Extra! Extra! Paperboy goes mad! Here's some assifieds! Here you go daily douchebag! 10% off your next purchase of "FUCK YOU"! Cloudy with a chance of ass kicking! Dear Abby, make 'em eat shit! Crosswords, can you spell cunt? Horoscopes, you will achieve greatness - in HELL!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Aiming the newspaper into the mailbox is like trying to slingshot a dingleberry from a playground roundabout that’s situated on a moving parade float aiming into a bottle cap that’s tied by a string to a Himalayan snow-cock! While drunk! It would take somebody from NASA who knows how to calculate exactly when a certain asteroid is going to pass by a certain planet when it's lined up with a certain constellation during a certain moon phase. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to calculate my cat's shit comets that spreads across the carpet after wiping its ass on it before its anal glands have been evacuated.
Then there's a tire that randomly comes rolling out from behind the house. Who's back there rolling tires? Get a life.
The Grim Reaper is in town... That's a problem. Here read the Obituaries you piece of shit.
(belches) Yeah, that's how you critique it, you just say this sucks... yeah... uh... you know when you eat rump roast - are you like, eating a cow's butt? (burps) You know the word "this" is like "shit" spelled backwards? Or uh... maybe it isn't. Maybe I should like, uh... play another game, or something?
ONOther Nerd
These are the real Bad News Bears!
Streets of Rage 2.
KAKeith Apicary
Yes! That's my autobiography.
After that, you get this awkward driving stage where you rescue people.
VIVoice in game
[exclaims] Over here! All right!
[sarcastically] "Love" hearin' those voices over and over again.
VIVoice in game
Over here! All right! Over here! All right!
"Over here!" "All right!" "Over here!" "All right!" "Over here!" "All right!" "OVER HERE!!!" "ALL RIGHT!"
[Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie on Game Boy] Take a look at the Rangers. Which one's your favorite? (shows the Rangers on the Game Boy's monochrome screen) The Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, or Dark Green Ranger? Mine's the Dark Green Ranger.
This problem escalates when you get to the sand. Oh, God, the sand. Let me tell you about this. You have to punch and kick all this sand out of the way, and it's a race against time because there's a machine following close behind you. If it touches you, it's a one-hit death. You have to get rid of that sand as fast as humanly possible. You can't afford any wasted hits, which means you have to master the science behind this punch-kick phenomenon. The top square can only be taken out with the punch. The middle with a kick or a ducking punch. The bottom, only with a ducking kick. So not only do you have to know when it's going to be a punch or a kick, but you also have to know when to be standing or ducking. The only successful pattern I found is duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. I can't even do it without saying it out loud. Duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. Duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. Fuck-shit-shit, fuck-fuck-shit! Fuck-shit-shit, fuck-fuck-shit! FUCK-SHIT-SHIT, FUCK-FUCK-SHIT! (Ranger dies) FUUUUCK!!!
I mean, how bad could this po- it's gonna fuckin' suck, isn't it?
So far, this game has given me nothing but shit! The game is giving me shit!!! [The Sonic 06 box game is literally trying to give the Nerd a piece of shit] No! No! No!
[Talking about how the shopkeeper is only saying welcome] Especially him. The only word on the screen is "welcome", but his mouth is moving like crazy. What more could he possibly be saying?! [The Nerd appears on screen and mimics the shopkeeper] Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcomewelcomewelcome...
[Commenting on another NPC] Then there's this crack addict in an alley. [The Nerd mimics the NPC] Hey, hey, hey, did you see that, did you hear that? [starts babbling unintelligibly] Cra- Cra- crack, I need crack.
Did Tails just kill himself?!!
He did!!
[appearing on the game screen] He just couldn't take it... The game was that bad! (sighs and jumps into the water)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Angry Video Game Nerd pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.