Dennis quotes from Stanley

Coming!

MMark

Good morning, Animal Boy.

Morning, daddy. Is it okay if I get Dennis his breakfast first?

MMark

Sure thing! I think it's great the way you take care of that little fishy of yours.

Dennis

[irritated] "Little fishy"?! Did he say "little fishy"?!

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Now let's see. What would you like for breakfast today? Oatmeal, pancakes, poached eggs on toast?

Dennis

Very amusing, Stanley. Fish flakes will do quite nicely, as always.

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Of course, I can make my own breakfast. I made yours, didn't I?

Dennis

It was quite, quite delicious, and beautifully served, might I add.

All I need is cereal... [takes a cereal box from out of the cabinet] Yes! Animal Smackos! And then, of course, I need milk.

[Stanley gets the milk, and takes it and the cereal to the table.]

I pour the cereal into the bowl. [does so]

Dennis

Very nicely done!

Then I pour the milk into the bowl. [does so]

Dennis

[worried] Watch out, don't spill.

Didn't spill a drop!

Dennis

Bravo, Stanley!

And the only thing left to do is eat.

[Stanley grabs the mat his bowl of cereal is resting on, but he pulls too hard, sending the cereal bowl and Dennis' fishbowl off the table.]

Whoa, WHOA!

[Dennis screams as his fishbowl goes over the table, but Stanley manages to catch him in time. But the cereal has been spilled on the floor.]

Oh, no!

Dennis

A bit of a mess-up, I'm afraid.

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[watching the anteater] That tongue is so cool. I can't wait to see it lick up all the milk and cereal I spilled. [runs up to the anteater] Come on, Mr. Anteater. I gotta get you back home right now.

Dennis

But Stanley, wait! Wait!

[Stanley grabs Dennis, and he jumps out of the book with him and the anteater.]

What were you saying, Dennis?

Dennis

I was saying, "Wait, wait". Anteaters eat ants, you see.

Yes, I know that.

Dennis

They do not eat milk and cereal.

[The anteater sniffs the spilled milk and cereal, and leaves.]

Oh. Not even Animal Smackos?

Dennis

No, Stanley. You'd have to have spilled a bowl of ants to get this fella to help you clean up.

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[after escaping the crocodiles] That was close.

Dennis

We almost lost more than our baby teeth, didn't we?

S1 In a While, Crocodile

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Am I seeing things, or is Stanley changing colors?

I'm changing colors? I'm not trying to.

Dennis

This is the part of changing colors I was talking about, Stanley. Chameleons often change color depending on how they feel, and they can't really control it.

I guess we turn brown when we're not feeling well?

Dennis

I'm afraid so, Stanley.

[pointing up] Look! He's changing again!

[Stanley, with a rather annoyed look on his face, changes his color from brown to blue-and-red stripes.]

That's pretty.

Dennis

[concerned] It's not meant to be pretty, Harry. These bright stripes usually mean a chameleon is getting angry.

I am angry! [squeals angrily] I was thinking about Lionel and... "the dudes", and how I wouldn't be out here eating nasty bugs if I didn't wanna be like them. [he squeals again as he turns black]

He's turning black!

Dennis

[nervous] Ooh. That means he's really mad.

Why are you so mad, Stanley?

Because I was wrong about chameleons. [squeals] They can't just change colors to fit in whenever they want.

Dennis

That's right, Stanley. Chameleons can't hide their feelings any more than you can hide who you are around the big boys.

[resigned] Great. [turns brown] I guess it won't do me any good to be a chameleon then.

We're glad you can't be anybody but Stanley, Stanley.

[turns green as his mood brightens] Really?

Who else would take us on crazy adventures?

And tell us about other animals?

Dennis

And be our very best friend?

Well, then, I guess I just have to be... me.

S1 The Color of Stanley

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[On a late winter's day, Stanley takes Dennis outside.]

Dennis

It's awfully chilly out here, Stanley. What is it you wanted to show me?

[Stanley sees a giant pile of melted snow before him.]

