Tig Trager quotes from Sons of Anarchy

Tig Trager

[to Happy] You know why I like teaming up with you Hap? Because when we do, I'm the normal one.

Tig Trager

I gotta tell you something, man. I mean it could be bad.

Clay Morrow

It already is.

Tig Trager

Those two dead Mexicans in the warehouse hole - I was hitting 'em.

Clay Morrow

Jesus Christ. Both of them?

Tig Trager

Oh yeah. Kind of a taco "twofer" thing.

Clay Morrow

Tell me one of them doesn't have a belly full of Tigger juice?

Tig Trager

Afraid they both do.

Clay Morrow

[angrily] You did time, shithead. You're in the DNA database.

Tig Trager

Yeah, I know.

Clay Morrow

Forensics team gets ahold of those bodies...

Tig Trager

[interrupting Clay] I'll go pull 'em out of there.

Clay Morrow

Hale's gonna be watching that warehouse day and night.

Tig Trager

Well, maybe Trammel can sneak me in, you know? He's a county sheriff, he outranks the local P.D., right?

Clay Morrow

Oh, you're just gonna stroll outta there with two dead Mexi whores draped over your shoulders?

Tig Trager

I'll gut them dead bitches. I'll flush their bellies with bleach. No DNA.

Clay Morrow

[looking disturbed] What kinda nasty shit did your momma do to you?

Tig Trager

What do you mean?

Juice

I am not happy about being here either. At least you and I, you know-we can try to have a decent conversation.

Tig

What? What do you want? You want to bond? You want to get closer? Fine.

Juice

What are you doing?

Tig

I'm gonna dunk my balls in your mouth. You're gonna gag. I'm gonna laugh. We'll be best friends forever.

[about Gemma] Hey, I gotta admit. Clay's old lady gave me a serious MILF chubby. [notices Clay]…Hey, I brought the car out of the garage. It's clear now…so, uh…

Clay

Clip a truck from Unser's tonight. Make it look like you stole it. Cancer boy wants deniability.

Tig

MILF Chubby?

It's like a compliment, you know? Cause, she's hot.

Tig

I thought you said you drugged the meat?

Juice

I did.

Tig

Look at him, he's foamin' at the mouth.

Juice

That thing should be dead. I dosed it like two grams.

Tig

Grams of what?

Juice

Crank.

Tig

You fed crystal to a killer doberman, Are you retarded?

Juice

No.

Jax

Can you distract the doctors?

Tig

Yeah. No problem…Excuse me, ladies. How you doing? Uh, you're doctors, both of you?

Yeah.

Tig

[unzipping his pants] Oh, thank god. Um, a Doberman pinscher took a chunk of my ass.

Oh, god

Tig

Wait, can we just…

You need to go to the E.R.

Jax

Distract them. I said distract them, not scar them for life.

Tig

I'm serious. I think it's infected.

Tig

So you stole an ambulance?

Juice

I had nothing to do with this.

Hell, these things are worth, like, a hundred grand, easy.

Clay

Yeah, they are. That's why the people who buy 'em are, like, state and federal agencies. So, uh, what? You want me to sell a stolen vehicle to the government?

Oh, uh, just something like a small hospital or something.

Clay

Oh, like, uh, Uncle Freddy's Infirmary?

Tig

Why don't you just steal, like, a fire engine? And then we could have our own rescue center. We could have our own little uniforms and hats.

Jax

Kid gets out of the toaster today.

Tig

You get to hold your son?

Chibs

That's great, Jackie boy. Congrats.

Clay

At least we know one good thing's gonna happen today, huh?

Tig

You ever get high off of this?

Piney

It's just oxygen.

Tig

No, I know. I know. But can't you just turn it up and get, like, you know, the Blue Velvet kind of thing going on.

Piney

What the hell is wrong with him?

Bobby

The list is too long, my friend.

Jax

Opie's not a rat. He did 5 years for this club.

Tig

Maybe he doesn't want to do 25 more.

Clay

Thoughts?

Chibs

Everybody loves pussy.

Opie

I second that.

Juice

Third it.

Tig

I’m a very big fan of pussy.

Clay

All in favor? Like I gotta ask.

Pussy!

Clay

Looks like we're making movies.

Tig

Clay said your task is to be my bitch.

Bobby

Yeah, he did.

Tig

Then I got one request. You leave that piece of shit Fat Boy on the side of the road.

Jax

I arranged a meet at the P.C. infirmary. You gotta distract Dion, unlock the guard gate, and let in Russell's crew.

Juice

How do I get there?

Juice

[groaning] I think you cracked my rib.

Tig

I know, I'm sorry.

[about his prosthetic testicle] It's a little bit painful when I ride. Sometimes I feel it when I walk. Other than that, back to normal.

Tig

Is it gay that I want to see it?

Bobby

Gay curious.

Tig

Come on, drop 'em.

Bobby

Showtime.

Is it supposed to be that swollen?

Think so.

Tig

They look uneven.

Unser

I'm at the station when you need me.

Tig

You're the best... Chemo Sabe.

Unser

That ain't funny.

Tig

Yes, it is.