Jimmy Olsen quotes from Smallville

Chloe

Jimmy, this isn't a story. It's a hunch. Besides what were you doing playing stalker-azzi in the middle of the night following Lex Luthor around?

Jimmy Olsen

Being proactive, hopefully nailing a front-page shot. You don't think some back-alley hand-off is suspicious?

Chloe

I think Lex Luthor getting out of bed in the morning is suspicious.

Lois

I don't get it. Of all the photographers in Metropolis, how is it that you end up with the first shots of our merry archer?

Jimmy

My connections.

Lois

No. Really.

Jimmy

Uh, well, the guy doesn't get out of the Suicide Slums much, so I just hung out there for a few weeks... in my car with my pepper spray and the doors locked.

Lois

This is it? A bunch of arms and legs? Nice work, hotshot. I mean, you didn't even manage to catch one shot of his face. All these tell me about Green Arrow is that he needs a band-aid.

Jimmy

Preliminary investigation is calling it suicide, but how's a guy who's larger than life drown in two feet of water?

Chloe

Well, his career was over. And Lake was right; the coroner's report says that Dawson was juiced up on muscle mixers.

Jimmy

Chloe, come on, you're going to tell me that someone on a 'roid rage is going to lie down in a koi pond and call it a day?

Chloe

(sees the picture of Lois' kiss with Green Arrow) Oh, I feel dirty...

Jimmy

Think about how Oliver feels. Lois and Clark put this whole scheme together because they thought Oliver was Green Arrow, but then-- pow!-- the poor sucker catches her sucking lip with leather daddy.

Chloe

Lois and Clark?

Jimmy

You got to admit, they got chemistry.

Chloe

Yeah, so do nitroglycerin and peroxide, and I don't suggest putting them together.

Jimmy

Look, Clark, despite our differences, I think that you're a decent guy. Chloe obviously thinks that you can walk on air, so... who am I to stand in the way?

Clark

Jimmy, hold on.

Jimmy

But if you hurt her, I don't care how impossibly gigantic you are, I will chop you down like a cherry tree. And that, ain't no lie.

Clark

It's nice to see that you'd risk ending up in traction to protect Chloe's honor.

Jimmy

A girl like that... worth spending the rest of my life in a body cast.

Clark

I feel the same way. As her friend. Nothing more, I swear.

Jimmy

I figured you could use an escape from your real-life soap opera.

Chloe

What do you mean?

Jimmy

Well, you live it every day, but from the outside your real life's got Cagney and Stanwyck written all over it. You've got your billionaire mogul, you got the confused damsel who chose money over love, and the mysterious best friend who shows up everywhere because he can't seem to get a real job. Not to mention the steadfast dame they all depend on.

Chloe

Wow. A real glimpse in the mind of Jimmy Olsen. FYI, um, "dame"? Not so flattering.

Chloe

When did you learn to do that?

Jimmy

Some girls go for sports cars. I figure you're more of a lock-picking kind of girl.

Jimmy

I used to sit in the backyard and try to pick up Martian signals on my dad's ham radio.

Kara

Umm, Martians use infrared, silly.

Chloe

Look, I know how this is gonna sound coming from me, but you and Kara are from different worlds. Just be careful, okay?

Jimmy

Chloe, Kara is from Minnesota. It's not like she's from another planet.

Jimmy

That Swann woman they fished out of the lake last night?

Lois

Yeah.

Jimmy

I thought that she drowned.

Lois

More like sank. Kind of hard to swim after you've been shot.

Clark

Where were you taking it?

Jimmy

Oh, I guess you didn't get the memo that says, "Why should I tell you?"

Jimmy

Oh... that's a good answer.

Jimmy

I found out something about those mystery expeditions he's been sending to the North Pole.

Lois

Either he's planning a hostile takeover of Santa's workshop, or he's doing something illegal. And since I'm sure Lex isn't into the Christmas spirit, what's the scoop.

Chloe

Jimmy, I'm impressed. You managed to balance out singles, couples, and families while keeping all of the exes at different tables, and still keeping the kids' tables away from the cake. You truly are the Zen master of seating charts.

Jimmy

More the master of musical chairs.

Jimmy

You know, speaking of the right person, since you don't have a plus-one tonight, I'd like you to meet one of my friends. Name's Clark Kent. You heard of him?

Lois

Better wear your bow and arrow, Cupid. That bumbling tadpole is not my Prince Charming.

Jimmy

Well, maybe you just need to jump his lily pad and plant one on him. Come on. I've seen the way you two look at each other.

Lois

[scoffs] You need to get your eyesight checked, Olsen. Clark doesn't like me. He likes... driving me crazy.

Jimmy

Flirtation 101, Lane. I mean, that's what a guy does when he's into a girl.

Lois

Really?

Jimmy

Trust me. Lois and Clark would be great together. I can feel it in my gut.

Lois

Well, take some Ex-Lax, get over it.