles] Well, you're certainly very cynical for one with such profound belief.

And you're very naive if you think you can persuade the Church of England to support decriminalization.

I'm merely here to see if there's a way you and I can help each other out. I wanted to talk to you about your son.

Sorry, what did you say?

Oscar. I heard he's got himself into a spot of bother.

[gets up] I think this meeting's run its course.

Let's not be too hasty. Just hear me out, please.

My son has got nothing to do with any of this.

I am aware of that, but I'm also aware that I need your help getting this bill through. And I think I can help him get out of his troubles. So please, tell me what happened.

My son is a very determined individual. He works in property. [sighs] Everything was going very well up until a few months ago. He got involved in a new development. He ended up borrowing money from some disreputable lenders to buy some obnoxious monstrosity out near Ascot. He contacted me three weeks ago, asking to borrow money to repay them. I gave him all I had, but then he called a week later asking for more. I said no. I'm very worried. I... I haven't seen him since. He isn't returning my calls.

Well, believe it or not, I've had some success in the past dealing with this sort of problem. Why don't you let me carry your burden, and, if I succeed, you can help carry mine?

[at gates of Oscar's residence] The bishop's convinced, if he doesn't come up with the money, he'll suffer the consequences. So we need to identify whoever holds the debt and see if there's a way we can relieve it. Then, if we deliver the son, she'll deliver the vote.

So the bish ish has turned into a mish?

It would appear so.

Can I help you?

We're looking for the gentleman who bought this place. Is he in?

Well, if I knew that, which I do, I wouldn't tell you. See, that's outside of my remit. This place here, that's my remit. Anything outside of this place isn't my, um...

Remit?

Yeah.

How about five grand to see him?

Give me ten, I'll take you to him. Come on in. [leading Eddie and Susie through corridor] Obviously, very much just a shell at the moment, but you can clearly see it's got a lot of potential. Smart kid, that Oscar. Got his nut on straight. Truth is, I've been managing this place since they first drew up the plans. Chief security officer, you know what I mean? So, uh, here's one for yah. Instead of a wage, I just took shares in this gaff. All right, here we are. This is us. Youse two got any idea how much a quarter of a percent of 200 million is?

Uh, yeah. £500,000.

That's your opinion. This is as far as I'll go. I can't cross this line. There's a conflict of interests. So, if you will, please.

[hands over cash] Of course.

[takes cash] Thank you.

[sees Eddie and Susie] Who the fսck are you?ǃ

Your mother sent us. She's very worried about you.

How the hell did you get in here?

Oscar, we're here to help you.

Although, uh, we might have a few questions.

[giving tour] I was offered this place for a hundred million. I know, right. 35,000 square foot set in 14 acres with its own private lake.

Who'd you borrow the money from?

Pat Gallagher. He's a, uh, super-rich Irish fight promoter looking to spread the risk of his investment.

Do we know Pat?

We do. He's a super-rich Irish cоcɑіnе dealer turned fight promoter. I don't doubt he was trying to wash his dirty money. How much do you owe him?

50 million. All I needed was another 20 for the refurb, but then he suddenly turns around, tells me he wants his money back with interest. No warning. I tell him, "I don't have that kind of money." "Not until I sell this place. I need a little time."

What do you think?

I think Oscar needs a pass from Pat Gallagher.

Do we have anything in the way of a backup plan?

No. Without that bird, we will be short 26 votes, our attempts to Shanghai the House of Lords will fail, and I'll be on the hook for 60 million to an Italian crime boss. There is no fսcking backup plan.

Do you need a sweetie? I think your blood sugar's running low.

Oh, I think I need more than that. I say we go to dinner.

I'm glad you came out tonight. Sometimes it's good to mix business with pleasure.

Well, I normally try to keep the two lanes separate.

[chuckles] And you were never tempted to make an exception for Eddie?

No, we work well together. That's very rare in this business. I'd never do anything to fսck that up. But I'll admit, he has his charms.

You make a good couple, you and Joe. You seem happier when you're with him. It's a good thing. Sometimes we all need to be happy.

Well, if you can't be happy, be merry.

[to Eddie, Susie and Bella appearing at his residence] Who are they?

They're here to help. This is the Contessa di Fabri.

Her grandfather was the greatest falconer in the whole of Italy, apparently.

Mind turning down the music a bit?

No, no. I think it's like a lullaby for the falcons, isn't it?

She's right. These birds, they love a bit of Italian opera.

Well, what you need to understand is falcons are incredibly romantic. When they mate, they mate for life. And this is how we're going to find your missing bird.

