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SEASON 1

Solar Opposites · Season 1

Solar Opposites Season 1 quotes

68 quotes · page 4 of 5

S1 E15Unfinished Business

[An orientation crystal projects a video featuring a Shlorpian general]

SGShlorpian General

In these first moments of your mission, remember what is at stake. Shlorp is depending on your--

Ugh! Boring, boring, boring! [fast-forwards video]

SGShlorpian General

Yumyulack, protector and head of security. You ward off any threats to the mission. Strong and fierce, willing to die so the team can live.

Let's put "willing to die" down as a maybe.

SGShlorpian General

Jesse, the chronicler. Be observant. Record your adventures with clarity, both in triumph and defeat so future Shlorpians learn from your mistakes.

Whoa, I'm like the J. K. Rowling of this pack! Crucio!

[A subtitle reads "THIS EPISODE WAS WRITTEN IN 2009"]

SGShlorpian General

Terry, your job is most important. Because the Pupa will grow up to terraform your new planet, you must nurture him. For as the Pupa specialist, he is your responsibility--

[stops the video] Hold the fսck on! I'm supposed to be taking care of the Pupa?!

Korvo says that all the time, Terry!

Yeah, this isn't news.

I'm not ready to raise a Pupa! I-I'm still finding myself! I wanna go to Cabo, dammit!

Oh no! Terry's arms formed a rat king and they sided with Gladwell!

How did you gather that so fast?

Because I'm young and adulthood hasn't atrophied my imagination!

Damn, you look thicc, Pupa. What's the deal?

He gets all backed up with the stuff he eats off the ground. Terry's supposed to clean him out, but he hates doing it.

[In the background, Terry enters the room, then nervously crawls out on all fours]

Don't let him hear it's time, or he'll hide in the crawlspace under the house.

[The table jolts as a bump is heard]

[muffled] Ow!

We could do it! Decluttering stuff is a passion of mine, like pottery or Korean hentai.

Great, it's all yours. See if Terry's retainer is in there - his teeth are starting to look like Justin drew them himself.

Grab my hand, like they did in True Lies!

Why wouldn't you say "Like in Cliffhanger"?! You know I love that movie!

Yeah, but I don't! John Lithgow as the villain?! No thank you!

This is stupid! How are we still in the same goddamn line from last episode?!

Ah, this could take forever. That's part of why it's so great!

Have we moved at all?

Not me. But I try to limit my movements each day so I can save energy, in case I run into Tim Burton - so I can punch him in the face for plagiarizing my whole tone!

Are we really making one episode just go into another, as if we're some kind of acclaimed television program like 24?

KTKorvo and Terry

The Solar Opposites are going to Hululand!

It's not gonna be like that "Itchy & Scratchy Land" episode of The Simpsons, just to be clear right up front.

We'll see about that!

I'm glad Korvo paid for season passes, so we won't have to watch a bunch of ads as we walk through the park.

Well, except for some rides, which, due to previous rights issues, have to start and end with a commercial for Lexus.

I heard sometimes they try to sneak ads into the actual rides without telling people. Not that I'd mind with Lexus. [to the camera, while a Lexus poster is shown on their wall] Their vehicles are the peak of luxury and automotive excellence!

CCPS Officer

Terry is special, and he went to a school for special kids.

Okay, but I thought we couldn't call them "special" anymore because of Antifa.

Whoa - Principal Cooke has seen some darkness. Now I kinda like him.

Me too! All he ever wanted to do was play the trumpet, but his dad was a big fat piece of shit. Maybe we were meant to be here. Maybe today is about seeing people through their eyes and not how we perceive them. Maybe if we help Principal Cooke, we'll get out alive and with a better understanding of how a life not lived can crush a man's soul--

Okay, that is way too bleak for me. This isn't BoJack Horseman!

SSSylvester Stallone

You know, it's moments like this, moments of crisis, when you find out who you really are and where you belong.

Wow, Sylvester Stallone, I... never thought of it that way.

SSSylvester Stallone

I learned that from Dolly Parton on the set of Rhinestone, when a grip was choking on an egg roll. I froze up. But Dolly didn't. She saved that fat man's life. That was the moment I realized she was the star, and I was not... gonna get a look at those massive hooters.

[After hearing about how Team 4 died]

[grinning] Whoa, their sun went nova?! How do we make ours do that?!

You just have to find an isotope of--

DON'T TELL HIM! That's three dead teams in a row.

So?

Isn't that, like, totes random?

Space is fսcking dangerous.

[still grinning] Hell yeah, it is! Tell us about more dead teams!

But skip the backstories. I don't wanna get emotionally invested if they're all gonna get Mufasa-ed.

42 teams got eaten by T. rexes?!

What? They're one of the strongest dinosaurs.

That's almost half of us!

It's weird that they're carnivores and you're plants, so they're not even getting nutrition. They're just being dicks.

[After hearing about how Team 63 were eaten by a giant flightless bird]

Hey! A giant bird is basically a T. rex!

You're basically a little bitch.

They're always talking about "brunch". Brunch isn't real! It's either "bread" or "crunch", you can't have both. Pick a lane, idiots!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Solar Opposites pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.