Stiles quotes from Teen Wolf

I want you to be honest with me. Absolutely and completely honest. [He pauses dramatically] Have you been time traveling?

Stiles

Hang on. WHAT?!

Because if time-traveling is real, ya know what? I'm done. I'm out! You're going to be driving me to Eichen House!

Scott

We found him like that!

[exasperated] Where?! Swimmin' in the fountain of youth?!

Stiles

No! We found him buried in a tomb of wolfsbane in an Aztec temple in Mexico... underneath a church in the middle of a town that was destroyed by an earthquake...

[pauses] You told me you were camping!

Stiles

Yeah, we were! ...In Mexico.

Scott

[about Derek] I shouldn't have done that. I lied my ass off.

Stiles

Hey, your ass is fine. You saved him a ton of unnecessary pain. We'll figure this out in a day or two, he goes back to being old Derek, everyone's happy... Except for Derek, who's never happy...

Peter

It was never... never about the triskelion. They took it. They took it while I was blind...

Stiles

Took what?

Peter

Bonds. Bearer bonds. And they took them all.

Stiles

Bearer bonds? Hold on, are you saying you got robbed?

Peter

This was a heist. Somebody planned this.

Lydia

How much did they take?

Peter

117...

Stiles

[shocked] Thousand?

Peter

...Million.

Stiles

Okay, how'd you get this good? Have you always been this good? Or, did it suddenly happen just once overnight? Have you ever been out in the middle of the woods during the night of a full--

Scott

[interrupts] Stiles--

Liam

Look, I learned from my step-father, all right? He made team captain when he was a sophomore. [He looks at Scott] Like you. And yeah... I guess I'm just that good.

Malia

I hate math. It's pointless.

Stiles

It's school! School is important, and math is essential.

Malia

[annoyed] To what?

Stiles

[winks] Knowing how much to tip at restaurants.

Lydia

[rolls her eyes in annoyance] And other less important things, like medicine, economics, engineering...

Stiles

[to Malia] Tipping!

Scott

Whoa, whoa, we've got Econ. in five minutes.

Stiles

All right, did you forget the part about the family-murdering axe-murderer?

Scott

Did you forget that your dad's the sheriff? They'd want us to stay out of it.

Stiles

Are you guys kidding me? There's a family-murdering axe-murderer and we're not going to do anything about it?

Kira

Maybe we should let the adults handle it?

Stiles

So, the two of you, you just want to stay here at school, go to class? [Kira and Scott nod, looking guilty] I've never heard anything so irresponsible in my life.

Stiles

[about Liam] He isn't human. What is he? Like a werecheetah? Does that even exist? Is that a thing?

Scott

I think he's just good.

Stiles

[pants] I'm gonna puke. Take me somewhere.

Stiles

Dude, what is going on with you?

Scott

I don't know, I'm having a really off day.

Stiles

"Off day?" You were dying out there! I feel actual physical pain watching you!

Scott

It's cheating.

Stiles

I know it is. I just-- I hate seeing this little freshman come in and steal all your glory after you worked your tushie off! I hate it!

Stiles

Hey, I don't need to say that wasn't your fault, right?

Scott

[sad] I don't know.

Stiles

Scott, if you had use any wolf power, that kid wouldn't be limping, he'd be crawling... back to the other half of his body.

Scott

If I hadn't been so worried about being captain, he wouldn't be hurt either.

Stiles

It's okay to want something for yourself once in a while. Team captain, alpha werewolf... you're still only human.

Stiles

So, you bit him.

Scott

...Yeah...

Stiles

And you kidnapped him.

Scott

...Yeah...

Stiles

And you brought him here.

Scott

I panicked!

Stiles

Yup. [He nods] This isn't going to end with us burying the pieces of his body out in the desert, is it? [Liam starts whimpering in fear in the bathroom] As a reminder, this is why I always come up with the plans. Your plans suck.

Stiles

Okay, Liam. Now, you've seen a lot of confusing things tonight. And, more confusing things are going to happen because of the confusing things that happened tonight. Do you understand?

Liam

[angrily] Not really.

Stiles

Good, that's good.

Scott

I don't understand, either.

Stiles

...Maybe you should tell him.

Scott

We need to talk.

Liam

No, you need to back the hell up, okay? Both of you.

Scott

Can you just listen for one second? Please? [Liam gives him a look] Liam... we're brothers now.

Liam

[confused] What?

Stiles

[horrified] Oh, God, that's--

Liam

What are you talking about? We just met, and you bit me.

Scott

[anxious] The bite... the bite is a gift.

Stiles

[embarrassed] Scott, stop. Please, stop.

Stiles

You! You. We're trying to help you, you little runt!

Liam

[side-eyes him] By kidnapping me?

Stiles

...Just to clarify, Scott kidnapped you, okay? I... aided, and abetted.

Scott

We're going to use the boathouse for Liam. It's got support beams, we can chain him to one of them.

Kira

But how do we get him out to the lake house if he doesn't trust us?

Stiles

I say if it keeps him from murdering someone, we chloroform the little bastard and throw him in the lake.

Malia

[raises hand] I'm in!