Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) quotes

Raphael

Look, Spike. Donnie got a new stick to break.

Don

With all due respect Sensei, I can't keep fighting alien technology with a six-foot staff. I was hoping to upgrade my weapon.

Splinter

Hm... a seven foot staff. Interesting.

Donnie

No, I meant using modern technology.

Splinter

Ah, a solar-powered staff.

Donnie

I'm serious, sensei.

Splinter

I know. And yes you may upgrade your weapon.

Donnie

That's totally unfair! You can't just--Did you just say yes?

Splinter

Ninjas have improved their arsenal for decades. We are masters of adaptation.

Donnie

[Watching April through the monitor] Look at her. She's so beautiful. On this monitor, she can't even tell I'm staring.

April

You do know that's not muted, right?

Ahh! Of course. I mean, if it was muted, you couldn't hear me joking. [Smacks his head and presses a button on the controls. Metalhead's megaphone activates] Man, I hope she bought that.

April

That's the megaphone.

[With the megaphone] I know![Turns megaphone off] So, how do you think the fight's going?

Donnie

BOOYAKASHA!

Mikey

Sounds weird when he says it.

Raph

Sounds weird when YOU say it.

Mikey

Nice job, bro!

Leo

Way to go, Donnie.

Raph

Yeah, not bad, except for that part where you built the thing in the first place, and the part where it broke, and the part where it tried to kill us, and the part-

Donnie

[exasperated] Okay, I get it!

April

Careful, Donnie, that's a dangerous mutant!

Donatello

That makes two of us!

Splinter

April, it seems you have a rare gift - a sensitivity I have trained my entire life to develop. I would like to train you to be a kunoichi, a female ninja.

April

Wow. That's quite an honor. If I do this, does that mean I can kick everybody's butt?

Splinter

We do not believe in using our abilities that way.

April

Oh, sure. But I could, right?

Splinter

Yes. But it will the most difficult challenge you have ever faced. It will drain you physically, mentally and spiritually.

April

Can't be worse than high school.

Donatello

Are you saying turtles are slow?

Michelangelo

That's a hurtful stereotype.

Leonardo

Trust us, April, we are better keeping a low profile. We figured out people treat us better if they don't know we exist.

April

Sorry, I'm just so excited to finally get you out of the sewer for a change.

Raphael

What are you talking about? We go out all the time.

April

Yeah, but tonight you're gonna do something besides hitting people.

Raph

[disappointed] Aw...

Leo

Okay, he's strong, so speed and stealth are essential. Okay, everybody know the plan? [Raph and Donnie nod] Mikey?

Mikey

Yes.

Leo

Are you sure?

Mikey

Yes.

Leo

Tell me what it is.

Mikey

[thinks for a moment] Um, maybe we should go over it one more time?

April

Don't worry. You're going to love this noodle place I found.

Don

[nervous] And you're sure we'll be welcome?

April

Oh, yeah, Mr. Murakami doesn't care what you look like. In fact, he won't even know what you look like. He's blind.

Mikey

Awesome! [Raph slaps him] I mean, for us, obviously.

April

[acting] Here I am, walking around in the big city, all alone! Oh, I sure hope no crazy pigeon man sneaks up on me! That would be the last thing I'd want!

Donnie

What are you doing?

April

You wanted me to be bait, I'm bait!

Donnie

That's not how bait talks!

April

How do you know how bait talks?

Donnie

I know bait doesn't talk back!

Oooooooh!

Mikey

Oh, no, you didn't!

Shredder

Your skills are impressive. But they will not save you.

Donatello

Oh, man. You think that's the Shredder?

Raphael

Well, it's definitely a Shredder.

Shredder

There is undoubtedly a fascinating story as to how my old nemesis came to teach ninjitsu to four mutant turtles. Perhaps I will let one of you live long enough to tell it.

Leonardo

You're gonna have to catch us first! Mikey!?

Mikey

So long, sucker!

Splinter

You were all very lucky.

Raph

I think we define that word differently, Sensei.

Mikey

He was just so fast.

Donnie

It was like he was everywhere at once.

Leo

You were right about us being overconfident, Sensei. There's just some things we're not ready for.

Splinter

Perhaps, but that no longer matters. It is clear now that the Shredder is a problem that will not go away. So prepare yourselves, my sons, because as of this moment... we are at war.

Donatello

[Panting, turns to Master Splinter] Sensei, can we rest for a sec?

Splinter

Rest? Hm. The Shredder will not rest... until you are all dead!

Leonardo

What? Hey, what are you doing?!

Raphael

Oh sorry, it was Spike's idea. He said Space Heroes is too stupid for him.

Leonardo

That's saying something, considering he hangs out with you all day.

Raphael

Oh, nice going, Leo. You made him angry, so I'm gonna mop the floor with your face!

Leonardo

Alright, Raph, cool off.

Michelangelo

I can help with that! [throws a water balloon at Raph's face, splashing him with water] Dr. Prankenstein strikes again!

Michelangelo

Dude, you should see your face right now. You look so mad!

Raphael

Okay, Spike, you'll like this show. It's called "Does Mikey Bend that Way?"! [chases Mikey as he screams] Come here, you!

Leonardo

Mikey! Throw the water balloon!

Michelangelo

Uh, what water balloon?

Leonardo

The one you were gonna hit me with!

Michelangelo

[looks at the water balloon behind his back] Dude, you are good. [Throws the water balloon, Leo and Mikey take cover, and the van explodes in seconds.]

Leonardo

Nice shot, M - [Gets hit by Mikey's water balloon.]

Michelangelo

Doctor Prankenstein for the win!

Leonardo

You had two? Where do you keep them?