Morticia Addams quotes from The Addams Family

Gomez

Well, I guess Wednesday is really gone.

Morticia

Someday, when she's slaving away in a tuna cannery, she may remember the life of ease she had in this lovely home.

Gomez

Ragged, penniless, her little fingers bleeding from the tuna cans, she may return and say she's sorry.

Morticia

And when that happens, we'll take her back. If we have room.

Wednesday

If they have room?

Gomez

Come, my dear. Let's go down and remove her pictures from the family album.

Morticia

Ah darling, you look so serene and happy when you're throwing knives.

Gomez

Family trait.

[explaining the reason for her surprise visit] It's Fred, my intended.

Morticia

He jilted you.

Well, I can't really say. He just took back his ring, sold his farm and joined the Foreign Legion.

Gomez

That is kind of indefinite.

Morticia

Mama is cooking up a real surprise.

Gomez

I am so hungry I could eat a wolf.

Morticia

Gomez, you guessed it!

Morticia

Look at Mr. Addams. He's always developing outside interests.

Gomez

Right now I have the most enviable collection of coroner reports in the neighborhood.

Gomez

We must not indulge fear. I remember my Cousin Blob, deathly afraid of ghosts.

Morticia

Ghosts?

Gomez

Now he's one himself.

Morticia

Ah yes... I hear him on dark, stormy nights.

Gomez

Oh darling, those strange sounds from the attic aren't Cousin Blob.

Morticia

No?

Gomez

They're Grandma Squint. You can tell from her superb cackle.

Morticia

Ah yes... like music to my ears.

Morticia

[Rocky is recovering after fainting] You had us frightened, young man.

Well, you got me a little frightened right now, but, eh, a couple of o' asperin and it's gonesville for you spooks.

Gomez

Spooks? [chuckles] Well now, there's no need for flattery.

Morticia

Thank you.

Morticia

Dear Mr. Hollister... We should send him something. I have it! Some of Mama's candied porcupine.

Gomez

Ah, the simple things are the best.

Gomez

We'll call a family conference. Maybe Uncle Fester can think of something. He has a good head on his shoulders.

Morticia

Too bad Cousin Slimy isn't around. He has two of them.

Gomez

Since gambling bets aren't enforceable by law...

Uncle Fester

Never mind about that, I'd shoot him in the back!

Morticia

Wouldn't that be rather drastic?

Gomez

For betrayal of trust? Violation of professional ethics? Shooting him in the back would be too good for him.

Uncle Fester

No, I think it'd be about right...

Morticia

[to Fester] Would you like to take the vulture for a little stroll? She seems to take to humans.

Gomez

Her favorite food.

Morticia

This is rather like being in the jungle again, isn't it, dear?

Gomez

You were wonderful to have on safari, Tish. No one could skin a hippopotamus like you could.

Morticia

Oh, darling, any housewife could do that. You were the remarkable one.

Gomez

Well...

Morticia

I'll never forget when that tiger broke cover. He charged our gun-bearer.

Gomez

Ah, yes. Dear Ali-Koshva.

Morticia

Quick as a wink and without a moment's hesitation you snapped your gun to your shoulder and fired.

Gomez

Bagged ourselves a wonderful gun-bearer.

We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.

Morticia

That's us again.

Lurch

Shall I bolt the windows and doors?

Gomez

Nonsense. It's probably another relative.

Where's Gomez?

Morticia

He's working on your release. Never lost a case, you know.

And never won one either. Perfect record!

Morticia

Dear Mama. I'm so glad we're home, really. If we leave her alone too long, she tends to brood.

Gomez

I don't know why. She has her lizards and her comfy nail-bed, and if things get dull she can always throw darts at Uncle Fester.