“Sons a Witches” quotes from South Park

[comes down the stairs, goes to the fridge, gets out a gallon of fruit punch, and drinks straight from it, sighing with satisfaction; then turns and notices Sharon crossing her arms] Oh. Hey, didn't see you there.

Did you hear anything about what happened last night?

Uuuhhh, no, what happened?

Your buddy, Chip Duncan? [holds up her phone, showing last night's news] Apparently, he flew around on a broom, blew things up, and kidnapped some children?

Are you serious?!

You heard nothing about this?! He flew away vowing we'd all be dead by Halloween!

God, I knew that guy was a fuckin' chode.

Randy, what did you guys do at that party?

Nothin'. We were just hangin' out and talkin' and stuff, and then Chip got all weird.

People were hurt!

Yeah, I agree! It's awful! We're not like Chip, okay?! He's a bad witch!

You can't possibly be considering doing this again!

Why not?

Randy a real witch is flying around in the sky snatching children! I don't think this is the best time for you to be wearing a witch costume and partying.

Ugh. Gah! Just because of one bad witch, we're supposed to stop a tradition that goes back twenty-some-odd years?! Jesus!

Students and parents, I know that you are all concerned about the witch who is preying upon our town. And I wanna speak to you all about how to try and protect yourselves. But first, some gentlemen have asked to speak on what they perceive to be a "witch pursuit thing."