Lois Lane quotes from Smallville

Jimmy

You know, speaking of the right person, since you don't have a plus-one tonight, I'd like you to meet one of my friends. Name's Clark Kent. You heard of him?

Lois

Better wear your bow and arrow, Cupid. That bumbling tadpole is not my Prince Charming.

Jimmy

Well, maybe you just need to jump his lily pad and plant one on him. Come on. I've seen the way you two look at each other.

Lois

[scoffs] You need to get your eyesight checked, Olsen. Clark doesn't like me. He likes... driving me crazy.

Jimmy

Flirtation 101, Lane. I mean, that's what a guy does when he's into a girl.

Lois

Really?

Jimmy

Trust me. Lois and Clark would be great together. I can feel it in my gut.

Lois

Well, take some Ex-Lax, get over it.

Lois

What guns you got in your arsenal?

Clark

(Sighs) I guess I might as well just throw it all out there. I can blast fire out of my eyes.

Lois

Okay...

Clark

I can hear a dog barking from ten miles away. I can see through solid objects and I can run faster than the speed of sound.

Lois

Wait. Rewind. (discreetly covers herself) Expand on your whole... see-through-things... thing.

Lois

Hey! One year closer to the sweet release of death!

Chloe

How wonderfully morbid.

Lois

Okay, obviously there's been some sort of mistake. It's not like I squeezed into 5" booted heels for my health.

Miss Lane, there's simply nothing I can do.

Lois

Actually, there is. You can tell Edward R. Murrow that he can kiss this cub reporter's sweet...

Chloe

Lois!

Lois

You just want to take over the world with some alien nation.

Tess

I am trying to save the world.

Lois

What's wrong with Greenpeace?

Clark

What are you doing here? (hears Lois's thoughts)

Lois

Standing in the shadow of six-and-a-half foot of handsome. No, Lois, he doesn't get off that easy. Kick his ass!

Lois

So... what was that about?

Oliver

Uh-oh. I've seen that look before, usually right before you sock me in the jaw.

Lois

Look, I appreciate you helping me audition, I'm still angry you didn't tell me how bad Oliver was doing, but you're here anyway, so please, don't make me wish you weren't.

Clark

It's okay, Lois. You don't need to get all worked up like you usually do.

Lois

Well, excuse me Mr. I'm-slow-and-steady-and-know-what's-best-for-everyone, this happens to be important to me. With newspapers on the endangered species list, news television is my one and only back-up plan.

Clark

Don't you think you can be a little less dramatic with this whole thing?

Lois

You could be a little more passionate with this whole thing. But not you, not mild-mannered Clark Kent. Do you even care if I get this job?

Clark

Of course I care, I bought a new tie.

Lois

Oh, well I bought a whole new outfit.

Clark

Yeah, you look great.

Lois

Don't do that.

Clark

Do what?

Lois

Don't you dare reassure me right now.

Clark

Lois, I'm only doing this for you. How else am I going to get that second date?

Lois

(Pauses) Well, you should have thought of that before you stood me up the first time.

Lois

(talking to the waiter) You got anything stronger?

Of course.

Clark

Last thing you need is a drink Lois.

Lois

Thanks Clark. You sound like my mother on prom night. How do I look?

Clark

If this were a prom, you'd be crowned queen. Your date's a lucky man.

Lois

Do I detect a note of jealousy in the notoriously nice Clark Kent? Be careful my date doesn't hear you. He might just have to take you down.

Clark

(chuckles) Like to see him try.

Lois

You know what they say: all's fair in love and war.

Clark

And what's it gonna be for us Lois? Love or war?

Lois

Clark, it sounds like you're asking me out on another date?

Clark

If I was, would you say yes?

Lois

I'll tell you what I'd say... (sees Oliver walking in) Oliver!

Clark

Lois?

Lois

Did you hear? The brilliant brass over at KZXP have decided to go with someone else for their morning show.

Clark

Lois?

Lois

After everything that happened, after Ollie and I almost got killed, guess who they've decided to go with? (She shows him a promo picture of Catherine Grant as the new correspondent.)

Lois

Apparently blondes test better with morning viewers.

Clark

Lois!

Lois

I'm sorry, I never should have tried out in the first place, or dragged you with me, and I just--

Lois

I thought, you know, the ride would give us a chance to get past the whole kiss-and-run of it all and get to know each other better.

Clark

Better? You tell me the color of your underwear every day. What else is there to know?

Zod

I'm General Zod. And all of this is mine to give if you give me the names of whoever snuck you into the restricted zone.

Lois

My Dad's a general, too. And he still couldn't get me to spill how I got an M1 Abrams tank to take me to the prom. So I'm definitely not telling you anything.

Lois

Clark, sorry I'm late. I was watching the monster truck jump finals, Grave Maker lost his drive train. He is never coming back.

Clark

It's okay Lois he's just a truck.

Lois

Aw Clark, come on that's like saying Tommy Lee's just a drummer. Sometimes I worry there is no poetry in you.

Clark

You just have to look a little deeper.

Clark

Quiet weekend at home, huh?

Chloe

Trust me, we had no idea the two of you would be there.

Lois

And we had no idea there was even a "you two", which I think is perfect. I think fate has brought us together.

Oliver

Well, it's a... it's... it's a little less fate, actually.

Chloe

(cuts in) More fame.

Oliver

(mumbles) Like fame.

Chloe

This inn is so far off the beaten bath that even the society pages couldn't find Star City's most eligible bachelor here.

Lois

You mean ex-bachelor.

Lois

Let's talk about Mr. Green, in the bedroom, with my cousin.

Oliver

And there it is.