OH, NO!

[Marci and Mimi come running.]

What's the matter, Stanley?

Look at Dennis' surprise!

MMMarci and Mimi

Uh-oh.

Dennis

Well, I must say, I am surprised, Stanley. And I'm sure you know how much I appreciate, um... big... snow... lumps.

But yesterday, it was a giant snow goldfish!

It looked just like you, Dennis!

Only bigger, of course.

[Stanley kicks the melted snow pile in frustration.]

I'm sorry, Dennis.

Dennis

No need to apologize. Snow tends to melt quite quickly in late winter.

Yeah, and turn to mucky, ucky slush!

It's no fun playing outside anymore.

You said it. It takes forever to put on a snowsuit.

And mittens.

And boots.

And this stupid cap. And then there's nothing to do except watch everything melt and get muddy.

I want it to be spring right now.

Yeah!

Me too.

Dennis

That would be lovely, of course. But I'm afraid it's not gonna happen overnight.

S1 Searching for Spring

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Dennis

[calmly, about the Great Big Book of Everything song] This song of yours is utterly delightful. I adore hearing you sing it every time.

HEHarry and Elsie

[surprised and confused] You do?

Dennis

[angrily] NOT!

Whoa. I was freaked out for a minute there.

Me too.

S1 Searching for Spring

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I'm gonna save all the endangered animals on Earth, Dennis!

Dennis

That's a rather large job, don't you think?

Not for me. I've got it all figured out. A lot of animals are losing their homes because people keep cutting down forests.

Dennis

That's certainly true.

So I'm gonna invite all the endangered animals to come live with us!

Dennis

Here? In your room?

Well, sort of. It'll be great. I'll open the Stanley Griff Animal Hotel, see?

[Stanley imagines refurbishing his house into a hotel for all the animals of the world.]

Don't worry, everybody! You'll be safe here! This way, alligators. How's it goin', sea lions? You're gonna love it here tigers.

Dennis

Excuse me! Stanley!

Not now, Dennis. I'm welcoming my guests.

Dennis

Yes, but it's about those guests for yours. I think you're making a big mistake.

[Stanley's fantasy ends.]

Mistake? How can helping endangered animals be a mistake?

Dennis

Well, you see, Stanley, there are lots and lots of endangered animals in the world.

I know! And I'll save 'em all!

Dennis

And I really wish you could. But the truth is, they don't all get along with each other. If you open the Stanley Griff Animal Hotel, you would have big problems, I'm afraid.

[Stanley returns to his fantasy, all the animals inside his hotel are fighting. A scared rooster flies out the window, crowing.]

Stop! Stop!

[All the animals flee from the hotel.]

S1 Save the Bluebird!

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[While Stanley is at the pet shop with his mother, Dennis is anxiously pacing about his bowl.]

Dennis

Oh, my... Oh, dear... He's gone off to the pet shop again, hasn't he?

Yes. I saw him drive away with his mother a few minutes ago.

And not just the pet shop, dude. I heard him say, "the pet fish shop".

Dennis

Then there's no doubt about it! Stanley is shopping for a new best friend fish!

Now, Dennis, there's no need to jump to any conclusions about this.

Jump to what? I didn't see Dennis jump.

Jump to conclusions means to make up your mind up about something before you know all the facts.

Dennis

[sadly looking in a mirror] I should have known this would happened someday. I guess I'm just not as gold as I used to be.

Oh, Stanley would never replace you, Dennis. [jumps down onto the floor, and joins Harry on the bed] You're his favorite fish in the whole world.

Dennis

That's exactly what I always thought. But the evidence is clear.

Evidence? What's that?

Dennis

Evidence is something that helps you make a judgement about something. For instance, my fins, and gills, and the fact that I live in water are evidence I'm a fish.

But, Dennis, just because Stanley's been taking all his money to the pet shop, doesn't mean he's gonna buy a new fish.

Dennis

Hmm, perhaps. But whenever I ask him why he keeps going to the pet shop, all he says it's a "big surprise". And what could be a bigger surprise than being replaced by another fish?!

