Donna Paulsen quotes from Suits

Harvey

Donna. We're gonna need to streamline this. Give each guy a hard time before you send them back. Give me a wink if they say something clever. Cool?

Donna

Okay. What are you looking for?

Harvey

Another me.

Donna

Rick Sorkin. [Louder] Rick Sorkin.

Donna

[To Mike] Rick Sorkin? Excuse me, Mr. Sorkin, you are five minutes late, is there a reason why I should let you in?

Mike

Look-, look, I'm just trying to ditch the cops, okay? I don't-, I don't really care if you let me in or not.

Donna

Mr. Specter will be right with you.

Mike

What?

Harvey

Mike.

Mike

Hey. Who's ready for a great first day?

Harvey

I'm gonna have to let you go.

Mike

What?

Harvey

I just got reamed for lying to a client and if they find I out that I lied about you going to Harvard, they'll take away my license.

Donna

[Through intercom] You what?

Harvey

Not now, Donna! Look, I have to put my own interests above yours. It's nothing personal. You're fired.

Mike

Wait, so you're worried that if I stay, then they might find out that you lied about me and you'll lose your license, but if you fire me, then I could tell them that you lied about me and you'd definitely lose your license.

Harvey

Are you telling me that if I throw you under the bus, you're gonna drag me with you?

Mike

You put your interests above mine, I m-, I'm just putting mine back up next to yours.

Harvey

You're rehired.

You are so beautiful when you're forceful.

Donna

I know you meant that as a compliment, but I don’t appreciate limitations being placed on my beauty.

Donna

I'm not some token you win at a fair, Louis.

Louis

You're-. I know you're not. You're not a token.

Donna

I'm a human being and I-.

Louis

Yes, you are.

Donna

[fake sobs] I'm sorry, I just… You know that just made me feel really…cheap.

Louis

No, I'm just trying to tell you that you're really good at what you do, Donna. So I'm gonna ask you-.

Donna

It's like my soul…hurts now.

Louis

Noooo, Donna listen. Even if your soul hurts a little bit-.

Donna

[fake sobs and cries] I'm sorry.

Louis

It's okay. It's gonna be fine. Don't cry. Please don't cry, Donna. Oh shit. [flees]

Donna

I think I owe you one for that. That was fun.

Harvey

Wait a second…That time that…you cried and then I let your parents…stay in my condo?

Donna

Yup!

Donna

How’d the negotiation go? You come out on top?

Harvey

Why didn’t you tell me Scottie was opposing counsel?

Donna

I didn’t want you to have performance anxiety. About the case. She’s tough.

Harvey

You’re obvious.

Donna

And your fly is unzipped.

Harvey

No, it isn’t.

Donna

But it was earlier today.

Harvey

You can do better.

Donna

Ooh, is that what Scottie said?

Donna

Why would Louis betray the firm?

Mike

I don't know, maybe he's still upset that he got passed over for senior partner and he leaked the list before he jumped ship.

Donna

Mike, Louis is a lot of things, but he's not a traitor. That man bleeds Pearson Hardman. He's probably wearing Pearson Hardman underwear right now.

Mike

I went to the tennis club with him. Trust me, he doesn't wear underwear.

Jessica

I need to make sure every department is happy. I can't do that alone.

Harvey

Well, that's where I come in. Everybody loves me.

Donna

[from outside office] Not real estate.

Harvey

There was a thing once...with a guy. With a couple of guys. But anywhere else-

Donna

No, contracts thinks you're a dick. Their word, not mine.

Jessica

Why don't you join us?

Donna

Oh, thanks. Love to.

Jessica

Taxes?

Donna

Oh...no.

Jessica

Mergers?

Donna

Hate him.

Harvey

But I-

Donna

Didn't work.

Harvey

Really?

Donna

I am tied in, Harvey. There are a lot of underbelly things that I can tell you, but trust me, this is not one of them. Even Norma knows.

Jessica

What?

Donna

People just don't like that he's right all the time.

Harvey

You think I like it?

Jessica

What's his standing in bankruptcy?

Donna

Excellent. I think. We don't do a lot of work with bankruptcy.

Harvey

Remind me to fire you.

Jessica

Remind me to give you a raise.

Mike

Kevin, trusts and estates?

Donna

No, it's too meek. It's gotta be a woman. Who is it?

Harold

Harold. I need a stapler.

Donna

I was right.

Harvey

Let's get one thing clear: I'm not Charlie Brown, you're not Lucy, and that's not a football.

Donna

Let's get two things clear. I don't remember ever placing a call to Zoe, but her message said she was calling back.

Harvey

I called her. For business.

Donna

What kind of business? A merger?

Harvey

Okay, what are you, twelve years old?

Donna

I'm not the one robbing the cradle here!

Harvey

I'm not robbing anything. Zoe and I are the same age.

Donna

So you admit it. You called to ask her on a date. Behind my back.

Harvey

It wasn't behind your back, you'd gone home already.

Donna

Because you waited for me to go home.

Harvey

Like I said, it was behind your back.

Harvey

We have breakfast at Nougatine and an excursion to Hermès that may or may not involve a new handbag.

Donna

You've been needing a new handbag.

Harvey

You can never have too many handbags.

Donna

You're a woman after my own heart.

Mike

I need the perfect gift.

Donna

Hmm, who is it? Rachel? Something personal. Preferably, a picture from her father.

Mike

How could you possibly-

Donna

Jessica? Simple and elegant. Or wild and crazy, the choice is yours. Louis...ohhh. Doesn't matter, just get him anything, he'll cry for days.

Mike

What about Harvey?

Donna

There is no gift for Harvey. He gets what he wants and he doesn't want what he doesn't get. And my knowing that is the only gift he'll ever need from me.