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SEASON 1

Strangers with Candy · Season 1

Strangers with Candy Season 1 quotes

58 quotes · page 4 of 4

S1 E7Feather in the Storm

I've gotta run but as soon as you're ready to talk about your family problems with an art teacher you can call me.

[The class is making models of themselves using clay. Jerri's is cartoonishly fat and bulging.]

Jerri, is this how you imagine yourself?

No, I ran out of clay.

S1 E8To Be Young, Gifted and Blank

S1 E9Jerri is Only Skin Deep

You know, high school is a lot like the slammer. The food sucks, they tell you where to go and how to do it. And if someone tries to make you their bitch, you just stick them with a shiv in the showers.

[Jerri doesn't think she's pretty enough to be homecoming queen.]

OOrlando

In my country you'd be a real queen.

Yeah, well that's 'cause your country's run by monkeys.

[reading aloud from a note confiscated from Jerri] "My vagina is on fire. I'm trying not to scratch it, Orlando, I'm afraid it will get infected. P.S. I just know I'm going to win homecoming queen. That will show those sons of bitches, especially Noblet, that homo-" Jerri, see me after class.

Jerri, I know you want to be homecoming queen. We all want to be homecoming queen.

S1 E10The Trip Back

[Sara is holding a Mad Mothers Against Drugs meeting.]

You can't help a drug addict until they've hit rock bottom. And sometimes it's important to help the process along. You dig a hole in the yard and cover it with sticks and leaves, put glass in their slippers...

WWoman

Cut the brake cable in their car...

Exactly. Cut the brake cable in their car. The point is to help them hurt themselves.

In answer to the question, what was the Magna Carta, you wrote "Planet Zoot." And in response to the query, what was the capital of France during the Nazi occupation, you traced your hand.

Oh yeah, I drew a beak on my thumb there. Oh! It’s a turkey! It must've been the holidays.

It was yesterday, Jerri.

Look, all I'm saying is if you still wanna smoke pot then be prepared to spend a lot of time laughing with your friends.

[Jerri is standing in front of a water fountain, but Trish wants a drink.]

TTrish

Do you mind? I'm kinda dry.

Well I'm pretty wet.

[Jerri laughs at her own joke, but then puts a serious look on her face.]

Seriously.

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