Let's get one thing clear: I'm not Charlie Brown, you're not Lucy, and that's not a football.
Let's get two things clear. I don't remember ever placing a call to Zoe, but her message said she was calling back.
I called her. For business.
What kind of business? A merger?
Okay, what are you, twelve years old?
I'm not the one robbing the cradle here!
I'm not robbing anything. Zoe and I are the same age.
So you admit it. You called to ask her on a date. Behind my back.
It wasn't behind your back, you'd gone home already.
Because you waited for me to go home.
Like I said, it was behind your back.
Wow, yeah, that is a tattoo.
Yeah. A manatee. The slow, gentle cow of the sea.
Uh uh no, it's a shark actually.
Totally. No, yes that is- that's a shark. That is a big wide fat shark.
You. You moron. You can't even get your firing right.
I figured out what we can bring.
Panda, right here. That's my favorite piece of art.
Oh, I love it. Panda can come.
That was Grammy's favorite chair.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm telling you, Rachel, she used to sit in that chair every Sunday and drink her hot cup of Hershey's cocoa and tell me all about growing up on the mean streets of Philadelphia.
When you lie, try less details.
(speaking into dictaphone about Mike's lack of file in Harvard file room) Monday, 2:20 PM. This conundrum is burning a hole in my brain. Think. Logically. I mean, Sheila is professional and meticulous and wonderfully anal, and if she says that nothing gets misplaced in her inner sanctum then I believe her, which leaves the national security option. Is Mike Ross CIA? [scoffs] Please. There's a better chance that Esther's in the KGB. I mean, I can ask Sheila, if I'm no longer fond of my testicles, which- Wait a second. Missing testicles, missing file. It can't be missing if it doesn't exist. Holy shit. What if Mike Ross never went to Harvard at all? What if he just went to some crappy third-tier law school, like Fordham or Arizona State? 'Yeah, hey, bro. Yeah, no, I'll see you at the party. I'm not gonna study for the bar. Damn straight, that's right, bros before hos. Oh, yeah, you know-' All right, that's enough. He's been peeing directly into our pristine pool of eliteness. He's been- Oh, shoot, it's blinking out. Norma, really quickly, I need you to get a pack of rechargeable triple A- Shit, it's out. So I guess I'm just talking to myself.
What about a hedge fund guy? It's big money.
SScottie
I'm not going to land the president as my first client.
Fine, if you don't think you can.
SScottie
You're not going to manipulate me into trying to land Obama.
Well, it better be somebody like that, or Jessica won't give up on her early buy-in bullshit.
SScottie
What if I got myself a sports guy?
The very fact that you call it 'a sports guy' means it's a no.
SScottie
Harvey, just because I don't know sports doesn't mean I don't know you.
What are you talking about?
SScottie
If I'm going to change Jessica's mind, I can't just land someone, I have to land someone you couldn't.
There's no one I couldn't land.
SScottie
You think I don't know about Beijing?
That's his word against mine.
SScottie
Oh, well, um I guess we can clear that up right now, because look who just walked in.
[Michael Phelps enters restaurant]
You knew he was coming here tonight?
SScottie
You think I like Argentinean food? I just need you to stop him for a second.
I get it. You got the idea from Working Girl, when they crash the wedding to get to Trask Radio.
SScottie
Harvey, I'm not a 14-year-old girl. I don't get my ideas from movies.
[Laying in bed]
That's never happened to me before.
No it isn't. (lifts up blanket) Black Hawk Down.
SSheila
First of all, that's an amazing movie and you should be proud that you are associated with it. And second of all, I think I know what the problem is.
SSheila
It's about what happened in the file room.
Listen, Sheila, I can't tell you how that been weighing on my mind.
SSheila
No, I get it. Now that we've declared our love, you think of me as a good girl. And you need me to be bad.
SSheila
It happens all the time. We're in a relationship now, and you think that changes the nature of our sexual relationship. But I am here to assure you...I can be bad.
I know what you want to do - you want to lobby me on behalf of someone who had the audacity to-
We're moving in together, and we're starting a life together.
And I'm telling you this because I know what he did and I still love him.
Okay, here's the problem: I don't.
Hmm, who is it? Rachel? Something personal. Preferably, a picture from her father.
Jessica? Simple and elegant. Or wild and crazy, the choice is yours. Louis...ohhh. Doesn't matter, just get him anything, he'll cry for days.
There is no gift for Harvey. He gets what he wants and he doesn't want what he doesn't get. And my knowing that is the only gift he'll ever need from me.
Not so fast. I demand to see my client, and my client isn't Mike Ross, it's Harold Gunderson.
Louis Litt, Pearson Spector.
EEric
You're telling me that a man who works at the law firm he's accused of colluding with just happens to be his attorney?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
No. What's bullshit is you thinking it's up to you who gets to represent Harold Gunderson.
EEric
So if I walk in there right now and ask him who his attorney is, he's gonna say it's you?
Doesn't matter what he says. It's 4:07, and if you don't let me see my client, anything he says after this second will be inadmissible. And I will rain down Fourth Amendment claims on you for the rest of your goddamn life.
