Stiles quotes from Teen Wolf

Scott

Why should I apologize?

Stiles

Because you're the guy. It's, like, what we do.

Scott

[about Lydia] She's completely ignored Stiles the past ten years!

Stiles

[affronted] I prefer to think of it as me not having been on her radar.

Scott

Maybe it's just early?

Stiles

Or, maybe nobody's coming because Lydia's turned into the town whack-job.

Matt

Well, Derek, not everyone is lucky enough to be a big, bad werewolf. Oh, yeah that's right, I learned a few things lately. Werewolves, hunters, kanimas-- it's like a freaking Halloween party every full moon. Except for you, Stiles-- what do you turn into?

Stiles

[sarcastically] Abominable snowman. But it's more like a winter-time thing. You know, seasonal.

Derek

I can move my toes.

Stiles

Dude, I can move my toes.

Stiles

I'm playing? On the field? With the team?

Yes, unless you'd rather play with yourself.

Stiles

I already did that today. Twice.

Scott

Can we drive? Now, please?

Stiles

No. It's a red light.

Lydia

...No. Prada bit me.

Stiles

[confused] Your dog?

Lydia

[sarcastically] No, my designer handbag. ...Yes, my dog.

Scott

The birds at school and the deer last night... just like the night I got trampled by the deer when I got bit by the Alpha. [Scott suddenly realizes what is happening] How many are there?

Derek

[sighs] A pack of them. An Alpha pack.

Stiles

[confused] All of them? How does that even work?

Derek

I hear there's some kind of leader. He's called Deucalion. We know they have Boyd and Erica. Peter, Isaac and I have been looking for them the last four months.

Do you know what I want for my birthday?

Stiles

[nervously] A bike?

To not be a seventeen-year-old virgin.

[talking about sex] Have you never done it before either?

Stiles

[embarrassed] Turned seventeen? Yeah, no, not yet, no.

Scott

They're trying to help.

Derek

[incredulously] These two? [He points to Lydia] This one, who used me to resurrect my psychotic uncle, thank you. [He points to Allison] And this one, who shot about thirty arrows into me and my pack.

Stiles

Okay, all right, now. Come on, no one died, alright? Look, there may have been some maiming, okay? A little mangling, but no death! That's what I call an important distinction.

Peter

Do I have to remind you what we're up against here? A pack of Alphas, all of them killers. And, if that's not enough to scare your testicles back into your stomach, try to remember that two of them combine to form one giant Alpha. I'm sure Erica and Boyd were sweet kids. They're going to be missed.

Stiles

[groans] Can someone kill him again, please?

Stiles

I can't take waiting around like this, you know? It's nerve wracking. My nerves are wracked, they're severely wracked. Wracked.

Peter

[annoyed] I could beat you unconscious and wake you when it's over?

Stiles

I just... I don't understand the bank, though, okay? What... like, why wouldn't they chain them up in some underground lair or something? They're an Alpha pack, right? So, shouldn't they have a lair?

Peter

They're werewolves, not Bond villains.

Stiles

Wait a sec, wait a sec-- maybe they're living there! You know? Like, maybe the bank vault reminds them of their little wolf dens!

Peter

Wolf dens?

Stiles

Yeah, wolf dens! Why, where do you live?

Peter

[sarcastically] In an underground network of caves hidden deep in the woods.

Stiles

[stunned] Whoa, really?

Peter

No, you idiot. I have an apartment downtown.