Stanley quotes from Stanley

Stanley

Lionel, I need pictures of me when I was a baby.

Lionel

Yeah, I bet we have one or two... gazillion.

Stanley

That's the day I brought you home from the pet store.

Dennis

That was the best day of my life.

Stanley

I felt the same way. And when you winked at me, you cinched it.

Dennis

You're a great kid, Stanley.

Stanley

And you're a great fish, Dennis.

Stanley, you were a magnificent baby. You were very cute, very cuddly, and your favorite food was mashed corn. [a photo shows baby Stanley with a bowl of mashed corn on his head]

It was also your favorite hat.

Oh, I remember how much I loved to feed you, to bathe you, to rock you to sleep in my arms...

And boy, did you love animals, Stanley. As soon as you started crawling, you were always making friends with cats, dogs, fish, you name it.

And then when you started walking and talking, it was always, "Take me to the zoo, take me to the zoo!"

Now, look how much you've grown. You can ride a two-wheeler, you go to school, you can even read.

You're not my little baby anymore [hugs Stanley] You've grown into a wonderful child, who will someday be a wonderful grown-up.

Stanley

A... a grown-up?

Sure, Stanley. Before you know it, you and your brother will be all grown up and living on your own.

Stanley

I'm not sure I want to be a grown-up, Dennis. I sure don't want to move out of the house. I think I want to be a baby. As a matter of fact, I know I'd rather be a baby again.

Dennis

But Stanley, then you couldn't ride your scooter, and you couldn't go to school, and you couldn't play soccer with Mimi and Marci.

Stanley! Time for breakfast!

Stanley

Coming!

Good morning, Animal Boy.

Stanley

Morning, daddy. Is it okay if I get Dennis his breakfast first?

Sure thing! I think it's great the way you take care of that little fishy of yours.

Dennis

[irritated] "Little fishy"?! Did he say "little fishy"?!

Stanley

Now let's see. What would you like for breakfast today? Oatmeal, pancakes, poached eggs on toast?

Dennis

Very amusing, Stanley. Fish flakes will do quite nicely, as always.

Stanley

Of course, I can make my own breakfast. I made yours, didn't I?

Dennis

It was quite, quite delicious, and beautifully served, might I add.

Stanley

All I need is cereal... [takes a cereal box from out of the cabinet] Yes! Animal Smackos! And then, of course, I need milk.

Stanley

I pour the cereal into the bowl. [does so]

Dennis

Very nicely done!

Stanley

Then I pour the milk into the bowl. [does so]

Dennis

[worried] Watch out, don't spill.

Stanley

Didn't spill a drop!

Dennis

Bravo, Stanley!

Stanley

And the only thing left to do is eat.

Stanley

Whoa, WHOA!

Stanley

Oh, no!

Dennis

A bit of a mess-up, I'm afraid.

Stanley

[watching the anteater] That tongue is so cool. I can't wait to see it lick up all the milk and cereal I spilled. [runs up to the anteater] Come on, Mr. Anteater. I gotta get you back home right now.

Dennis

But Stanley, wait! Wait!

Stanley

What were you saying, Dennis?

Dennis

I was saying, "Wait, wait". Anteaters eat ants, you see.

Stanley

Yes, I know that.

Dennis

They do not eat milk and cereal.

Stanley

Oh. Not even Animal Smackos?

Dennis

No, Stanley. You'd have to have spilled a bowl of ants to get this fella to help you clean up.

Stanley

[after escaping the crocodiles] That was close.

Dennis

We almost lost more than our baby teeth, didn't we?

Elsie

Am I seeing things, or is Stanley changing colors?

Stanley

I'm changing colors? I'm not trying to.

Dennis

This is the part of changing colors I was talking about, Stanley. Chameleons often change color depending on how they feel, and they can't really control it.

Stanley

I guess we turn brown when we're not feeling well?

Dennis

I'm afraid so, Stanley.

Elsie

[pointing up] Look! He's changing again!

Harry

That's pretty.

Dennis

[concerned] It's not meant to be pretty, Harry. These bright stripes usually mean a chameleon is getting angry.

Stanley

I am angry! [squeals angrily] I was thinking about Lionel and... "the dudes", and how I wouldn't be out here eating nasty bugs if I didn't wanna be like them. [he squeals again as he turns black]

Elsie

He's turning black!

Dennis

[nervous] Ooh. That means he's really mad.

Harry

Why are you so mad, Stanley?

Stanley

Because I was wrong about chameleons. [squeals] They can't just change colors to fit in whenever they want.

Dennis

That's right, Stanley. Chameleons can't hide their feelings any more than you can hide who you are around the big boys.

Stanley

[resigned] Great. [turns brown] I guess it won't do me any good to be a chameleon then.

Elsie

We're glad you can't be anybody but Stanley, Stanley.

Stanley

[turns green as his mood brightens] Really?

Elsie

Who else would take us on crazy adventures?

Harry

And tell us about other animals?

