Winston quotes from Still Game

Winston

[after Stevie the bookie takes his money] BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Winston

(posing as owner of The Clansman) I'll also be getting rid of ma stack o' hardcore porny books. I've read them all noo anyway, and I'm getting too auld for the chuggin'

Winston

[To the neds] I'll get my grandson, Joe, here on ye.

Ooooh.

Winston

He's a boxer.

Aye, I can tell that, taking all those boxes intae the shop.

Winston

His hands are classed as dangerous weapons.

Are your specs classified an' awe'? Ya specky auld bastard.

Winston

Hello, lads.

Jack

Hi, Winston.

Winston

And hello, ladies. I'm Winston.

Hello, Winston.

Jack

Are you still barred?

Winston

Aye. Here, which one of you two unlucky bastards is saddled with the munchkin?

Victor

Right, that's it!

Jack

Where are you going?

Victor

Home! I'm no' sitting in my local with that thing, Jack!

Jack

Oh, that's just perfect! You're going AWOL and leaving me with these two women?

Victor

I only saw one woman, Jack! I don't know what that other one is!

Winston

A munchkin, sure.

Jack

Shut up!

Here, you!

Winston

Who, me?

Aye, you! Auld yin!

Winston

What is it?

What you daein wi' that bush? Are you George Bush?

[laughs] George Bush! Ask him if he's Kate Bush, go on, ask him!

Shut up! Are you Kate Bush?

Winston

Aye, that's right(!)

Sing us a song, Kate Bush!

Boabby

I'm no' gonnae tell yous again. Keep it doon.

Winston

What's the matter with you?!

Boabby

You're annoying my customers.

Jack

Ah, shut up. We're your bloody customers and all!

Boabby

You're no' customers. Customers buy drink. Yous have been sitting there nursing them since yous came in here.

Victor

Cannae play cards steamin', Boaby, must remain focused.

Boabby

Oh, I'll focus you. Right oot the door.

Jack

Ah, now, Boaby, that's garbage patter. "Focus you oot the door"? You cannae just take a word, right, and slip it into a sentence and pass it off as excellent patter. You see, you've gotta be clever with it. For instance...

Victor

I don't know, something like "I'll focus my boot on your arse!"

Jack

See, that's good.

Winston

Aye. [gives Boaby the middle finger] "Focus on that, you old duffer!"

Jack

That is cruder but still as effective.

"Away and take a flyin' focus to yourself."

Nah.

Victor

Doesnae work, that, Eric.

Boabby

Look, I could lose my licence. You shouldnae be playing cairds in here.

Winston

Cards, Boaby, we're playing cards, no' 'cairds'. Cairds is what you play cards wi'.

Boabby

Just... keep it doon.

Boabby

[as Winston limps in] Oh dear, if it isnae Long John Silver!

Winston

If I was Long John Silver, you'd be first to walk the plank, you wank!