[leading Eddie and Susie through Peruvian cocaine refinement camp] This is where it happens. We got 15 of these farms in this valley alone. But that's not the special part. Let me show you where the magic happens. Come on. First, we take the leaves. You grind them into a paste. You take that paste and you strain it with a little bit of diesel. You're left with this shit. This dirty liquid. But then you add a bit of this. Magic ammonium. All you gotta do now is cook that down and you're left with a batch of super premium cоcɑіnе.

This is all very interesting, Hector, but we're here to speak to Vargas about moving powder. Not a chemistry lesson.

You're right, my bad, cabrón. [gestures] There you go. Let's go.

Joe Green. Great to finally meet you at last. And this must be Miss Glass. Susie. This is my associate, Arturo. Welcome. I feel it's been a long time coming in your case, Joey. Working for us down in Miami, is that right? Oh, yeah. Five years. Joe is the best. Reliable, dependable. Cool under pressure. ...take a bullet for this man. Oh, wow. That's, uh... That's good to know.

He's proved he can be trusted. Now he's got support from the UK, he's ready to take on a regular commitment.

What kind of commitment were you thinking of?

Two hundred kilos a month.

Hoo! Whoaǃ That's a big responsibilityǃ

That's why I didn't come here on my own.

Apart from providing the substantial amount of cash needed to get things started, I've also got access to a pre-existing network.

I've heard nothing but good things about your operation, Miss Glass. But cоcɑіnе is a different kind of mistress to Mary Jane.

I appreciate the disparities between the two products, but the logistics in terms of transportation and distribution are comparable.

Which means we can pay you 4,000 a key. I'm 100% confident that we can deliver this, Mr. Vargas. I've looked at it from every angle, and it is watertight. With Susie's infrastructure, her experience, her talent, her sheer fսcking professionalism, coupled with my knowledge of the game, there is no danger here. There is only a 24-carat opportunity.

I'll take a little time, perhaps a week or two, to think over your proposal, and we'll be in touch.

You were immense today. Totally fearless. My heart was pounding so much I could barely think. But you, you just... You just stared him straight in the eye.

Well, at the end of the day, Vargas is a businessman like anyone else. As long as he thinks we can be relied upon to make him money, there's nothing to be scared of.

Sure you wanna do this, Susie? If your dad found out, he'd kill us both. Well, maybe not you.

Oh, rest assured, Joseph. We'd both be in trouble.

How's the Duke doing? Dunno. Recovering, I hear. You haven't spoken to him?

I've tried calling. He won't answer. But what I hear is he has two broken legs, a broken arm, severe bruising, collapsed lung, and a half dozen broken fingers. All in all, he's had it pretty rough.

That's not why you're doing this, is it? To get back at your dad?

No, Jojo. I'm doing this because of your irresistible dimples, naughty sense of humor, and gigantic personality.

That's very flattering, but it's still not an answer. [taking her hand]

What you doing?

Come on.

No. I don't dance. You know that.

I'm not taking no for an answer, Susie Glass.

We have got a visitor, flown in all the way from South America.

[from walkway bridge in loft] Buenos días, Susanita.

Hector, you're a long way from home.

I wanted to tell you the good news in person. Mr. Vargas says yes.

So we're on?

You fսcking bet we're on.

[voiceover of montage] My father regaled me with stories about the perils of the chop game from an early age. For him, the gap between Class A and Class B drսg was a vast chasm that could never be crossed. His rationale was that cоcɑіnе dealers were like wild animals, capable of anything, and always hurtling towards their own inevitable destruction. However, that doesn't mean the distribution infrastructure he's built in the weed game over the last 20 years isn't perfectly suited to cоcɑіnе. An infrastructure we can take advantage of with the help of some old friends. [in a flashback scene] Chucky, Joe, meet JP and family.

How are we, lads? Beautiful place. Ready?

[toasting drinks] Slainte!

[voiceover of montage] Providing everyone involved acts with due discretion. The Duke's attempts to create a lucrative new revenue stream were always gonna come to my father's attention, meaning they were always dependent on his consent. A gift that he was ultimately unwilling to give. Whereas we're just piggybacking on his preexisting operation. So long as my father never finds out, he never needs to worry.

Chucky Kubra

[in a flashback scene] This is not how you clean cash, Suze. You go slowly. There's too much money coming through.

Uh, I think it's a problem we can deal with. Right, Suze?

Yeah. We'll get on to it straight away. [voiceover of montage] The truth is that what my father was presenting as wisdom was, in fact, masking a lack of ambition that, over time, turned him into an evergreen tree, under which nothing else could grow. As soon as you free yourself from that cautious and inward-looking mindset, the possibilities are limitless, and the only real problem you're faced with is what to do with all that money.