Pete Ross quotes from Smallville

Pete Ross

In a world of designer water, Clark Kent is straight from the tap.

Chloe Sullivan

Pete, do you want to take a commercial break from the soap opera in your head? I've told you a hundred times; I'm not interested in Clark.

Pete Ross

Your vehement denial has been duly noted!

Chloe Sullivan

Clark Kent is a football player and Lana Lang is a waitress.

Pete Ross

What's the matter with that?

Chloe Sullivan

Nothing, I just want to click my heels and get back to reality.

Clark Kent

It's Tina's mom.

Pete Ross

Damn. How'd you know she was in there?

Clark Kent

Because I can see right through the door, Pete.

Pete Ross

Very funny, Sherlock. How do you think she died?

Clark Kent

Broken neck... I’m guessing.

Pete Ross

What are you gonna do now that you're officially home alone?

Clark Kent

I was thinking of having a few people over.

Chloe Sullivan

Do my ears deceive me or is Clark Kent actually suggesting a party?

Clark Kent

A small gathering. You guys, a few other people, maybe even Lana.

Chloe Sullivan

With or without her posable action-figure boyfriend?

Clark Kent

No, I think I'll play it by ear, you know, fly by the seat of my pants...

Pete Ross

Clark, you're not the flying type.

Clark Kent

The question is, how'd they get inside?

Pete Ross

I don't know. Now stop channeling Chloe and come on. [Clark uses his x-ray vision] Oh no, not the Kent thousand-yard stare.

Pete Ross

No offense, Clark, but digging up six pages of interesting on you is going to require some serious excavation.

Clark Kent

I do stuff...

Chloe Sullivan

Yes, and I'm sure that once I deploy my journalistic skills on you, I'll be able to unearth a skeleton or two.

Clark Kent

You know, Chloe, this is a class project, not a corruption scandal.

Chloe Sullivan

Relax, Clark, it's not like you have anything to hide, right?

Pete Ross

There was this bully three grades ahead of us. This dude was determined to pound dents into every kid in the school. One day, I guess it was my turn. He was just about to take my head off when Clark jumped between us.

Chloe Sullivan

So Clark ran interference. Now, as kind as that sounds, Pete, I really don't think it falls under the "something amazing" test.

Pete Ross

I'm not finished. Clark didn't just push brain-dead away. He put him through a door, as in splinters and broken hinges. How he did it, I still have no idea. The guy was at least twice our size.

Chloe Sullivan

Clark, any comments?

Clark Kent

Uh, well, we were, you know, six years old. Twice our size was three feet tall.

Pete Ross

This is just a pit stop. We wanted to take advantage of your 2-for-1 deal.

Lana Lang

I figure that's the last step before I institute topless waitressing.

Pete Ross

Well, here's to hoping it fails miserably.

Pete Ross

This thing's got extraterrestrial written all over it.

Clark Kent

Yeah, I bet there's little green guys running around the cornfield too, Pete.

Pete Ross

I'm serious, Clark. Have you ever seen anything like it?

Clark Kent

If the aliens came to Earth, don't you think they'd find a place a little more exciting than Smallville?

Pete Ross

No, no, no, think about it. Crop circles, cattle mutilation. They'd be like kids in a candy store here!

Pete Ross

So you're some sort of... what? You're not a human?

Clark Kent

I don't know what I am. I don't know where that ship brought me from. I just know that I grew up in Smallville, and everything that I care about and everyone that I care about is here.

Pete Ross

If you care about me so much, how come you never told me sooner?

Clark Kent

Pete, believe me, there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't want to tell you, but my parents thought it was too dangerous. Not just for me, but for anyone else who knew the truth.

Pete Ross

You didn't think I could handle it?

Clark Kent

Can you?

Clark Kent

Pete, another reason why I didn't say anything is because I knew people would look at me the exact same way that you're looking at me right now.

Pete Ross

And how's that?

Clark Kent

Like a freak. Pete, I've tried my whole life just to blend in, to try and be more normal than anyone else. Would you just say something? Call me... call me an alien, call me a monster. I don't care, just say something.

Pete Ross

It's like I don't even know you.

Pete Ross

Sure, Chloe. I saw a spaceship. I even met an alien.

Chloe Sullivan

Really? Would you like to describe it?

Pete Ross

Actually he looks a lot like Clark.

Chloe Sullivan

I thought aliens were little and green.

Pete Ross

I guess things aren't always what you think they are.

Pete Ross

What about the x-ray deal? Have you ever used it to look through a girls...

Clark Kent

It only works when I focus and I do not use it to invade people's privacy.

Pete Ross

So you're telling me never once have you looked in the girls' locker room?

Clark Kent

Well... maybe once.

Pete Ross

That's my boy.