SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 3
“Clams” · Season 3
In this episode: Squidward (4), Mr. Krabs (4), Abrasive SpongeBob (3)
I can't believe it, Mr. Krabs. Where are we going, Fancy Springs?
No.
Pamper Island?
Try again.
Oh, oh, oh! Bikini Bottom Folk Village?
Better than that.
Clam fishing? This is the reward we get for all our hard work? Fishing for stinky clams in a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon? You call this fun?
Oh, come on now, Squidward. Three fellas at sea with nothing but throw their lines in the water, catch a few clams, then throw them back. Don't you think that's fun?
No.
Hey, watch where you're swinging that... [SpongeBob casts Squidward's shirt out in the lagoon] SpongeBob, be careful with... [SpongeBob hooks Squidward’s nose]
[The camera cuts to an overhead view of the boat as a loud rip is heard and Squidward screams loudly in pain, then walks up to Mr. Krabs with his nose torn off.]
Okay, I've had enough.
[laughs] Oh, Squidward, you got to lighten up. [SpongeBob is still casting out items while Mr. Krabs talks to Squidward] Sure the lad's a bit overeager, but you've got to learn to roll with the punches, go with the flow. And don't bring anything on a boat that you ain't prepared to lose! [laughs. The hook in SpongeBob's fishing rod touches Mr. Krabs millionth dollar. Gasps] Me millionth dollar! [SpongeBob rips Mr. Krabs' pants off and casts his dollar to the lagoon] SpongeBob, wait! SpongeBob, you hooked me millionth dollar on the back swing! Reel it in before I keelhaul ya!
[Ominous orchestral music begins playing. Mr. Krabs' pupils shrink in shock]
Oh, no. SpongeBob, quick, reel it in! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor. Every sailor knows that means death. Hurry, SpongeBob! The music’s getting faster. [opens the door] There you are, you stinking bilge rats. [darts to the trumpeters] STOP PLAYING THAT MUSIC! [to the conductor] STOP IT PLEASE! [to the violinists] I'm begging you! Come on, honey, you can make it! Swim faster! Come to me, baby! Come on back! Hurry, SpongeBob!
Here she comes. [Mr. Krabs begs. SpongeBob reels the dollar in.] She made it!
[holds up the dollar and cheers] For a second or two, I thought she was a goner.
I trusted you. And you give me this?! I can't believe me old crew would betray me like this. [sobs]
No. Uh-uh. No. We will not be swayed by tears any more.
I see. Then, I guess I have no choice but to offer a reward.
You're kidding.
Whoo! Is it another fishing trip?
No, it's this sandwich.
Squidward, he has lost something near, and dearer at him, haven’t you-
Look again.
[Laughs as he plays jumprope with his eyes]
You’re right. How do we get out of here?
If we're real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat.
Okay. [he and Squidward take a step, but then start screaming as they sprint over to the lifeboat. They jump into it but then come back onto the boat tied up; Mr. Krabs pops his head out of the lifeboat]
[angrily] So, you thought you'd skip out on old Krabs, did ya? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you're thinking. "It's just a dumb old dollar. Let's just leave the old man. He won't notice." [sobs] Well, it's not going down like that. There's only one use for a backstabbing crew like you: [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs hanging his line over the boat. SpongeBob and Squidward are attached to the line] live bait.
You're crazy. If that clam didn't come before, what makes you think he'll come now?
[dressed up as a conductor] Ohh, he'll come. [taps the book using his baton and the doors open up to the live-action orchestra and begins to play the 4/4 string ostinato in D minor; SpongeBob and Squidward shake and scream in terror]
Mr. Krabs, listen, I work with SpongeBob all day long, so I know what I'm talking about when I say... [yells] you are completely out of your mind! [Mr. Krabs laughing maniacally while conducting the orchestra. The giant clam emerges above the lagoon coming closer to the two on the line; Squidward screams] Get us out of here!
Come on, fresh meat! [SpongeBob and Squidward scream as they try to wiggle back and forth to avoid the giant clam] Keep thrashing! He likes it! [both continue to scream and bounce up and down really fast] Come on, boy! Closer. Closer. Almost there. [a giant clam shows the dollar on its tongue] That's it! [closes the doors to cause the music to stop. The giant clam stops in mid-air and Mr. Krabs jumps inside it to take the dollar] Aha! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Look, boys, I finally got it! [rubs his dollar on himself] I finally got me millionth dollar!
[The cabin doors strangely open by themselves to play the ominous music again. The giant clam closes its mouth, with Mr. Krabs inside, and dives into the lagoon. The cabin doors close as the conductor takes a bow.]
Oh, poor Mr. Krabs. Gone forever out of our lives. [a tear falls down his cheek] Why couldn't it have been me?
Yes, why couldn't it have been you? [sobbing]
Why did he have to go like this, why? [crying]
Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot? [both sob loudly]
Hello, boys! [SpongeBob and Squidward stop sobbing]
Mr. Krabs? [Mr. Krabs' head is above the lagoon]
Have you boys met... [holds his millionth dollar up] ...me millionth dollar? [laughs]
Wow, how did you get it back?
It wasn't easy. Old Blue Lips is quite the fighter, so, eventually, we settled on a trade.
What did you give him? [Mr. Krabs jumps back up on the boat, revealing himself as only having a head and left arm]
Nothing important. [laughs. SpongeBob and Squidward look shocked]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
