LionelAw, man. I'm never gonna write the rest of this song. I really wish I could go. I can't write a song here. I can't do anything here. If I lived someplace nice and quiet, I could write a song. I could write a million songs. But, no. I have to live here with my pain-in-the-neck brother.
[As soon as Lionel sits down in his chair, the book opens. Lionel sees a picture of the Arctic circle in the book.]
Lionel
[astonished] Whoa! Look at that! Now that looks like a perfect place to write a song. No noise, no bothers, and no brothers. I wish I lived someplace like that.
[Right on cue, a swirling vortex opens in the book, and Lionel falls in.]
Lionel
WHOOOOAAAAA!
[Lionel pops out of a snowy hill, dressed in a parka. He has been teleported to the Arctic.]
Lionel
Where am I? STANLEY!!!
[Stanley is playing with his animal toys in his mom and dad's bedroom. He runs with a rhinoceros hand puppet.]
CHARGE! Look out! Rhino coming through!
[sees a rolling lion toy on the floor] Huh? Stanley! WATCH OUT!
[slips on the toy] Whoa, WHOA! Uh!
[As Stanley falls on the floor, he sends a box of small plastic red monkeys up to the ceiling, just as his dad walks in. He screams as he is covered with the monkeys.]
Stanley Griff, look at what a mess you made in this room.
No, daddy. That's my python. See? [hisses]
That's very nice, Stanley, but--[gasps] My hat!
That's the penguin's igloo!
Stanley, you know how much we love you, and we love how much you love animals.
But that doesn't mean we like it when you turn our room into a total zoo.
Stanley, I want you to clean up this mess right now, or...
[makes a confused goofy face] Or...
BBoth
No dessert tonight.
[Stanley's older brother, Lionel walks in.]
Lionel
Ooh! Guess who's gonna miss out on banana whammy!
[Lionel laughs mockingly at Stanley.]
Now, Stanley, you know what you have to do, right?
Finish playing "jungle safari"?
[Lionel laughs again.]
Okay, you have 'til dinnertime to herd these animals back to your room.
[A humpback whale jumps out of the Great Big Book of Everything and onto the roof of Stanley's house, causing the house to shake.]
Oh. That sounds like a big truck.
Lionel
[panics] Aah! The sky is falling!
[Stanley, Marci, Mimi, and Lester are making monkey noises in the yard, interrupting Lionel from writing his song.]
Lionel
Stanley, what in the world are you doing?!
Oh, hi, Lionel. We're playing "Follow the Monkey".
Lionel
"Follow the Monkey"?
Yeah! That's when you act like a monkey, and everyone else has to follow you around. Wanna play?
Lionel
Sorry, Stanley. I'm way too busy. [grumbles]
[Lionel tries writing his song in the kitchen, but is interrupted by the kids acting like chickens.]
Lionel
Stanley, what are you doing now?!
Playing "Follow the Chicken".
Lionel
"Follow the Chicken"?
Yeah. That's when you act like a chicken, and everyone follows you around. Wanna play?
Lionel
If I didn't want to play "Follow the Monkey", what makes you think I'd wanna play "Follow the Chicken"?
'Cuz in this game, you "bawk" like a chicken.
[Lionel leaves, grumbling.]
No, like this, Lionel! Bawk, bawk, bawk!
I guess he doesn't like chickens.
I know what I don't like. This jar.
It's not that bad, is it?
It's terrible! I miss my home!
Dennis really doesn't like being in this mayonnaise jar.
I know just what he needs.
What do I look like, a gherkin?
[Lionel tries writing his song in his bedroom, but is interrupted by the kids acting like elephants.]
Lionel
Stanley, what are you doing now?
Playing "Follow the Elephant".
Lionel
"Follow the Elephant"?
Lionel
Don't tell me. It's when you pretend you're an elephant and everyone follows you around.
Oh! You've played it before.
Lionel
No, I haven't played it before, and I don't wanna play now!
It's because you don't like elephants, right?
Lionel
No. It's because I was busy writing a really cool song, but I keep getting interrupted by monkeys, and chickens, and elephants following each other!
Uh, actually, the chickens don't follow the monkeys.
Sorry, Lionel, I didn't know.
Lionel
Well, now you do, so keep it down! [goes back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut]
[Stanley is knocking at the door of Lionel's bedroom, joined by Dennis and the kōkako bird.]
Lionel, I have a surprise for you. [no answer] Lionel, I'm here to help you with your song. [the door opens and Stanley peeks in] Lionel?
Oh, he doesn't seem to be in.
Look! There's the song he was working on. Let's surprise Lionel by finishing it for him.
I don't know if this is such a good idea, Stanley.
It's not a good idea. It's a great idea! And when it's all done, I'll bet Lionel will want to play with me!
[Stanley walks over to Lionel's bed. He sets Dennis and the bird down as he picks up the paper and pencil.]
Okay, little kōkako. You sing a song, and I'll write down the notes.
[The kōkako suddenly snatches Lionel's song from Stanley, and takes off.]
Well, I guess he didn't like it.
We have to catch him before he flies away!
No worries, there, Stanley. The kōkako isn't a very good flyer.
[The kōkako hurries out the door on foot.]
It is a very good runner, however.
[Stanley picks up Dennis and goes after the kōkako, but is stopped when Lionel shows up with a sandwich.]
Lionel
[angry] What are you doing in my room, Stanley?
[nervously] Um, I... Uh... I... Nice sandwich.
Lionel
Thanks. It's good brain food to help me finish my... song!
[Lionel has noticed his song wasn't on his bed.]
Lionel
[angry] Stanley, where's my song?
Lionel
The what-ako?
The kōkako. It's a musical bird that I brought over to help you write your song.
Lionel
[smug] Right...
Lionel
[annoyed] No. Not "write" as in, "put words on paper". "Right...", as in a sarcastic response meaning, "Hey, I don't really believe you!"
Lionel
[threateningly] Stanley. Get. My song.
[Lionel is looking for Stanley in his room. He opens his closet and looks in it.]
Lionel
There's no use in hiding, Stanley. Give me back my song.
[Stanley jumps out of the book with the torn half of Lionel's song. He approaches Lionel.]
[Lionel gets startled, and jumps in the closet.]
Lionel
AAAH!
Lionel
Where did you come from?
I was just getting your song back.
Lionel
Well, where is it?
[Stanley nervously presents the torn half of the song to Lionel.]
[Lionel grabs the half from Stanley. He is horrified.]
Lionel
My song! Where's the other half?!
I just wanted to help you.
Lionel
Why do you have to always mess everything up?!
It wasn't me! It was the bird-- The book-- The kōkako!
Lionel
[fed up] That's it.
[Lionel grabs Stanley's book.]
[Lionel heads to Stanley's door.]
Lionel
I've had enough of you, and your silly animals, and your silly book.
[Lionel leaves Stanley's room, and makes his way back to his room.]
Hey, come back with my book!
[Stanley chases after Lionel.]
Lionel
No way! I've got a lot of work to do, and I don't need you acting like an aardvark, or a guinea pig, or some goofy bird to mess it up! [slams the door shut]
Lionel, give me my book! [yelling furiously] I WANT MY BOOK!!! MOM!!! DAD!!!
Lionel
[after leaving the Great Big Book of Everything] There were walruses, and glaciers, and turtles, and jungles, and birds, and deserts... and your goldfish could talk! That was one extreme dream.
Lionel
You bet it wa-- What?! Hey, you talked! Whoa. Maybe it wasn't just a dream. Maybe it all really happened. Speak to me, dog! Speak!
Lionel
But... but... but... nah, couldn't be.
Stanley · 51 quotes
