Clay Morrow quotes from Sons of Anarchy

Opie

Well I'd better get back to the fireworks or your mom's gonna be stuffing gun powder up my ass.

Jax

Ya, I'm sure we're all on the Gemma shit list by now.

Clay

I live on that shit list.

Clay

The hand on the dick thing. What's the deal?

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Sorry. I have this condition. I'm not even aware of it.

Clay

Condition?

CMD. Compulsive Masturbation Disorder. I couldn't get the right meds in Stockton so it's a little out of control right now.

Piney

You know, I used to have that. And then, uh, hell, I turned 13.

Clay

I step outside for five minutes, you can't watch him?

Piney

I was in the can.

I was getting him the soft toilet paper. He hates the scratchy kind.

Clay

Well I'm glad your ass is feeling loved.

Gemma

I love you.

Clay

That love's gonna kill me.

Clay

Hey, you all better be at that fundraiser tomorrow, unless you want a size nine high-heel boot up your ass.

Bobby

You coming?

Clay

I'd rather have my balls cut off.

Clay

What? What? Too soon for that joke?

Clay

[as Gemma is led into the police station] What the hell did you do?

Gemma

Same thing you did. Nailed some little tart from Nevada.

Clay

Like I don't have enough shit oozing out of my ears. You gotta go and do this.

Gemma

You should've thought of that before your dick went on a cheerleader hunt.

Clay

Hey! I didn't tell her to come here.

Gemma

But she's here!

Clay

Well, it's not my fault!

Gemma

And it's not my pussy!

Stahl

And that's why I'm single.

Gemma

What'd you tell Jax about the bodies?

Clay

Some of the truth.

Gemma

And Lowell?

Clay

A little more.

Gemma

The rest stays buried.

Clay

Yeah. And rest in peace.

Clay

I understand you declined Bobby's request for some comfort.

Yeah, I did. I'm not about that anymore.

Clay

If I was to ask for some comfort, would you be about that?

No, sorry, but your old lady would turn us both into chum.

Tig

So you stole an ambulance?

Juice

I had nothing to do with this.

Hell, these things are worth, like, a hundred grand, easy.

Clay

Yeah, they are. That's why the people who buy 'em are, like, state and federal agencies. So, uh, what? You want me to sell a stolen vehicle to the government?

Oh, uh, just something like a small hospital or something.

Clay

Oh, like, uh, Uncle Freddy's Infirmary?

Tig

Why don't you just steal, like, a fire engine? And then we could have our own rescue center. We could have our own little uniforms and hats.

Jax

Kid gets out of the toaster today.

Tig

You get to hold your son?

Chibs

That's great, Jackie boy. Congrats.

Clay

At least we know one good thing's gonna happen today, huh?

Unser

Someone went after Darby last night. They killed one of his guys, two women at his house in Charming.

Gemma

You think it was us?

Unser

I also found two dead Mayans in a ditch off 18 half a mile outside of town. Last time I looked at the scoreboard, Nords and Mayans were the away team.

Clay

Glad you're rooting for the home team, Chief.

Clay

[about Opie] What's going on with him?

Bobby

His heart's in it. His head's someplace else.

Clay

Too much of that shit going around lately.

Clay

You and I both love Opie. I don't want to believe this shit either. But we gotta prepare ourselves for a truth we may not like.

Jax

He'd never sell out the club.

Clay

And what if he did?

Jax

Then I'll kill him myself.

Clay

What you did to Opie and his family proves one thing; you're desperate, cause you got nothing on us. It kills you, doesn't it? To see me and my guys living good lives. Families, friends, nice homes. You hate the fact that we get the same rights and freedoms as you do.

Stahl

Gee, you make me so proud to be an American.

Clay

You're a fascist pig, and what Otto did to you is just the tip of the iceberg.

Clay

I know you're hurting. You think you're trying to help, but...

Piney

Don't you tell me what I'm thinking! You know, if this happened to your family, there'd be six charters halfway to Oakland.

Clay

This did happen to my family.

Piney

No it didn't! The Niners came gunning for my son. They killed my daughter-in-law. You got that, huh? You got that kind of hole in your family?