A bicycle?

Dennis

Now, really, Harry. What would a fish do with a bicycle? No, it's time I face it. Stanley wants a new best friend. Probably one of those little zebra fish or something. Fish with a little more pizazz than an average old run-of-the-mill goldfish like me. Huh. I can see it now.

[Dennis imagines Stanley talking to a more fancy-looking fish taking his place in his fishbowl.]

And then after dinner, I'll read some comic books to you. After that, we can tell jokes and draw pictures.

FFFancy fish

Why, thank you, Stanley! Oh, I know I'm just gonna love being your new best friend!

[Next to the fishbowl is Dennis in a glass of water, sad that he's been replaced.]

Dennis

"New best friend", indeed. I gave that boy the best years of my life.

S1 A Boy's Best Friend Is His Fish

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[Stanley and his friends are getting ready for their picnic.]

Dennis

[holding a clipboard] Basket full of tasty treats?

Check.

Dennis

Mm-hm. A bag full of fun games?

Check.

Dennis

A big old comfy blanket?

Check.

Dennis

A group of friends eager for a day of fun and food?

KKids

Check!

Dennis

We have everything we need for our very own picnic.

S2 Ant Picnic

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This is so cool. I love eating outside.

Yeah! Outside tastes great!

First thing we need to do is set up. Here. Everybody take a corner of the blanket so we can lay it down.

[The kids each move a corner of the blanket, when Mimi sees the flowerbed on her side.]

No, Stanley! I wanna sit here!

[Mimi tugs on the blanket, pulling Stanley.]

Whoa!

Near the flowers!

No! I wanna sit by the swing!

[Marci pulls on her side of the blanket, tugging Stanley and Lester across the ground.]

Whoa!

No! Let's sit over here!

Dennis

[worried] Oh, be careful with the blanket.

[irritated; tugging on her side of the blanket] No, the grass is wet there! A wet blanket is no fun!

[Lester grunts as he tugs harder on his side of the blanket, until a corner of it tears. Lester is flung backwards]

Mimi! [looks at the torn corner of the blanket] A ripped blanket is no fun either.

S2 Ant Picnic

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[Stanley hears Harry howling and barking from inside the house. He runs out through the dog door, followed by Elsie. Harry yelps as he hits the bag of games, and crashes.]

Dennis

[winces] Ooh!

[panting] Hey, man! I hope you guys didn't start your picnic without us!

Nope. We haven't started yet.

Per-r-rfect. Wake us up when you're done, then.

[Harry and Elsie fall asleep.]

S2 Ant Picnic

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Come on, guys. We can't pull the blanket in different directions. We gotta work together.

[sets a corner of the blanket down] Nah. This is good enough. [sits down] Let's just eat.

Dennis

[fits a handkerchief around his neck] Well. Now what shall we eat?

[The kids all talk at once.]

Animal crisps!

I want tuna fish!

Peanut butter sandwiches!

Dennis

[annoyed] Come again?

I think I heard "sandwich" in there somewhere.

That was me! Let's eat peanut butter sandwiches!

I don't like peanut butter. I like tuna fish.

You know, I invented peanut butter sandwiches. It's kinda like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but you leave out the jelly. You're gonna love it.

[Stanley takes out the animal crisps as he stares at Lester with confusion.]

Can I have the other slice now, Marci?

Okay.

[However, Marci hands Lester the slice of bread with tuna fish on it, rather than a matching half of peanut butter. Lester slaps both halves of the sandwich together.]

There. A perfect peanut butter sandwich. Take a bite, Stanley.

Thanks, Lester. [takes a bite of the sandwich and reacts with shock and disgust] Yuck! There's tuna fish in here!

[confused] There is?

[also confused] Uh... Yeah. What do you think is in the tuna fish sandwich? Peanut butter?

Here, Stanley. Wash it down with some tea.

[Stanley takes a sip from the teacup, only to find out it's empty.]