Elsie quotes from Stanley

Boy, do you have a problem.

You can say that again.

Elsie

[walks in] Boy, do you have a problem. [shuts the door behind her]

Yeah, I know.

[Elsie yowls as Harry pushes the door open, and runs in.]

Hey, Stanley! Did ya hear? You have a problem!

[irritated yelling] ALRIGHT, ALREADY!!!

S1 Kangaroo Clean-Up

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Elsie

Oh, look at me! I was so cute and cuddly! And so playful. And so smart.

And so curious. Like the time you got stuck in the tree? Or the time you got stuck--

Elsie

Alright, enough pictures of me.

S1 Baby Pictures

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Elsie

Am I seeing things, or is Stanley changing colors?

I'm changing colors? I'm not trying to.

This is the part of changing colors I was talking about, Stanley. Chameleons often change color depending on how they feel, and they can't really control it.

I guess we turn brown when we're not feeling well?

I'm afraid so, Stanley.

Elsie

[pointing up] Look! He's changing again!

[Stanley, with a rather annoyed look on his face, changes his color from brown to blue-and-red stripes.]

That's pretty.

[concerned] It's not meant to be pretty, Harry. These bright stripes usually mean a chameleon is getting angry.

I am angry! [squeals angrily] I was thinking about Lionel and... "the dudes", and how I wouldn't be out here eating nasty bugs if I didn't wanna be like them. [he squeals again as he turns black]

Elsie

He's turning black!

[nervous] Ooh. That means he's really mad.

Why are you so mad, Stanley?

Because I was wrong about chameleons. [squeals] They can't just change colors to fit in whenever they want.

That's right, Stanley. Chameleons can't hide their feelings any more than you can hide who you are around the big boys.

[resigned] Great. [turns brown] I guess it won't do me any good to be a chameleon then.

Elsie

We're glad you can't be anybody but Stanley, Stanley.

[turns green as his mood brightens] Really?

Elsie

Who else would take us on crazy adventures?

And tell us about other animals?

And be our very best friend?

Well, then, I guess I just have to be... me.

S1 The Color of Stanley

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[calmly, about the Great Big Book of Everything song] This song of yours is utterly delightful. I adore hearing you sing it every time.

HEHarry and Elsie

[surprised and confused] You do?

[angrily] NOT!

Whoa. I was freaked out for a minute there.

Elsie

Me too.

S1 Searching for Spring

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[While Stanley is at the pet shop with his mother, Dennis is anxiously pacing about his bowl.]

Oh, my... Oh, dear... He's gone off to the pet shop again, hasn't he?

Elsie

Yes. I saw him drive away with his mother a few minutes ago.

And not just the pet shop, dude. I heard him say, "the pet fish shop".

Then there's no doubt about it! Stanley is shopping for a new best friend fish!

Elsie

Now, Dennis, there's no need to jump to any conclusions about this.

Jump to what? I didn't see Dennis jump.

Elsie

Jump to conclusions means to make up your mind up about something before you know all the facts.

[sadly looking in a mirror] I should have known this would happened someday. I guess I'm just not as gold as I used to be.

Elsie

Oh, Stanley would never replace you, Dennis. [jumps down onto the floor, and joins Harry on the bed] You're his favorite fish in the whole world.

That's exactly what I always thought. But the evidence is clear.

Evidence? What's that?

Evidence is something that helps you make a judgement about something. For instance, my fins, and gills, and the fact that I live in water are evidence I'm a fish.

But, Dennis, just because Stanley's been taking all his money to the pet shop, doesn't mean he's gonna buy a new fish.

Hmm, perhaps. But whenever I ask him why he keeps going to the pet shop, all he says it's a "big surprise". And what could be a bigger surprise than being replaced by another fish?!

A bicycle?

Now, really, Harry. What would a fish do with a bicycle? No, it's time I face it. Stanley wants a new best friend. Probably one of those little zebra fish or something. Fish with a little more pizazz than an average old run-of-the-mill goldfish like me. Huh. I can see it now.

[Dennis imagines Stanley talking to a more fancy-looking fish taking his place in his fishbowl.]

And then after dinner, I'll read some comic books to you. After that, we can tell jokes and draw pictures.

FFFancy fish

Why, thank you, Stanley! Oh, I know I'm just gonna love being your new best friend!

[Next to the fishbowl is Dennis in a glass of water, sad that he's been replaced.]

"New best friend", indeed. I gave that boy the best years of my life.

S1 A Boy's Best Friend Is His Fish

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[Stanley hears Harry howling and barking from inside the house. He runs out through the dog door, followed by Elsie. Harry yelps as he hits the bag of games, and crashes.]

[winces] Ooh!

[panting] Hey, man! I hope you guys didn't start your picnic without us!

Nope. We haven't started yet.

Elsie

Per-r-rfect. Wake us up when you're done, then.

[Harry and Elsie fall asleep.]

S2 Ant Picnic

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