Dennis

And be our very best friend?

Stanley

Well, then, I guess I just have to be... me.

Dennis

It's awfully chilly out here, Stanley. What is it you wanted to show me?

Stanley

OH, NO!

What's the matter, Stanley?

Stanley

Look at Dennis' surprise!

Uh-oh.

Dennis

Well, I must say, I am surprised, Stanley. And I'm sure you know how much I appreciate, um... big... snow... lumps.

Stanley

But yesterday, it was a giant snow goldfish!

It looked just like you, Dennis!

Only bigger, of course.

Stanley

I'm sorry, Dennis.

Dennis

No need to apologize. Snow tends to melt quite quickly in late winter.

Yeah, and turn to mucky, ucky slush!

It's no fun playing outside anymore.

Stanley

You said it. It takes forever to put on a snowsuit.

And mittens.

And boots.

Stanley

And this stupid cap. And then there's nothing to do except watch everything melt and get muddy.

I want it to be spring right now.

Stanley

Yeah!

Me too.

Dennis

That would be lovely, of course. But I'm afraid it's not gonna happen overnight.

Stanley

I'm gonna save all the endangered animals on Earth, Dennis!

Dennis

That's a rather large job, don't you think?

Stanley

Not for me. I've got it all figured out. A lot of animals are losing their homes because people keep cutting down forests.

Dennis

That's certainly true.

Stanley

So I'm gonna invite all the endangered animals to come live with us!

Dennis

Here? In your room?

Stanley

Well, sort of. It'll be great. I'll open the Stanley Griff Animal Hotel, see?

Stanley

Don't worry, everybody! You'll be safe here! This way, alligators. How's it goin', sea lions? You're gonna love it here tigers.

Dennis

Excuse me! Stanley!

Stanley

Not now, Dennis. I'm welcoming my guests.

Dennis

Yes, but it's about those guests for yours. I think you're making a big mistake.

Stanley

Mistake? How can helping endangered animals be a mistake?

Dennis

Well, you see, Stanley, there are lots and lots of endangered animals in the world.

Stanley

I know! And I'll save 'em all!

Dennis

And I really wish you could. But the truth is, they don't all get along with each other. If you open the Stanley Griff Animal Hotel, you would have big problems, I'm afraid.

Stanley

Stop! Stop!

Stanley

I don't get it. Why did Walter want to work alone? Does he not like us or something?

I don't think he likes anybody. Look!

Stanley

I don't know, Mimi. He likes wolves.

Yeah, but wolves are mean.

What if Walter likes wolves 'cause he's mean and scary, too?

Or what if he is a wolf?

Stanley

You mean like a werewolf?

Lester

A... werewolf?!

Stanley

Yeah. I've heard they're half human and half wolf.

Dennis

Oh, my... Oh, dear... He's gone off to the pet shop again, hasn't he?

Elsie

Yes. I saw him drive away with his mother a few minutes ago.

Harry

And not just the pet shop, dude. I heard him say, "the pet fish shop".

Dennis

Then there's no doubt about it! Stanley is shopping for a new best friend fish!

Elsie

Now, Dennis, there's no need to jump to any conclusions about this.

Harry

Jump to what? I didn't see Dennis jump.

Elsie

Jump to conclusions means to make up your mind up about something before you know all the facts.

Dennis

[sadly looking in a mirror] I should have known this would happened someday. I guess I'm just not as gold as I used to be.

Elsie

Oh, Stanley would never replace you, Dennis. [jumps down onto the floor, and joins Harry on the bed] You're his favorite fish in the whole world.

Dennis

That's exactly what I always thought. But the evidence is clear.

Harry

Evidence? What's that?

Dennis

Evidence is something that helps you make a judgement about something. For instance, my fins, and gills, and the fact that I live in water are evidence I'm a fish.

Harry

But, Dennis, just because Stanley's been taking all his money to the pet shop, doesn't mean he's gonna buy a new fish.

Dennis

Hmm, perhaps. But whenever I ask him why he keeps going to the pet shop, all he says it's a "big surprise". And what could be a bigger surprise than being replaced by another fish?!

Harry

A bicycle?

Dennis

Now, really, Harry. What would a fish do with a bicycle? No, it's time I face it. Stanley wants a new best friend. Probably one of those little zebra fish or something. Fish with a little more pizazz than an average old run-of-the-mill goldfish like me. Huh. I can see it now.

Stanley

And then after dinner, I'll read some comic books to you. After that, we can tell jokes and draw pictures.

Why, thank you, Stanley! Oh, I know I'm just gonna love being your new best friend!

Dennis

"New best friend", indeed. I gave that boy the best years of my life.

Dennis

[holding a clipboard] Basket full of tasty treats?

Stanley

Check.

Dennis

Mm-hm. A bag full of fun games?

Check.

Dennis

A big old comfy blanket?

Check.

Dennis

A group of friends eager for a day of fun and food?

Check!

Dennis

We have everything we need for our very own picnic.