Kathryn Janeway: You can't just dump your kid on someone and expect him to learn something!
Q: (incredulous face) I can't?
And how exactly am I supposed to do that? Q was the first child in the continuum, which makes me the first parent. I don't even know where to begin.
You could start by spending time with him.
(Tom Paris runs The Doctor's program "Photons Be Free" and skips to the first chapter, the chapter opens in into sickbay where it has taken heavy damage)
[playing as an EMH] Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
EEnsign
Our doctor's dead--we got wounded! [Walks him over to two patients lying on the biobeds] They're both badly hurt. Who should we treat first?
Uhh... [begins scanning a patient with a tricorder] second-degree plasma burns. [walks over to another patient and begins scanning] He's got an aortic rupture. Get him to the surgical bay now! [the Ensign picks up the patient and walks him over to the surgical bay, a character who looks like Chakotay walks in carrying a wounded officer]
[To Tom Paris] You! Over here! [Tom Paris walks over to the injured character and gazes at him because the officer is based off of his own physical parameters]
Umm... nothing. [Begins scanning the officer] He's got a mild concussion. I'm going to have to treat the others first.
I need Lieutenant Marseille on the bridge. You'll treat him now.
As I understand it, my job is to treat the critical patients first. So if you'll excuse me... [Tom Paris walks over to the critically injured patient, but Chakotay raises a force field]
I don't know who you think you are, hologram, but to me you're just another piece of technology.
But apparently, I'm a piece of technology that's in demand, so why don't you go back to the bridge and let me do my job?! [Captain Janeway walks into sickbay]
Our medical hologram is refusing to treat Mr. Marseille. [Janeway walks over to Tom Paris]
I need my helmsman back to his station.
Lieutenant Marseille is not seriously hurt. This man will be dead in five minutes if I don't operate. [Janeway looks over to Chakotay]
Drop the force field. [Chakotay complies. Janeway walks over to the critically injured patient, pulls out a phaser, and kills him] That patient is dead. Now you're free to treat Lieutenant Marseille. [Tom Paris is shocked]
(B'Elanna Torres is trying The Doctor's program)
NNarrator
'Chapter 5: Out of the Frying Pan', in which our protagonist must confront abusive colleagues. [A female crewman walks into sickbay]
FCFemale Crewman
I'm here for my physical?
Why don't you have a seat? Over here. [Lieutenant Marseille comes in]
MMarseille
Doctor! You'd better get down to engineering! [B'Elanna Torres smiles at his mustache, but straightens her face]
MMarseille
A plasma conduit just exploded. At least 10 people are hurt. [B'Elanna Torres tried to leave sickbay, but she cannot leave because she is a hologram] Hey, genius! Forgetting something? [B'Elanna looks dumbfounded] Your mobile emitter?!
Oh, right! [Looks around sickbay] I don't see it. [Marseille points to a giant backpack behind her] THAT'S my mobile emitter? [Marseille picks up the extremely heavy backpack and puts it on her] Ugh, this thing must weigh 50 kilos!
MMarseille
You should be glad we let you out of your cage at all--now get going! [Scene changes to B'Elanna entering engineering, a character that looks like B'Elanna--named Torry--is observing the work of a crewman]
TTorry
[to the working crewman] I'm impressed.
TTorry
Absolutely! I haven't seen a dilithium matrix this far out of alignment since I served aboard a Ferengi garbage scowl. [Pushes crewman out of the way] I'll fix it, myself.
[To Torry] Hey, excuse me!
TTorry
How many times have I told you?! Engineering is off-limits to holograms!
Maybe you should waive that restriction during emergencies. [Torry looks confused] A plasma conduit exploded?
TTorry
Does it look like anyone here is covered with plasma burns?
Lieutenant Paris--uhh--Marseille told me there was an accident.
TTorry
Cognitive subroutines are malfunctioning again. I'm surprised a matrix as primitive as yours can function at all.
Maybe you should be nicer to your shipmates, you never know when you might need their help.
TTorry
[Pushes B'Elanna] Get one thing straight: you're not my shipmate. You're a tool--like this hyperspanner! And tools can be replaced! [Continues pushing B'Elanna ] So why don't you go back to sickbay before I start doing a little reprogramming?! [B'Elanna re-enters sickbay to find that the lights are off]
Computer, lights. [Discovers Marseille making out with the female crewman from the beginning on the surgical bed. The two get up and looked surprised at an unamused B'Elanna]
MMarseille
Didn't I tell you to go to engineering?
Oh, I get it. Interesting plot twist. You get me out of sickbay so you're free to give my patient a tonsillectomy.
MMarseille
[Walking towards B'Elanna] If you even think about mentioning this to my wife, I will purge your memory buffer. We understand each other? [Another female crewman walks into sickbay]
FCFemale Crewman #2
I'm here for my physical? [B'Elanna looks at a smiling Marseille]