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Sports Night quotes

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Sports Night
All S1 S2

S1 E15Dana and the Deep Blue Sea

"A neighborhood park all covered with cheese"?

I said cheese?

You said cheese.

Dana, did I say "park all covered with cheese"?

There's a consensus, yes.

What are you lookin' at?

I'm here for you, man.

Let me fix it when we come back.

Fix it when we get back.

Are we sure it's wrong? Are we sure the park isn't all covered with cheese?

It's covered with trees; now shut up.

I was just about to change my mind and recommend you.

Really?

No.

Dana, Casey's being mean to me.

Casey, be nice to Dan.

"Sophomore sensation credits her agility and quick first steps to her father, who used to take her to a neighborhood park all covered with cheese." Dana, we got all kinds of sentence construction here. I think he's gonna have to explain that it's the park that's covered with cheese and not the father.

This is an unforgiving room.

I gather it went well.

You know sometimes it's worth it, taking all the pies in the face. Sometimes you come through it feeling good.

Yes.

And how was your day?

Sometimes you just stand there, hip deep in pie.

S1 E16Sally

You're nineteen feet tall. Why are you wearing heels?

Are you feeling diminutive?

No, but now I have to go look up that word.

Number two, I'm Jewish. And her family is, you know, incredibly not. Which isn't by the way any sort of a problem for me but I do think it might be a problem for them. Because after all there are those who think I killed their Lord Jesus Christ. Not me directly, mind you. I didn't drive the getaway car or anything.

S1 E17How are Things in Glocca Morra?

Casey.

I'll tell you what the problem is here.

No provolone cheese?

No provolone.

You're saying you don't want to talk about it.

I'm saying I'd like, just once, for there to be provolone.

Is this one of those times when you say you don't want to talk about it, but you really do?

No, but it's shaping up to be one of those times when I say I don't want to talk about it but we end up talking about it anyway.

Hey Sally, you must've slept with this guy Fedrigotti. How long you think he can keep at this?

I was just thinking, it's been such a long time since Dan said something charming to me, and then there it was.

S1 E18The Sword of Orion

Did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

I do not know.

You don't know?

I do not.

Natalie, did Orlando Rojas pitch this afternoon?

That's a good question.

Thank you very much. Did he pitch this afternoon?

I do not know.

Thank God none of us works in sports.

S1 E19Eli's Coming

Listen, Isaac's gonna want to show us pictures from his vacation, so I'm gonna get a "welcome back" cake and we'll have a little party in his office tomorrow.

What kind of cake?

What kind of cake?

Yes.

I don't know, Casey, why do you ask?

I'm particular about cake. And I have to say, it's been my experience that men buy better cake than women. I've found that women tend to get these yogurt-frosted low-cal things laced with a rum and fruit concoction that make eating cake into something you do to be polite. So that's why I was asking what kind of cake you were planning on getting to celebrate Isaac returning from vacation.

Wow. I didn't know you felt so strongly about it. But now that I do, I guess the answer is "whatever cake I damn please."

Excellent.

You're damn right there's an economy of language. I got the job done in two words. And I think... I can make another cut! Yes. We don't need "back"! We can cut the "back".

Cut the "back"?

Yes.

And have it just say "Welcome"?

Yes.

"Welcome"?

Do you have a problem with that?

He'll think he just cleared Customs.

S1 E20Ordnance Tactics

Is there anyone who can say anything that will make us feel like the smart thing to do is to stay in this building right now?

In ten minutes, three and a half million people will tune in to watch the two of you on television. Many of them will be women.

Well, if you've got some calm people and you want to make them upset, I say we're the guys to do it!

S1 E21Ten Wickets

There are three things that I'm doing. I'm losing things, I'm forgetting things... and there's the third one.

There are countries other than ours.

Yes, there is, for instance, Belgium, to name but one.

S1 E22Napoleon's Battle Plan

Alyson, as you can see, Casey and I aren't wearing any pants, so I think in the interest of office professionalism you should avert your eyes.

AAlyson

Okay.

Either that or take off your pants.

AAlyson

I'll avert my eyes.

Suit yourself, but you should know I play squash three times a week and my calves have been called shapely.

Casey?

Yeah?

Who's been calling your calves shapely?

My mom.

Okay. Don't talk to me for the rest of the show.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sports Night pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.