[about the Free Willy poster] It looks like the kid is punching the whale! Who the hell could punch a killer whale so hard it becomes airborne?! You don't fuck with that kid!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
"Cleared ACT Mission"? What kind of terminology is that? That's like saying "Cleared LEVEL Stage". This game is "DICK Cock".
ou know what? I've played worse. This at least qualifies as a game. But the problem was, it needed to be a masterpiece because it was a Sonic the Hedgehog game. And not just any Sonic game, but it was THE Sonic game for a new console and a new generation. This would be like if Zelda: Twilight Princess sucked. They even had the balls to call it Sonic the Hedgehog. Not Sonic Revival 3D or somethin' -- no, just plain Sonic the Hedgehog, as if, this is the only Sonic game you need to know. If you've never played one before... just start with this one! Everyone calls it Sonic '06, but I call it Sonic O-Fuckin' Piece of Shit! This is ANAL SAUCE! It's so BAD, it's a work of art! It's a fine, delicately-crafted sculpture of SHIT! And I'm impressed! You know, this is another one worthy of the collection. I don't mean THIS collection. I mean THE collection.
OH, THE ONLY PLANET THIS GAME CAME FROM IS URANUS! OH, THIS GAME IS A MADHOUSE! A MADHOUSE! OH, YOU DAMN DIRTY GAME DESIGNERS! YOU MANIACS! YOU FUCKED IT UP! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! Oh, that's it. I'm going back to Earth!
This one, called the 'Handy Boy' was released by... STD? STD?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD NAME THEIR GAME COMPANY "STD"?!
(on Game Boy accessories) But then, to top it off, the grand finale. I'm not even emotionally ready to tell you about this, so just sit back, here it is. The PediSedate. This thing was intended for hospitals, to help children relax when they're about to be put under for surgery or a medical procedure. Essentially, it's a pair of headphones that you plug into the Game Boy. You could probably plug it into any portable gaming console, but more importantly, it has a cup that goes over the child's mouth, and releases the sleep gas, or laughing gas, or whatever it is they need. So, it's the only gaming peripheral I know of that gasses you! Imagine being sedated while playing fuckin' Dr. Mario! What would that be like? Oh, my God! I was gonna make up a bunch of fake shit at the end, like the Game Boy Dog Turd Collector. But nothing I can make up can top this! And this thing was rea-I mean, it didn't get released, but it was invented and patented. The Game Boy must have been the most multi-purposed thing in existence! Astronauts actually took it into space! It could withstand bomb blasts, you could take photos, print, sew, find fish, get sedated! I wanna be sedated with a Game Boy!! I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAME BOOOY!!! BAM BAM BAMBAM BAMBAM BAM B-B- I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAAAME BOOOOOY!!!!!
It's a really smart idea to be wearing radioactive fucking SHOES!! Seriously...is Skooter that fucking RAD that he doesn't care about RAD-iation poisoning?
Trying to hit a guy here is like trying to hit a grain of sand with a tennis racket while Andre The Giant farts directly into your nostrils!
Wow. And how about the most annoying character select screen possible? I don't know who the fuck most of these guys are, and they have no names! Who are these people?? They just shout random slogans at me and move at about two frames per second. Whatever, I'll pick Ric Flair. And of course it controls like ass. The punches take almost a full-second delay! And seriously, why does everyone walk around like there's shit caked up their ass?! Fuck this piece of shit! I'm done! (Takes the game out of the Super Nintendo]
Let me tell you somethin', brother! This game is the worst there is, the worst there was, and the worst there ever will be! Woo! It's a limousine-fuckin', jet plane-suckin', diarrhea-drinkin', asshole-stinkin' Hell-on-Earth in a cartridge, and I'm gonna open up a whole can of whoop-ass on it! And that's the bottom line because the fuckin' Nerd said so!
Seriously, why couldn't they give all the WWF games to Capcom instead of giving six of them to one of the worst video game companies in existence? Oh, and did I mention the toy line? LJN made the toys, too, and those fucking sucked also! Ugh! What were they thinking? Man, if LJN stood for Laughing Joking Numbnuts, then WWF must have stood for... Wisecracking Wiener Fuckfarts. [Actually, Nerd, WWF stood for "World Wrestling Federation." Now it's WWE, which stands for "World Wrestling Entertainment."] (gets knocked down by SNES cartridge with a steel chair and the audience angrily boos while the cartridge celebrates as if giving the audience a middle finger, and saying "FUCK YOU!")
(after unsuccessfully trying to escape) The only way it'll let me go is if I show the game! (crying) I had to... I had no choice. I can't stand this anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry just... [cries] Just don't look. Don't look, turn the video off right now! Once you see it, it's in you forever.
(The camera pans to floor as the Nerd walks toward the Polybius console and looks up at the screen, which shows a 3D-looking square tunnel and then a Tempest-like screen with other shapes. The screen flashes shapes randomly before the YouTube Video Unavailable screen appears. The face suddenly changes into the Nerd's face before the screen cuts to static.)
TTTodd Tuckey
What's going on? Hello? ...Well, the camera's here. (picks up camera) Well, there's the game. (static interspersed with Todd screaming)
RRoboNerd
Dead or alive, these games fucking suck. And of course, they're based on a great movie. You know, RoboCop!
Seriously, the last thing I want to do after beating Sonic '06 is play more fuckin' Sonic '06! I'd rather rip every individual pube out of my scrotum with salad tongs than play this anymore!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Angry Video Game Nerd pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.